ey**** Posted July 22, 2024 5 hours ago, domguglieme said: Mostly agree with the original post But, I am not sure there is a real solution. at 8 pages, this topic is a ride - but there's many people offer advice, suggestions and perspectives. One of the key things I guess - it sucks but true that dating is hard. For everyone. Albeit different challenges. That online dating is a tool to help you find someone; but it's not the whole kit. And that an approach of "I am a sub; here are all the things I'd like you to do to me" is flawed in any circle and people are generally more receptive when it appears you are interested in *them* and not what they could do to you. Oh; and that of course most people get bored with cyclic questions of "How are you?", "How was your day?", "WYD?" as it ends up putting the onus on them to carry a conversation with someone who has little to demonstrate a conversation is worth carrying with.
d_guglieme Posted July 22, 2024 To eyemblacksheep's point, yes, dating is hard. The suggestions and perspectives are not bad, But, none of them have actually solved the problem. (If there were a solution, threads and apps like this would not be as common.) Most apps are used primarily by men. (Not gonna ask what the actual data is. It would probably be soul-crushing for most of us.) I can manage correspondence (here and elsewhere). But, those do not always lead to matching. Fair point about profiles, and "this is what I would like....". Trying to refine my own away from that.
ey**** Posted July 22, 2024 10 minutes ago, domguglieme said: The suggestions and perspectives are not bad, But, none of them have actually solved the problem. (If there were a solution, threads and apps like this would not be as common.) Most apps are used primarily by men. I think to solve a problem you first have to address what the problem is. I have a problem. I'm not a millionaire. That to me is a problem. And there's a few lines of thought people might take on how I can become a millionaire. Some might suggest luck, for example, playing the lottery or a high jackpot slot machine. Some might suggest working really hard, saving and making sacrifices, putting own needs behind the objective in priority - and even then it is certain I'll be a millionaire. And others might say, well, you don't get an automatic right to be a millionaire just because you want to be. But it's my problem - why won't anyone fix it - surely someone should just give me £1m, or some clear and measurably advice that if I do x, y, and z I will definitely be a millionaire, no?! And kink and relationships is similar, albeit more likely. The problem of someone not having a relationship is similar to my problem of not being a millionaire. We don't need it. We won't die without it. We might really want it - but we're not entitled to it. Kink and relationship also has this added step that anything we do relies on a reaction from a human. So actually, yes, if I spend less *** and use more free time doing things that make *** my wealth will increase. That is measurable. But I could, say, go out on Friday night with a view of meeting some for sex - and while going out increases my chances of meeting someone - maybe the very first person is interested (though that is a bad time to pull) maybe I end the night kissing 5 people and going home with one, maybe I end and not even be a 10-to-2 guy So in essence, no, there is no measurable solution because we cannot control how other people will respond. We can, however, do things which influence people's responses. Which can be in better messaging, not ***tergunning, maybe if I go out on this hypothetical pull I will have more luck if I groom well and wear some nice aftershave than if I go out looking like a reject from the Wurzels. And if I do this in a kink club then it's more likely the person will be into kink. Or, if instead of trying to pull, I stay and show I'm interested, that it boosts my chances yet again.
d_guglieme Posted July 22, 2024 Fair. But, the endless search is discouraging. (I do appreciate this forum, if only as a place to talk about the problem.)
ey**** Posted July 22, 2024 by irony - there was a post pushed into my facebook feed which was a bit "you get it - albeit for the wrong reasons" and it was implying that a lot of single men (it claimed 80%) were taking themselves out of the dating pool - 'fed up' with what it called 'ridiculous demands' from women, ghosting, etc etc. and, my 'you get it' is on two fronts, on one hand - sometimes the best way to win the game is not play in the first place - but on another, being happy in your own solitude is a first step. (it's actually one of the biggest things men have to compete with, not other men, but women's peace) and this is a big thing because it's not like even the 70s or 80s where women couldn't get a bank account, or a job, or even go to a bar, without a man - so the requirement to have one diminishes. Now obviously if the entire world becomes happy single then the human race probably dies but, learning to be happy single removes pressure. And then you kinda start doing things and going places for your own enjoyment. So happiness is then not measured on whether you pull or not, but on enjoying.
