Experimental, Curious, or a bit Schizophrenic?

[SorenSub]

Good morning everyone. New to the scene, and to the forum. This change of lifestyle has been a long time coming.

I totally get how someone can be switch, and trade roles according to the situation and partner/s needs, but I assume (maybe incorrectly) that they're comfortable and experienced in both roles. I'm just struggling a bit with my own tastes, which feel like they're pulling me in two completely opposite directions.

On the one hand, I know I'd make a loyal and willing sub for the right Mistress. I crave receiving that level of discipline and control. Sex aside, I genuinely think about that all the time. On the other hand, I feel I'd get a lot out of becoming a brat tamer. The role just seems to suit my character. I'd not heard of the role before coming about the magazine and other online stuff recently, so I've not spent a lot of time considering it, but it just feels right.  

The two seem to be almost mutually exclusive, and I'm getting all sorts of confused. Better to live one before the other, or keep two personas? Should I "earn my stripes" with a Mistress before taking on a brat? On that note, are there any things you would consider "rights of passage" for a person's journey into kink and BDSM? 

Thank you all. Soren.

[ey****]

13 hours ago, SorenSub said:

that they're comfortable and experienced in both roles

not necessarily - someone might be stronger or more experienced in one rather than another depending on opportunities and so on.

Mind, of course, gaining experience one side of the slash can benefit the other.   I know when I've taken beaten and received some play I've transferred ideas to others I've played with.

13 hours ago, SorenSub said:

The two seem to be almost mutually exclusive, and I'm getting all sorts of confused

two things can be mutually exclusive but still OK.

13 hours ago, SorenSub said:

Better to live one before the other, or keep two personas?

Better to see opportunities as they come - but not let one distract from the other.

13 hours ago, SorenSub said:

Should I "earn my stripes" with a Mistress before taking on a brat?

you should learn more about either and then treat opportunities as they arise.  Remember brats aren't always as fun as they seem.  Remember the strict Mistress fantasy isn't always as fun as it seems.

13 hours ago, SorenSub said:

are there any things you would consider "rights of passage" for a person's journey into kink and BDSM? 

No - I don't believe in that kind of thing.  What I believe is a positive attitude and taking responsibility for your own learning and development will make you someone good to be around.

[LazyPirate]

I class myself as a switch-y Dom (so more Dom than sub), but that’s because when I started out in kink as a default I started out as a sub with my then partnert, where neither of us were experienced (because i’d read a lot of things and was interested in the loss of control aspect), which also involved a little bit of *** play (as she would ‘make me’ crossdress in her knickers and bras). The relationship ended for various reasons (none of which related to bedroom activities) so I set out to continue to explore (which I’m still doing)

I only really started to explore my Dom side in the past couple of years after I was interested in experiencing the other side of the coin, and it has brought out a massively creative side to me (and I can call back to my previous experiences as a sub to help me go through all the safety aspects I need to follow when I am starting out with any sub). As a result of the last 4/5 months however (where I’ve somehow ended up with 3 subs and a potential fourth) I feel that my sub side has been put away for the time being, although if the right person happened to appear then I would definitely be open to resuming some of my sub side.

[Wo****]

I'm absolutely a submissive.

Having said that, thinking beck, in my vanilla relationships I have always been the dominant one.

Personally I think experiencing both sides is a good thing. It gives you an understanding of the thought process.

I think a lot depends on who you're with too. You react to different people in different ways.

My advice would be to just explore opportunities, forget labels and discover all your traits.

[Mi****]

I would warn against labelling yourself to quickly. Explore yourself and your fantasies and maybe along the way discover some new ones. Labels are really for other people's benefit and theres no need to slap one on yourself right from the start

[SorenSub]

On 7/4/2019 at 9:58 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

What I believe is a positive attitude and taking responsibility for your own learning and development will make you someone good to be around.

That's exactly what I needed to hear right now; set me right immediately. I actually coach self-development in my day life - funny how we can never take our own advice - even funnier that as soon as kink comes into the picture, I began thinking as if my BDSM side and Me were different people.

Thank you.