LS**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 By the nature of this app, we meet a lot of people and open a lot of first time conversations. I’m curious; to the submissives out there, when you’re contacting a dom for the first time and feeling out whether you want to continue speaking with them, how dominant do you prefer them to be from the get-go? Do you expect them to start initiating conversations, asking questions and assuming topics right away? Showing off their dom behavior in their flirting and such? And what about when a dom makes the first move to speak with you?
Ge**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 As a new dom I am very curious to see the answers here. Hopefully this will help with those starter convos
Deleted Member Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 1. I’ve never had anyone send the first message to me that wasn’t a scammer/bot, 2. I’ve found mix response from people identifying as sub in general, some respond to more aggressive messages some respond to more polite and reserved messages, this is a per person thing and makes first messages a *** in the ass
Deleted Member Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 Personally I love to be sought out by a Dom. I also think it’s important for them to either respond or approach a sub in the same manner they would in everyday conversation. Trying to determine if someone is a good fit for you online is difficult. The more a person behaves as themself the easier it is for you to determine if you want to continue chatting. In my experience many Doms don’t complete the profile questions. I find those questions to be very helpful. I understand by nature a true Dom doesn’t like to reveal too much about themselves but the purpose of this forum is to bring us together with like minded people and hopefully find one that blows us away. Every sub enjoys different degrees of domination. If you pretend to be too nice or too caring that may turn one sub off. If you pretend to be to controlling and dominant that may turn another sub off. Just be you. Be who you are and clearly communicate your wants, desires and expectations. Personally I love a Dom that is straight to the point and honest. As a sub I try to do the same when communicating with a Dom. I do make sure to address them in a respectful manner. For me it’s about weeding out a true Dom and the person that has watched the 50 shades of gray movies and thinks they’re a Dom. Happy hunting!
Deleted Member Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 From a Dom perspective, I’ve generally found anyone who expects aggressive flirting / Dominant behavior right out the gate is also unlikely to ever want anything more than that chat exchange. Way more meaningful connections from those who can perfect the pleasantries around an interest or something in our profiles, then transition into a bit more of what they’re looking for and some flirting.
Da**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 Im brand new here but with the prior experience I have, I like gentler messages followed by going all out once I'm comfortable
Fa**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 I don't mind a Dom showing a dominant side upfront. However, it less appealing(for me) for them to attempt to try to dominate everything right from the start. Scenes are different than getting to know someone. I'm more interested in personality at first to establish a connection.
Sw**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 Personally speaking, it’s really off-putting when a Dom’s first contact with me is immediately dominating and /or demanding. My submission is earned through mutual trust and respect. Not via a couple of messages on an app 🤓
St**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 49 minutes ago, cinci123 said: 1. I’ve never had anyone send the first message to me that wasn’t a scammer/bot, 2. I’ve found mix response from people identifying as sub in general, some respond to more aggressive messages some respond to more polite and reserved messages, this is a per person thing and makes first messages a *** in the ass Yep and the other person won’t tell you upfront how they prefer you to come across. Total minefield
he**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 As a sub I wonna know what I'm getting into from the get go. I will message 1st if I think they have huge potential. X
BrokenCollar Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 The best Dom intros I've had were politely direct but not sexual or commanding from the get-go. I can't offer advice because every sub has their preference for how a Dom approaches them, but here's my example of what works, and what doesn't. Good Dom: Hey there. We should talk. Bad Dom: Your Master commands you to message back right away, you filthy slut! Again, everyone has their preference, just don't be an asshole when saying hello. Don't be boring either, find your voice.