goon2yu Posted July 28, 2024 I'm going to agree with Cypresswillys suggestion, because quite frankly it's probably the #1 reason so many stay single within D/s. They need to get offline and visit munches, workshops, BDSM parties and events. If you can, travel to some D/s activities outside your local area. Meet & greets in person are 1000% better than online dating.
goon2yu Posted July 28, 2024 I'm going to agree with Cypresswillys suggestion, because quite frankly it's probably the #1 reason so many stay single within D/s. They need to get offline and visit munches, workshops, BDSM parties and events. If you can, travel to some D/s activities outside your local area. Meet & greets in person are 1000% better than online dating.
MistressWhipplash Posted July 30 For me as a Dominant Sadist Woman I put I'm not looking so folks will talk in an ordinary way to me and not push their kink list at me. Them putting themselves first and being creepy/pushy gets them an instant block. I prefer to chat at munches so I can see how the person is around me with my friends close by. I don't do online kink at all.
Kr**** Posted August 1 I'd recommend to take a moment to really think about what you want at bare minimum to be really satisfied and what would be a clear dealbreaker. In my case that left 5 profiles in my area. I took my time to write each of them a friendly elaborate first message, that showed honest interest in their profile... And I had no issue in doing so, knowing I had only 5 of those messages to write and was done. The great benefit of this site's profile search function is, that you can filter, if someone's kinks match yours, so you don't end up with your vanilla crush in the bedroom for the first time and see that you are completely incompatible in that regard. Other than that I treated it like any other dating app asking about hobbies and so on not even mentioning kink if not asked about it. After all femdoms are people, too. 3 respondet. 2 vibed in a way that we had a date after a few messages. One of those 2 turned out to be such a perfect match, that we did not just become play partners but a couple. Go to munches, too, if possible. Have fun making friends without any deeper thoughts. I made for example a very good friend at my first munch, who invited me later to a party with lots of other kinky people. The more connections you make in the sceene the higher it is to find a femdom, who likes you. It is pretty much the same as getting a large circle of friends and find a vanilla girlfriend, who shares a nerdy hobby or passion for traveling.
SayMaam Posted August 4 Most women are not dominant. They are dominatrix, which is acting dominant. I am an actual dominant woman.
MythicalPleasure Posted August 10 On 4/2/2024 at 12:46 PM, TheZenCommander said: I can assure you, it's just as frustrating on the Domme side. We also get ghosted. In fact, every sub that's ever ghosted me came back to apologize, tell me they were just 'so scared to finally have found what they always wanted' and they haven't found anything real like me, and can they just please come back... but the trust is broken already. There's no fixing that. Seriously, on both ends, be a grown up, say the hard thing, face the confrontation, you might find exactly what you wanted on the other side of that. I've learned that communication is everything and even though uncomfortable or unwelcome sometimes you have to speak on it because until you talk about it it can never be addressed and without being addressed it can never be resolved and then that's just more internal conflict
MasterDwight Posted August 13 I am a dom and its hard for me to find a partner in my town or state I have some submissions but when I do find a woman who is fell can help me switch it up is a no go so here is why I fell a woman can't get a man to submit When does he has to pay tribute To her so that's one reason why she cant get a A man to submit
ap**** Posted October 24 August 4, SayMaam said: Most women are not dominant. They are dominatrix, which is acting dominant. I am an actual dominant woman. Incorrect.... I'm both, they aren't inclusively separate, I'm naturally dominant and love playing dominatrix
MasterDwight Posted October 24 I don't understand the part about paying tribute as well. I live in alabama, actually a town where sex is just.It's hard to come by, let alone go being in the bdsm lifestyle and when you do find one, that would be good to play with, they require a really expensive tribute in order for you to play. So to me, I feel like the paying tribute is not the lifestyle. It's about getting ***, gifts and prizes, and not you enjoying the lifestyle? I would love to find me a partner. Where I can play, but so far, I have not had one in a long time
Gr**** Posted Thursday at 07:23 PM Ahhh I feel exactly the same - hope you have managed to find someone. It just seems impossible to find dominant women. They seem very rare and in high demand. I am literally thinking about giving up on it all together.
