Dominatrix life coach?

[TimtheMerciless]

I've heard this is a thing. Do you have any recommendations or experiences to offer?

[Deleted Member]

I’ve seen someone advertising on FL as a dominatrix coach but I’m slightly unclear on what you’re asking for? Do you need a life coach or a mentor to show you the ropes as a D or s?
As someone who offers both life coaching and accountability coaching I have pressed on the D/s dynamic with huge success in accountability work but I’m unclear what role it would play in general life coaching - I’m intrigued by your question!

[ey****]

I mean this with no shade, but tread carefully.

"Life Coach" is one of those terms which is not a protected term. i.e. anyone can call themselves a life coach with no formal/recognised qualifications.   

If someone is giving you good advice/motivation and you're happy to pay them for that - then, fair, but again I remind of step 1.

I will tell you a problem that has popped up in the past, mind.  So there are a handful of Pro Dommes I can think of who do have formal qualifications for therapy (I know not the same thing as a life coach, but follow me) and they won't be a therapist to someone they are also a Dominatrix to - as it's too much of a conflict of interest.

However there were also those who had NO such qualifications (and some who did) who were offering kinda "Dominatrix Therapy sessions" which was massively unethical and a big conflict of interest.   That basically, someone had maybe had a session and a chat and after the whole subspace thing and that, actually, play can be good for mood etc - that they suddenly felt they were able to offer paid for support and it's.... eek

Like, it can be good to be working on stuff which improves your life with your Domme - but - be very wary here on stuff like conflict of interest and so on.

[Alyssasissy]

1 hour ago, centralpark said:

I’ve seen someone advertising on FL as a dominatrix coach but I’m slightly unclear on what you’re asking for? Do you need a life coach or a mentor to show you the ropes as a D or s?
As someone who offers both life coaching and accountability coaching I have pressed on the D/s dynamic with huge success in accountability work but I’m unclear what role it would play in general life coaching - I’m intrigued by your question!

What makes you qualified to be a dom coach? No disrespect. Is it just experience

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, Alyssasissy said:

What makes you qualified to be a dom coach? No disrespect. Is it just experience

I’m not a dom coach, I’m asking what one is in the context of the OP. I understand what a mentor is and I understand what a life coach is but I don’t understand how life coaching and domination go together. Qualified life coach here :)
If you are referring to my mention of using D/s in accountability coaching this is really just basic psychology. There is a ton of accountability happening in D/s dynamics so if I happen to get a client looking for accountability who has submissive traits or is in the lifestyle then leaning into this can yield great results.

So to answer your question again, I’m am most certainly not a Dom coach, I’m a qualified life coach who happens to be kinky.

[VoodooQueen_]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I mean this with no shade, but tread carefully.

"Life Coach" is one of those terms which is not a protected term. i.e. anyone can call themselves a life coach with no formal/recognised qualifications.   

If someone is giving you good advice/motivation and you're happy to pay them for that - then, fair, but again I remind of step 1.

I will tell you a problem that has popped up in the past, mind.  So there are a handful of Pro Dommes I can think of who do have formal qualifications for therapy (I know not the same thing as a life coach, but follow me) and they won't be a therapist to someone they are also a Dominatrix to - as it's too much of a conflict of interest.

However there were also those who had NO such qualifications (and some who did) who were offering kinda "Dominatrix Therapy sessions" which was massively unethical and a big conflict of interest.   That basically, someone had maybe had a session and a chat and after the whole subspace thing and that, actually, play can be good for mood etc - that they suddenly felt they were able to offer paid for support and it's.... eek

Like, it can be good to be working on stuff which improves your life with your Domme - but - be very wary here on stuff like conflict of interest and so on.

OMG, everyone should read this

[TimtheMerciless]

On 7/1/2024 at 9:15 AM, centralpark said:

I’m not a dom coach, I’m asking what one is in the context of the OP. I understand what a mentor is and I understand what a life coach is but I don’t understand how life coaching and domination go together. Qualified life coach here :)
If you are referring to my mention of using D/s in accountability coaching this is really just basic psychology. There is a ton of accountability happening in D/s dynamics so if I happen to get a client looking for accountability who has submissive traits or is in the lifestyle then leaning into this can yield great results.

So to answer your question again, I’m am most certainly not a Dom coach, I’m a qualified life coach who happens to be kinky.