Ch**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 I prefer speak to me as you would if I met in a bar, polite chit chat, of course mention something seen in my profile(shows me they read it), dont talk wank fodder, questions are welcomed . Remember theres no relationship until theres a relationship so I wont call anyone Sir and no need to give me a pet name.... apart from cheeky, they can call me that 🤣. Sending a 'hi' wont get any response, too many of those to bother replying to. Just be their natural self, the rest will follow 😊
Nylon-Nellie Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 (edited) From my own perspective, person first kink second. Get to know the Dom as a person first and see how it goes from there. From past experiences, I now make a point of no kink talk until a connection is made and see how we connect as two people. As for how a Dom comes across in his behaviour online, is a put off for me.....save it for a D/s relationship. Edited July 25, 2023 by Nylon-Nellie word removed
ge**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 At the point of initial contact they're not *my* dominant, so if they tried asserting themselves on me, it would be an immediate red flag, and I think I speak for a large number of submissives with that statement. . I want to establish if there's a connection and chemistry first, the same as I would with *any* relationship. . Only once that's been confirmed would I want to move onto anything else, and even then it would be to see if we were compatible that way and had similar ideas about what D/s means to us, so even at that point if they tried to assert themselves my guard would be up.
Do**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 This is fascinating! As a Domme I never start the conversation with a sub. I figure if they really want me they will contact me. And then I gently chat and get to know what they’re looking for. It evolves (or doesn’t) from there. It has never occurred to me to contact subs as I need to see they’re keen.
ge**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 15 minutes ago, DommeDelight said: This is fascinating! As a Domme I never start the conversation with a sub. I figure if they really want me they will contact me. And then I gently chat and get to know what they’re looking for. It evolves (or doesn’t) from there. It has never occurred to me to contact subs as I need to see they’re keen. That's the floodgates opened then 😂🤣
Tr**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 As a new sub I would prefer the Dom to take the lead in a subtle and kind way. I don’t know what to ask. So I would prefer the Dom control the conversation so that we are both learning about each other. Ask the questions, AND share their information - this is how trust is gained. If they only want answers and they don’t share equally with me, that is a red flag. Aggressive out of the gate and I am running the other direction. It is intimidating to be a new sub, kindness and gentle persuasion works for me and still others are different.
Deleted Member Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 28 minutes ago, DommeDelight said: This is fascinating! As a Domme I never start the conversation with a sub. I figure if they really want me they will contact me. And then I gently chat and get to know what they’re looking for. It evolves (or doesn’t) from there. It has never occurred to me to contact subs as I need to see they’re keen. Because no matter the dynamic men message first, I have never had it be the opposite for me, the times it has they were bots or scammers asking for “tribute” or *** of some kind, your post confirms this more 😂 quote “I never start the conversation”
Deleted Member Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 I prefer to have a Daddy comment on my pictures in an articulate way and ask genuine open questions in an effort to get to know me and what i like. Every sub just wants to feel special after all. It’s important for me to see that they are intelligent and a leader in good conversation. I can tell that a dynamic won’t continue if they are overly aggressive or demanding or being very plain/boring in conversation, it is then obvious to me that they are only looking for a quick exchange or not invested.
Ba**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 Kink and potential dynamics must be approached from an equal footing, dominance has no place in the early stages of getting to know someone. It creates an unintended power exchange that means negotiations can’t be had ethically
li**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 I open with an attempt to get to know the person, not the sub. Generally speaking, if you're on this app, I know we're gonna have common ground with regards to kink, so I don't worry about that up front.
Do**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 42 minutes ago, gemini_man said: That's the floodgates opened then 😂🤣 😆😆 That’s what message filters are for 😉
ge**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 9 minutes ago, DommeDelight said: 😆😆 That’s what message filters are for 😉 Good point well made 😉😄
Ta**** Posted July 25, 2023 Posted July 25, 2023 2 hours ago, AnAlterEgo1 said: From a Dom perspective, I’ve generally found anyone who expects aggressive flirting / Dominant behavior right out the gate is also unlikely to ever want anything more than that chat exchange. Way more meaningful connections from those who can perfect the pleasantries around an interest or something in our profiles, then transition into a bit more of what they’re looking for and some flirting. Agreed. From my experiences, the best way to elicit a response is to engage them with questions about who they are outside of kink and how they envision a possible kink relationship adding to that, and give them the opportunity to talk about themselves. I can’t say for sure, but I wouldn’t expect kicking the door of their inbox down and going full blown “instant-Dom” on someone would be very successful, purely because at that point, a person knows nothing about me, and a submissive generally tends to want to submit to someone they trust and respect, and those things take time. And like you said, the ones that tend to favor talking about kink right away are typically looking for online-only interactions, and are just looking to get off.
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