MistressWhipplash Posted Saturday at 08:43 AM (edited) I am a Dominant Woman Sadist who only does kink in a long-term relationship. So many guys who message don't comprehend that concept. They just seek a play partner to do kinky bedroom stuff to them so treat the Woman as a free service provider. They get blocked. Simple. I know loads of Dominant Women but many left the kink sites like this one for the exact reason I have given. Many don't bother with guys who think they are submissive because they only want kink done to them, they have zero intention of being thoughtful, useful or getting to know the Woman first. Pushing their kink wants on a stranger isn't cool and way too forward. No way do you go into a bar and say to random Woman hey touch my penis as you would would get slapped and banned. But guys do exactly that on here. With fuck my arse hole or whip my.penis. Yawn I am not a play Top. Folks learn the difference! Edited Saturday at 08:50 AM by MistressWhipplash Typos
St**** Posted Saturday at 12:47 PM October 24, MasterDwight said: I don't understand the part about paying tribute as well. I live in alabama, actually a town where sex is just.It's hard to come by, let alone go being in the bdsm lifestyle and when you do find one, that would be good to play with, they require a really expensive tribute in order for you to play. So to me, I feel like the paying tribute is not the lifestyle. It's about getting ***, gifts and prizes, and not you enjoying the lifestyle? I would love to find me a partner. Where I can play, but so far, I have not had one in a long time For me as a domme for the last oh wow, 14 years now!, and a lot of other Dommes and mistresses I’ve gotten to know, this isn’t a part-time thing for them… Or when it serves the sub for them to have their kinks met. I will not even entertain a “submissive” that is a one a night a month submissive, that’s a waste of my time! to me that is a kinkster and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you are not a true sub wanting to be owned and be in the dynamic you’re claiming. You have a kink, you want that met every once in a while you don’t show obedience and for most of those types you wanted to be in light bondage and topped for a little while, and having a female be “mean but not to mean” 🙄 For some of us we spend hours researching, buying equipment booking hotels.. and for me personally, my Dom/sub dynamic (mommy domme/femdom and sissy sub), is very niche and specific. This isn’t a part-time thing, this is our lifestyle and sexuality.. and I also have other subs that I’m training. This requires hours and hours of my attention away from my family away from other hobbies because I consider this my work! So it just completely blows my mind the amount of men and it is men 99% of the time, that complain about tribute or giving proper worship to their mistress. I think it’s ridiculous to think that you can have this type of dynamic with someone And have them make all of these sacrifices and not be shown for what they think they deserve. I am speaking of a Dom/sub dynamic where these people are experienced making sure each other safe, etc. and I hate to say that because I am not sexist, but it is mostly men that complain about paying Female Dominants and mistresses when I don’t think y’all really understand all the work and education, *** and time is put into this if you’re serious about it, if you’re being safe about it, keeping up with trends, going to events, learning new techniques… None of this is free so why should the woman who you desire worship and call goddess not be paid for all of that that she has learned and done to get to this place with you?? in my opinion, just get a sex machine, do some self bondage(safely), research enough for you to be able to do it for three nights in a week by yourself. Oh, but make sure if anything happens and you don’t have a partner there (like an experienced mistress…) you should probably have someone on standby. The you know you just send a quick text or a call to when you’re done with your free kink play. Sorry, I’m getting pretty sassy with this and doing run-on sentence it says because this is just such a joke now ! But for real tell me, would you be cool with using a mostly discounted uneducated doctor to give you a prostate exam maybe one that just did a couple of Google searches and watched a few porn that had men and canine cuffs and dog collars and women wearing latex.. smh 🤦♀️ **THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE WHO PUT THE EFFORT AND EDUCATION INTO KNOWING THIS CRAFT SAFELY, SHARING IT WITH OTHER TRUE DOMS/DOMMES/SUBS/SLAVES, so we can safely have fun and live out our wildest fantasies… I mean, I think that’s worth 1 million bucks right there