Thanks for clarifying the terminology excellently. I think most of us can see ( or have experienced) the potential psychological benefits of kink. 

 

I'm interested in hearing people's experiences of these benefits.

 

This might be from  the kind of domination where a person's psyche is explored using the tool of their reactions to being dominated. 

 

I have found myself doing this a little with a sub who I have a particular lasting connection with.

 

This isn't formal therapy - but I see it as a small-but-not-zero  part of being her friend. 

 

Or it might be where domination is used as an accountability (as you put it) tool.

 

I'm mainly curious because there's this big gap between public/media perception of kink and mental health ( i.e- it is part of a trauma- induced mental disease) vs. people's very common actual experiences ( that it is  cathartic, emotionally liberating and psychologically positive). 

 

So I'm interested in people's experiences of kink and mental health - esp. wether they have used it deliberately to support mental health or to explicitly support living positively.

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, TimtheMerciless said:

Thanks for clarifying the terminology excellently. I think most of us can see ( or have experienced) the potential psychological benefits of kink. 

 

I'm interested in hearing people's experiences of these benefits.

 

This might be from  the kind of domination where a person's psyche is explored using the tool of their reactions to being dominated. 

 

I have found myself doing this a little with a sub who I have a particular lasting connection with.

 

This isn't formal therapy - but I see it as a small-but-not-zero  part of being her friend. 

 

Or it might be where domination is used as an accountability (as you put it) tool.

 

I'm mainly curious because there's this big gap between public/media perception of kink and mental health ( i.e- it is part of a trauma- induced mental disease) vs. people's very common actual experiences ( that it is  cathartic, emotionally liberating and psychologically positive). 

 

So I'm interested in people's experiences of kink and mental health - esp. wether they have used it deliberately to support mental health or to explicitly support living positively.

Ahhh ok - you may want to reword your OP as I don’t think it’s that clear from that what you are asking..

If it helps.. I think I can answer this question based on my own experience:)

TRIGGER WARNING DV/SA

I came to kink consciously and deliberately in my “healing journey”. I suffered decades of ***, *** and *** and was completely numb to the idea of sex. I’m three years out of a DV marriage where sex was ***d, ***ful and frightening and I honestly believed I would happily go the rest of my life without ever having sex again. I’d never self pleasured due to my upbringing and horrendous slut shaming from my mum and was just totally out of touch with my body.

Over the last 3 years I’ve done a lot of work- therapy, healing, learning about my own body etc etc and I began to reawaken to the idea of a sexual relationship. I’ve always been deeply romantic and crave love and I realised it would be unfair to start dating without addressing sexual trauma. I did as much as I could on my own but at some point one needs to erm- do the deed!

Enter kink stage right ⭐️

For me the big draw is the communication and the heavy emphasis on consent and boundaries. Also as someone who has experienced massive amounts of unsafety and feeling out of control the upfront and open conversations really help to nurture feelings of safety and trust. In terms of D/s specifically, I found that handing over trust and control eliminated panic for me. I’ve been able to enjoy acts that were previously extremely triggering for me because I trusted my D completely. He was excellent at reading my body language and stepping in to reassure and encourage where needed.

I sometimes use the phrase “know when to tenderly make love and hold you close and when to fuck the demons away” and I think Doms are excellent at this. Sometimes the only way through the fires of hell is… through. And an experienced Dom can take an s there without doing damage I feel.

I think you mentioned accountability so I’ll round off by saying I’ve had a non sexual D/s as well where the purpose was pretty much entirely accountability based. Over about 6-8 weeks I got my habits back on track and lost about a stone in weight that I’d been meaning to lose. I do accountability coaching myself so maybe I approached the dynamic slightly differently to other subs - I don’t know. I just knew that whilst I was just helping others I’d gone a bit off track myself and my need to please meant a Dom was excellently placed to hold me accountable.

Hope this helps, I know it’s a bit of an essay!

[Shilo66]

46 minutes ago, TimtheMerciless said:

So I'm interested in people's experiences of kink and mental health - esp. wether they have used it deliberately to support mental health or to explicitly support living positively.

I've quite literally done this several times to help ex-subs of mine with their mental health and to live positively. I've even written on my bio/profile page in the 'how did you get into Kink section' about how I got addicted to kink and the type of kinks that I'm into because of doing the above - feel free to read it, my profile is open to all, except those I've blocked. 

