How do you respond to criticism?

[sardonicus87]

I mean, how are you defining protocols? Because I'm using the very specific meaning that D/s people mean when they say protocols (like, other people having to ask permission before they talk to their sub, or their sub having ask permission before talking to anyone else or doing whatever, etc).
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Seems pretty presumptive to assume it means anything else given the context. Never mind that nobody ever before has mentioned that specific aspect to me.

[Chloebear]

4 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

I mean, how are you defining protocols? Because I'm using the very specific meaning that D/s people mean when they say protocols (like, other people having to ask permission before they talk to their sub, or their sub having ask permission before talking to anyone else or doing whatever, etc).
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Seems pretty presumptive to assume it means anything else given the context. Never mind that nobody ever before has mentioned that specific aspect to me.

This thread isn’t about you, but a wider topic, which I would suggest is the better focus.

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

So, are you implying people are only capable of self-control and not going too far only if they're also a Dom and in a power exchange dynamic, that that's the only way to have mitigation? I mean, safe words exist for all BDSM, they're not specific to just D/s dynamics...

Safewords are definitely leaking or into the vanilla world as well- I know a few therapists who are having people safeword themselves as well as partners and friends and family when they are having incompatible behaviours. Green I'm good to keep this going, yellow keys slow this down, red I need to go have a moment and maybe we don't talk about this or do this activity in the future. It's a CBT/DBT kinda thing

[sardonicus87]

4 hours ago, Chloebear said:

This thread isn’t about you, but a wider topic, which I would suggest is the better focus.

I wasn't making it about me, you're the one that quoted and came at me. I addressed the topic at hand, YOU'RE the one that came at me.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

I wasn't making it about me, you're the one that quoted and came at me. I addressed the topic at hand, YOU'RE the one that came at me.

The topic is reactions to criticism - from my objective POV you've interpreted comments as "coming at you" when Chloe didn't seem to be doing that. But you felt attacked in some way, I guess? And that's when we react. It can be really hard online to "read" what people mean and their intentions, I think.

[Deleted Member]

Thursday at 12:56 PM, Shilo66 said:

How I respond to criticism is dependant on whether or not I value that person's opinion. If I don't value their opinion then, if I'm honest, their criticism will have little to no affect on me, so I'll hold my ground and will argue my point.

If it's someone that I either like, or respect or see as generally fair, then I'm more likely to take onboard what they've said and reflect upon it. Obviously, it is also down to what they say, how they say it, where and when, etc, etc, etc.

For example - and don't get a big head about this - from what I've seen of your posts on these forums, thus far, you come across as someone who is prepared to stand up against an injustice and will call out any BS whether that person be male and crucially, female. I say crucially female, because a lot of women here, will just enable a woman being toxic no matter how much of a d*** that they know and can see she is being. You are one of the few who won't. 

It is because of your ability to be so fair that, if I  and many others are in a debate and you criticised us over something, we'd actually take stock, listen and reflect. All this because of your record - thus far - of being fair and objective, which is something that I myself strive to be... I think they call it 'measured'.  

The problem with being fair and objective, and standing up against an injustice, or calling out BS when someone is being a D***, is that you will receive a lot of criticism for it from the enablers, be they male or female. Not pleasant but hey... please don't change. This site needs more people like YOU!  

And just for clarity for everyone else reading this, I do not know the OP personally, and I'm outside the criteria in various ways that she is looking for in a partner, so there is zero chance of me trying to worm my way into her knickers.  

☺️ Thank you very much. I do try to be measured and I'm glad that comes across. I think at times people find that too blunt and don't like it. Partly what inspired me to start the thread!

[msfergy-red]

A bad sub or dom ? Do you mean received as part of dynamic or an opinion on you as a sub or dom?

[Vi****]

I’m not sure that we need to be critical at all on this forum it should feel safe and non judgmental

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Msfergz said:

A bad sub or dom ? Do you mean received as part of dynamic or an opinion on you as a sub or dom?

Criticism received in any context

[Deleted Member]

10 hours ago, VioletReign said:

I’m not sure that we need to be critical at all on this forum it should feel safe and non judgmental

But that's not reality, is it?

[Chloebear]

There’s a bit of a loop there, as you may need to give feedback to create a safe environment. I think the overall question is more about how that is received or delivered - maybe about communication skills and emotional intelligence?