St**** Posted Saturday at 12:58 PM 11 minutes ago, Steph_Kit8288 said: For me as a domme for the last oh wow, 14 years now!, and a lot of other Dommes and mistresses I’ve gotten to know, this isn’t a part-time thing for them… Or when it serves the sub for them to have their kinks met. I will not even entertain a “submissive” that is a one a night a month submissive, that’s a waste of my time! to me that is a kinkster and there’s nothing wrong with that, but you are not a true sub wanting to be owned and be in the dynamic you’re claiming. You have a kink, you want that met every once in a while you don’t show obedience and for most of those types you wanted to be in light bondage and topped for a little while, and having a female be “mean but not to mean” 🙄 For some of us we spend hours researching, buying equipment booking hotels.. and for me personally, my Dom/sub dynamic (mommy domme/femdom and sissy sub), is very niche and specific. This isn’t a part-time thing, this is our lifestyle and sexuality.. and I also have other subs that I’m training. This requires hours and hours of my attention away from my family away from other hobbies because I consider this my work! So it just completely blows my mind the amount of men and it is men 99% of the time, that complain about tribute or giving proper worship to their mistress. I think it’s ridiculous to think that you can have this type of dynamic with someone And have them make all of these sacrifices and not be shown for what they think they deserve. I am speaking of a Dom/sub dynamic where these people are experienced making sure each other safe, etc. and I hate to say that because I am not sexist, but it is mostly men that complain about paying Female Dominants and mistresses when I don’t think y’all really understand all the work and education, *** and time is put into this if you’re serious about it, if you’re being safe about it, keeping up with trends, going to events, learning new techniques… None of this is free so why should the woman who you desire worship and call goddess not be paid for all of that that she has learned and done to get to this place with you?? in my opinion, just get a sex machine, do some self bondage(safely), research enough for you to be able to do it for three nights in a week by yourself. Oh, but make sure if anything happens and you don’t have a partner there (like an experienced mistress…) you should probably have someone on standby. The you know you just send a quick text or a call to when you’re done with your free kink play. Sorry, I’m getting pretty sassy with this and doing run-on sentence it says because this is just such a joke now ! But for real tell me, would you be cool with using a mostly discounted uneducated doctor to give you a prostate exam maybe one that just did a couple of Google searches and watched a few porn that had men and canine cuffs and dog collars and women wearing latex.. smh 🤦♀️ **THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THOSE WHO PUT THE EFFORT AND EDUCATION INTO KNOWING THIS CRAFT SAFELY, SHARING IT WITH OTHER TRUE DOMS/DOMMES/SUBS/SLAVES, so we can safely have fun and live out our wildest fantasies… I mean, I think that’s worth 1 million bucks right there My apologies that was a lot lol 😂 I’m very passionate about my role, the education, and the safety. I would say I spend about 25 hours a week on my dynamic, education, planning, scripting, booking, etc… on top of my job. I have 2 bachelors degrees. I deserve to be rewarded correctly for my knowledge, skills, and experience. Regardless of my gender. Anything less than that, is basically making your Domme the submissive pansy, telling this Goddess who is keeping you safe but your fantasies FULFILLED, that they are worth less doing this JOB for you, than working fast food. B, please… like I said. Sex machine 👍
Kr**** Posted Saturday at 01:59 PM (edited) 1 hour ago, Steph_Kit8288 said: I hate to say that because I am not sexist, but it is mostly men that complain about paying Female Dominants and mistresses I never heared of a woman being asked to pay for sex/kink in general, so I guess it is unlikely to ever hear them complain about it... ^^' Personally I need a connection. Feeling wanted is more important than the act itself and paying for a service ridicules the whole idea of being dominated to begin with. I have no issue with safe and honest sex work. It's just not my cup of tea and the men colmplaining often say that it started with regular flirting and when they have feelings she asks for payment. That is unethical in my opinion. Like... There are dungeon masters, who offer generic pen&paper sessions for ***. If one of my friends I play with on a regular basis came up with the idea to charge us *** for his investments in his hobby ... books he wants to read... miniatures he wants to own..., I would scratch my head, too. We often offer each other to share material or buy books. And to close the circle to kink: I buy lots of toys my girlfriend finds interesting... but it is offered not demanded. That makes a huge difference to me. Edited Saturday at 02:16 PM by Krateros
