Am I Over Reacting?

[ki****]

My boyfriend and I are very sexually open with our fantasies and desires with each other as well as our boundaries. My bf recently (within the past 6 months) told me about his sissy fetish. He enjoys dressing in my panties, being caged, not being allowed to cum, etc. He asked me if he could make a Snapchat to talk to other sissies and get advice and kind of just make friends into the same thing, I agreed and said that was fine. He reassured me there would be no girls. Well, he stumbled into the selling world of sissy porn and with that came women. He was very open and told me he would do s4s with girls who have only fans and they would give each other advice on making money etc… Neither one of us ever go through the other ones phone, it’s just not something we feel the need to do. Tonight his phone kept getting Snapchat calls. He was asleep so I grabbed it and silenced it but it kept vibrating. I opened Snapchat to make sure it was no one important and saw another woman’s tits on his Snapchat story. It was just an s4s but this opened my curiosity so I went go read their chats. He told her several times she was super hot and he was begging her for pictures. He told her he was so horny he didn’t know what to do with himself and asked if she could keep sending him pictures. I moved on to another chat with a different woman and there were no s4s here, he was sending pics of himself and telling her he was horny. He would say “can I please send more pics I’m so horny” and she would kind of just ignore him. One girl asked why he wanted to send pics so badly and why couldn’t he just send them to his gf? He said “she sees me all the time, I want someone new to see me”. I’m always asking him for sissy pics and he told me he’s embarrassed to send them to me 😞. I almost feel like I’ve been cheated on but I also feel like I kind of allowed this. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way or did he overstep a boundary??? Any advice is appreciated!

[Ab****]

He’s wrong and shouldn’t be crossing boundaries you’re not comfortable with

[Ba****]

It’s the dishonesty that is such a deal breaker here.

Yes you have given him the space and freeedom to make these decisions and have these interactions. But the fact he is lying to you about them really throws a wrench in the entire system.

Open relationships are centered on trust.

I’m sorry you are wrestling through this. I wish you all the best.
I’ve got open ears and experience in open relationships if you need or want someone to talk with

[Re****]

Sorry to hear that the trust that you placed with you bf was broken. I personally don't think that you are overreacting. You two had a very clear deal, and he broke it.
I think you need to have a chat with him an confront him about it. If he want to pursue being a sissy then he either have to do it together with you, or honor the deal you made with him.
Kr Martin

[th****]

Nahhhh he should have been open with that to you

[gr****]

Nah that's pretty f**ked up and its fair to have been so curious to look through his phone after so many calls you have to check just to make sure everything is okay but once you stumble upon one bad thing there's always gonna be more and you stumbled acrossed him trying to get woman to trade lies with him even though you were more then willing to enjoy those photos irs pretty messed up on his part considering he reassured over and over that there were gonna be no sexual interactions outside of s4s

[ar****]

You're not in the wrong for feeling this way. Feeling are valid.
.
However, I think the main issue here is you "agreeing to Snapchat". Unless it was clearly spelled out, what exactly was allowed there (and thus, that other interactions on there (like the ones you saw) were prohibited), it may have been a communication issue.
.
However, you described seeing he sent pics of himself to girls, and some would ignore him. Would these pics be unsolicited? That would IMO make matters worse, as it reflects his character.

[Deleted Member]

If it’s served on a platter… most will at least sample what’s on offer, but if they go back again and again they may ruin they’re appetite. Questionable boundaries.

[Mi****]

He is disrespecting your open nature and mistaking it for gullibility. Take it from a guy who has cheated before, hell say he didn't mean it because he's addicted to having you, but he wants attention from others. If he didn't, he wouldn't be doing it. He's actually very lucky to have such an open gf, although I find his kinks a little odd, the fact that you're open to them means he's got a very good situation that he is 200% disrespecting.

[XI****]

Always always always - if it bothers the other.... Then you probably shouldn't be doing it... No matter the circumstances

[Wo****]

He stepped out of bounds there. You both had an understanding

[ey****]

In short

no, you're not overreacting.

if absolutely nothing else - he shouldn't be begging people for pics : and that what he said he was doing on SC and what he actually is doing is rather different.

there's a lot of stuff can be reigned in : but, obviously there is damaged trust - so, if you confront him and say "I'm ok with x, y, z - but not a, b, c" then you'll still be often wondering if he still doing a, b, c.  This might take time for you. You might never get the trust back.

 

I can understand him wanting to feel accepted by more people - but the reasons he's embarrassed to send to you is something worth a conversation with - for your own understanding and to support if needed.

if he does want others to see his sissy-self then posting pics on a dedicated twitter account is probably a lot less intrusive. 

