Dominance should lift you up, not let you down.

[A_****]

My personal take to dominance is that a submissive is the powerhouse. The submissive is a rocket that the dominant straps themselves to and attempts to steer in a positive direction. The dominant's job is to direct and guide the submissive towards their goals. To take the submissive's vulnerabilities gently in hand and make them safe to explore in a controlled environment.

I am the coach taking pride in my athlete, the mentor whispering "You can do this!", the supporting partner who reminds you to self-care.

Dominance isn't always supportive, as there are many styles of dominance. But, while there is a sliding scale of infinite points, there are many that only scratch the surface of what being a dominant entails.

Take the f**kboi dominant; One who will tell you what they want sexually and how they want it. Their goal is simply sex. They don't care about the needs of the submissive, their goals, or anything else at all. Their approach is to weaponize the vulnerabilities of the submissive against them to get their foot in the door. Utilizing low self-esteem and low self-value in the submissive to be convincing.

Take this a step further into a dynamic; Sinking their hooks into the submissive by gaslighting, berating, and negging them into thinking they can't do better and who would want them. Using the insecurities of the submissive against them to *** them to their knees. All the while attempting to appeal to the submissive's needs of being validated, due to their insecurities. A form of breadcrumbing.

A good dominant lifts their submissive up to new heights, where as the toxic dom has the sub bend down so that they may stand aloft on the sub's back and look bigger than they really are.

Does your Dom hold you up, or push you down...??

[Cl****]

Very insightful thank youuuu

[It****]

That's a perfect and wonderful definition of what being a Dom is, thank you

[in****]

So beautifully written! Wish there was a repost button. Bravo! 👏🏻

[gr****]

I get dominated while I'm in a relationships not fully but there's leeway and I know what you mean with the guidance and then encouragement I'm not a monster my bio says I'm the nicest a**hole you'll ever meet I'm not cold-hearted bastard I do like my *** too I like being whipped in the hand I like hot wax I love my back scratched like cut not scratched but in my experience it's just the first couple goes with a new partner it's all about My lead the witch most have tended to very positively reacting but wants to get to know that partner a little bit more I have my partner answer why she must always ***, next time we bop anything you would like to do to dom e what would you like to do how do you want to see me in a little *** and that's not *** just for ***

[gr****]

Also lil over year out of a 15y relationship, we knew what ea other turn ons & offs were

[Ve****]

So your first sentence should say “Dominance should Lift a Submissive Up”. I agree. But there seem to be very few Doms capable f handling all aspects of that reality. I wish Doms that fail spent less energy on avoidance and more time in learning from mistakes.

[Bl****]

I agree 1 million percent.  the dominant is there to guide and provide a safe place for the submissive to explore and tap in to their potential like you said.

 I love what you have written. 

[de****]

That is the exact kind of Dom I am looking for. It’s nice to read that there are some like that out there.

[ra****]

He holds me up and brings me to new heights...

[Bl****]

I agree 1 million percent. I love this.

[Ri****]

The perfect definition of a good dom to guild there sub through the dark and bring them out through the other side in a better version of themselves. Brilliant 👏

[Emmmmm-1396]

Love this ❤️

[Li****]

Wow! You have an amazing insight. 💞

[ad****]

From a sub's perspective, one that's had her share of those toxic Doms, thank you

[Th****]

I wish more female dominants understood this concept. As a switch i am constantly left unable to explore my submissive side because every dominant woman i meet comes right out of the gate with the degredation talk and its like...uhhh hey...im troy...before you start calling me a worthless little sub slut...maybe try saying hi and telling me your name? I mean....hell...maybe oh idk...ask if im even into verbal degredation? Like dude doms might push the limits but subs set them. Just because im choosing to play a sub role doesnt automatically give a dom rights to just do whatever.

[Wi****]

Yes, this! I've yet to find what I came on here looking for. Too many ego-driven ulterior motives.

[Im****]

I like this 100%

[mo****]

Still looking for that uplifting dom but only keep attracting the f**kbois

[ca****]

So true. Amazing article!

[br****]

Oh that's awesome buddy you absolutely nailed it I found out 20 years ago that although I'm an alpha without any doubt I really enjoy Subs in the bedroom but the only reason I enjoyed so much is the reward you get and seeing them absolutely lose it from being pleasured and acting out all the fantasies they've always thought about all the taboo things that have been in the back of their mind and you get to be the one they Trust and talked to openly it's an amazing thing and it's a big responsibility but it's worth it one of the great wonders of the world is the look of a woman with their legs shaking your stomach muscles quivering and just soaking the bed nothing says I'm happy like that and that's reward that I look for not also misses are able to accept that kind of treatment though I was so lucky to have two in a row for a total of about 12 years unfortunately the latest one passed away has been really really hard to find a match people seem so afraid to talk openly about stuff I think they've all been married since they were 20 and now they're finding themselves singling midlife and they have no idea they think dating is still like High School and that's not everybody but a lot how you ever going to find happiness if you can't express what it is you want

[Su****]

12 hours ago, moline874 said:

Still looking for that uplifting dom but only keep attracting the f**kbois

Hey beautiful, that's because you are probably ignoring all the "good guys" lol

[Ah****]

Been here off and off and only ever really met the awful Doms who think nothing of respect or trust. Met two really chill people recently here so far. But I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks the Sub Dom Dynamic should be about trust and support.

[Ne****]

I might be a sub but I don't like the denigrating talk and I can't seem to find a Dom who understands that. Smh

[Deleted Member]

Very true, but I find the amount of f***toy subs that are not truly interested in submitting, the ones who just want a woman to pegg them with a strap-on. It can make it hard for the rest of us to be taken seriously, now this is an oversimplification and a generalization, but that is my experience.