St**** Posted Saturday at 02:25 PM 26 minutes ago, Krateros said: I never heared of a woman being asked to pay for sex/kink in general, so I guess it is unlikely to ever hear them complain about it... ^^' Personally I need a connection. Feeling wanted is more important than the act itself and paying for a service ridicules the whole idea of being dominated to begin with. I have no issue with safe and honest sex work. It's just not my cup of tea and the men colmplaining often say that it started with regular flirting and when they have feelings she asks for payment. That is unethical in my opinion. Like... There are dungeon masters, who offer generic pen&paper sessions for ***. If one of my friends I play with on a regular basis came up with the idea to charge us *** for his investments in his hobby ... books he wants to read... miniatures he wants to own..., I would scratch my head, too. We often offer each other to share material or buy books. And to close the circle to kink: I buy lots of toys my girlfriend finds interesting... but it is offered not demanded. That makes a huge difference to me. Thank you for your opinion, but what you described is not a dominant/sub dynamic. What you are describing, just like you said in your second to last sentence is a girlfriend experience where you share kinks and I can promise you, it’s a lot more than just buying toys and books. So let me ask you this, if your best friend’s wife was a baker.. and you have twin eight-year-old boys, suddenly you need two birthday cakes by tomorrow afternoon for their birthday party, let’s just say the other baker that was booked was found on Google, or Craigslist, and weren’t exactly educated.. or had the skills to pull off something that daunting.. or maybe they just got overbooked right? For that service, that your best friend‘s wife is going to provide for you, for two birthday cakes in less than 24 hours for your twin sons, I mean we’re talking about your best friend‘s wife here. Do you think she’s gonna ask you to pay for that? For her time for her knowledge for her skills? Not only that, but are you the type of friend that always expects free items and discounts from your friends and family instead of supporting their small businesses or careers? I can tell you with my whole chest that lady would laugh in your face and tell you to go get you a Duncan Hines box mix…. And I know this because my other “job” is my own custom cake and wedding catering business that I’ve had for seven years. I work full-time sometimes six days a week during busy season. What you’re missing in all of this is, this isn’t a hobby for a lot of of us! I’m not really sure your experiences have been of a true Dom sub dynamic because I don’t think if you had that, and had it with someone truly experienced and wanting to tame you.. you’d know it’s a huge toll and responsibility. It takes skills and knowledge and education to even train your mistresses your Dom‘s your owners to keep their own emotions in check, on top of everything else that they’re responsible for, you do realize are 100% in that person‘s hands.. a true Dom in this lifestyle does not take that lightly and once you have that type of experience as a submissive or slave, or brat… that’s when it becomes a difference between a lifestyle decision for you or just a kink you do on occasion. I really do hope that you get to experience this and please again excuse my sassiness and run-on sentences lol. I don’t deal with bras as much anymore, but it’s always fun. 🤩
St**** Posted Saturday at 02:26 PM 1 minute ago, Steph_Kit8288 said: Thank you for your opinion, but what you described is not a dominant/sub dynamic. What you are describing, just like you said in your second to last sentence is a girlfriend experience where you share kinks and I can promise you, it’s a lot more than just buying toys and books. So let me ask you this, if your best friend’s wife was a baker.. and you have twin eight-year-old boys, suddenly you need two birthday cakes by tomorrow afternoon for their birthday party, let’s just say the other baker that was booked was found on Google, or Craigslist, and weren’t exactly educated.. or had the skills to pull off something that daunting.. or maybe they just got overbooked right? For that service, that your best friend‘s wife is going to provide for you, for two birthday cakes in less than 24 hours for your twin sons, I mean we’re talking about your best friend‘s wife here. Do you think she’s gonna ask you to pay for that? For her time for her knowledge for her