[4R****]

Ok so there are two wrongs here and as they say, two wrongs don’t make a right.
 

He has clearly overstepped a boundary in that he has been taking things further than he should have behind your back. He may claim that this was ‘building his brand’ to try to boost content sales and that is fine, but has he actually sold any content and have you seen any income? Regardless of his motives he should have been up front with you.

 

The second wrong is that you chose to go through his phone. Regardless of the reason for doing-so you know you didn’t have his consent to do so. It’s understandable to silence a phone if your partner is asleep but to then proceed to trawl through it without his knowledge or consent is a conscious decision for you to violate his privacy.

 

Have you spoken to him about this before writing about it on a public forum for the world to see it? 
 

I don’t condone his actions at all. It’s certainly a discussion that the two of you need to have so that you have the full facts in front of you rather than drawing your own conclusions. Once you’ve done this, you’ll be in a position to decide whether your trust in him os broken and whether it can be repaired. Equally he is entitled to do the same with you regarding you going through his phone. Alas, his actions don’t excuse yours.

[Da****]

No hubby needs punished fairly.

[ja****]

Over reacting indeed. Let him play his fantasies with a screen. It is probably just that. And since you already got a peek into what he likes, use it to tease him and see what he does in reality. It will be fun to explore things while you have the upper hand.

[Re****]

4 minutes ago, jawadelomari said:

Over reacting indeed. Let him play his fantasies with a screen. It is probably just that. And since you already got a peek into what he likes, use it to tease him and see what he does in reality. It will be fun to explore things while you have the upper hand.

So you want to reward bad behaviour? That seems like a dangerous path to take

[p1****]

You aren’t overreacting. He absolutely broke the circle of trust you had. However he did seem to mention to others he has a girlfriend and all.

If its just pic exchanges and he isnt sleeping around behind your back consider it a kink and need to feel desired by others.

He should have been honest with you but you are past that now since the deed is done.

You have an option to consider it cheating and exit the relationship or continue to accept it and if you wanted to ask for the same privileges and see if he would be interested in someone like that.

It would be unfair if he has double standards. 🤷🏻‍♂️ just saying 😂

[Po****]

I don't think so. But there's this expectation, because of the nature of your relationship. So, without hard boundaries, and communication, as a 'newb', feels like to me, it's bound to happen. Idk. Have you spoken with him about it?

[toranalsubmissive]

You have every right to feel disrespected, angry and like you have been lied to.

He clearly doesn't understand how this "deal" would require him to be open and honest about things that scare him.

I'd suggest you ask him if hiding things from you is giving him a "high". Many people in overly rigid discipline experiences from their childhood learned that exposure of their feelings is met with rejection and they develop a duality, what they think others want to see and what they themselves crave to explore. The behaviour isn't fun, it is very isolating, but it gives a sense of control when exploring that can feel like a gambling high.

I'd suggest you two see a therapist, get him to confront his mistake, don't threaten, don't judge to harshly. Try to get some tools for negotiating safety that work for both of you.

You might also suggest that you should "hold" his lock code for a while. it will either send him into a spiral or he will send him on a high that he is accepted as a complicated personality and that if he respects you and your needs, the relationship can flourish.

 

Hope this helps !

[sa****]

I know what it’s like to stumble on things on the phone from a submissive that are upsetting… Sounds like you’re boyfriend/girlfriend first, and not dom/submissive first. My relationship was master/slave first. It gave me the freedom to impose whatever conditions I wanted on my slave for doing things that I didn’t like. I had the freedom to punish her and monitor her phone if I wished.

If you are not first and foremost dom/sub, that may not feel possible for you. However, I would just throw out that punishing your sub might be an option. If you do be sure to make it something he actually doesn’t enjoy too. If he enjoys the punishment that might encourage him to repeat the behavior.

But also, just discussing the situation and your feelings, in conjunction with or without punishment, is powerful too. If he respects you that should cause him to alter his behavior.

[El****]

He lied he over step

[Jo****]

usually if u have to ask the answer is yes

[Ma****]

Instruct him to stop these and all similar communication immediately. Deleate the account then release him from your binding. Set him free and ask him if he wants to be 're bound and will obide by you or choose to be free and move on? Choice is his that way (IF ONLY FOR A MOMENT!). If you don't want or trust him anymore, set him free and move on.

[do****]

He lied to you and therefore broke your trust. I would advise that you confront him about it directly. Afterwards you could decide if you could trust him again or the damage has been done.

[Cr****]

People have different ideas of what cheating is, but you set clear boundaries and he overstepped them.