skills? Not only that, but are you the type of friend that always expects free items and discounts from your friends and family instead of supporting their small businesses or careers? I can tell you with my whole chest that lady would laugh in your face and tell you to go get you a Duncan Hines box mix…. And I know this because my other “job” is my own custom cake and wedding catering business that I’ve had for seven years. I work full-time sometimes six days a week during busy season. What you’re missing in all of this is, this isn’t a hobby for a lot of of us! I’m not really sure your experiences have been of a true Dom sub dynamic because I don’t think if you had that, and had it with someone truly experienced and wanting to tame you.. you’d know it’s a huge toll and responsibility. It takes skills and knowledge and education to even train your mistresses your Dom‘s your owners to keep their own emotions in check, on top of everything else that they’re responsible for, you do realize are 100% in that person‘s hands.. a true Dom in this lifestyle does not take that lightly and once you have that type of experience as a submissive or slave, or brat… that’s when it becomes a difference between a lifestyle decision for you or just a kink you do on occasion. I really do hope that you get to experience this and please again excuse my sassiness and run-on sentences lol. I don’t deal with bras as much anymore, but it’s always fun. 🤩 If you get to have that experience soon, please tag me and let me know how it goes for you! Where are you worship your mistress, gift her the way she deserves to be gifted since we can’t say that word, and you’re truly fulfilled safely to the point where you can’t wait to come back for more and not in a month not on your birthday, do you want it now. 💖
St**** Posted Saturday at 02:30 PM 4 minutes ago, Steph_Kit8288 said: Thank you for your opinion, but what you described is not a dominant/sub dynamic. What you are describing, just like you said in your second to last sentence is a girlfriend experience where you share kinks and I can promise you, it’s a lot more than just buying toys and books. So let me ask you this, if your best friend’s wife was a baker.. and you have twin eight-year-old boys, suddenly you need two birthday cakes by tomorrow afternoon for their birthday party, let’s just say the other baker that was booked was found on Google, or Craigslist, and weren’t exactly educated.. or had the skills to pull off something that daunting.. or maybe they just got overbooked right? For that service, that your best friend‘s wife is going to provide for you, for two birthday cakes in less than 24 hours for your twin sons, I mean we’re talking about your best friend‘s wife here. Do you think she’s gonna ask you to pay for that? For her time for her knowledge for her skills? Not only that, but are you the type of friend that always expects free items and discounts from your friends and family instead of supporting their small businesses or careers? I can tell you with my whole chest that lady would laugh in your face and tell you to go get you a Duncan Hines box mix…. And I know this because my other “job” is my own custom cake and wedding catering business that I’ve had for seven years. I work full-time sometimes six days a week during busy season. What you’re missing in all of this is, this isn’t a hobby for a lot of of us! I’m not really sure your experiences have been of a true Dom sub dynamic because I don’t think if you had that, and had it with someone truly experienced and wanting to tame you.. you’d know it’s a huge toll and responsibility. It takes skills and knowledge and education to even train your mistresses your Dom‘s your owners to keep their own emotions in check, on top of everything else that they’re responsible for, you do realize are 100% in that person‘s hands.. a true Dom in this lifestyle does not take that lightly and once you have that type of experience as a submissive or slave, or brat… that’s when it becomes a difference between a lifestyle decision for you or just a kink you do on occasion. I really do hope that you get to experience this and please again excuse my sassiness and run-on sentences lol. I don’t deal with bras as much anymore, but it’s always fun. 🤩 i’m so sorry oops I forgot to mention this part so PSS… I know plenty of male Dom’s/ slave owners that charge double triple what a female mistress does and that’s a whole Other ball game!! when you start talking about learning rope play, and things like that that a lot of women cannot do as far as lifting weight like that, come on now there’s a LOT of *** being made by men owners and no, it’s not just gay men paying them, there’s sooo many rope bunnies paying lots and lots of ***! 💪
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