So, how it started for me, was that basically, a rather attractive young lady in the social circle that I frequented at the time, *picked* me because I had a reputation for being fair but no-nonsense and because it was well known that I wasn't one to tolerate fools gladly.... Have a look at my forum posts, they will attest to this. I always try to be fair, but tolerating the fools.....

She wanted a guy who she could see as an authority figure and who she couldn't easily manipulate, and, also had strong boundaries, and, wouldn't shy away from making her accountable for her choices and actions.... she liked being punished for real reasons of disobedience... something about butterflies in her stomach, the anticipation, the embarrassment and obviously, the ***. 

*She* even warned me at the beginning of our relationship that if I gave an inch, or let up on her, that she would take a mile, so I didn't. Obviously, we made time to chat and query stuff, review what was  working and what wasn't and to reflect... which is soooo important but so few will actually do this. It got to the point that we had a full-on TPE and CNC relationship - which is NOTHING like R*pe play - as the lazy people who can't be bothered to do proper research seem to think!

She thrived during our time together. I took her to the gym to lose some weight, and she did... as you can see from my profile pick, I quite like the gym. I helped her to quit smoking and I helped her to focus back on her studies (she was a mature student) which she passed with flying colours. 

So yes, Kink can and does work, but again obviously, you have to be careful when, where, how, why and who to apply it to.  

 

[hemlock33]

Kint sounds about right.

[sa****]

❤️

[TimtheMerciless]

On 7/3/2024 at 9:03 AM, centralpark said:

Ahhh ok - you may want to reword your OP as I don’t think it’s that clear from that what you are asking..

If it helps.. I think I can answer this question based on my own experience:)

TRIGGER WARNING DV/SA

I came to kink consciously and deliberately in my “healing journey”. I suffered decades of ***, *** and *** and was completely numb to the idea of sex. I’m three years out of a DV marriage where sex was ***d, ***ful and frightening and I honestly believed I would happily go the rest of my life without ever having sex again. I’d never self pleasured due to my upbringing and horrendous slut shaming from my mum and was just totally out of touch with my body.

Over the last 3 years I’ve done a lot of work- therapy, healing, learning about my own body etc etc and I began to reawaken to the idea of a sexual relationship. I’ve always been deeply romantic and crave love and I realised it would be unfair to start dating without addressing sexual trauma. I did as much as I could on my own but at some point one needs to erm- do the deed!

Enter kink stage right ⭐️

For me the big draw is the communication and the heavy emphasis on consent and boundaries. Also as someone who has experienced massive amounts of unsafety and feeling out of control the upfront and open conversations really help to nurture feelings of safety and trust. In terms of D/s specifically, I found that handing over trust and control eliminated panic for me. I’ve been able to enjoy acts that were previously extremely triggering for me because I trusted my D completely. He was excellent at reading my body language and stepping in to reassure and encourage where needed.

I sometimes use the phrase “know when to tenderly make love and hold you close and when to fuck the demons away” and I think Doms are excellent at this. Sometimes the only way through the fires of hell is… through. And an experienced Dom can take an s there without doing damage I feel.

I think you mentioned accountability so I’ll round off by saying I’ve had a non sexual D/s as well where the purpose was pretty much entirely accountability based. Over about 6-8 weeks I got my habits back on track and lost about a stone in weight that I’d been meaning to lose. I do accountability coaching myself so maybe I approached the dynamic slightly differently to other subs - I don’t know. I just knew that whilst I was just helping others I’d gone a bit off track myself and my need to please meant a Dom was excellently placed to hold me accountable.

Hope this helps, I know it’s a bit of an essay!

Thank you for the very full reply . I am glad you have been able to use kink to good effect in your life. It is impressive that you have addressed your traumas and difficult lives events with some skill and sense of strategy and direction.

 

Inspiring. I hope you have the surface to enjoy your living now   and do it meaningfully.  Great reply.

 

[TimtheMerciless]

On 7/3/2024 at 9:03 AM, centralpark said:

Ahhh ok - you may want to reword your OP as I don’t think it’s that clear from that what you are asking..

If it helps.. I think I can answer this question based on my own experience:)

TRIGGER WARNING DV/SA

I came to kink consciously and deliberately in my “healing journey”. I suffered decades of ***, *** and *** and was completely numb to the idea of sex. I’m three years out of a DV marriage where sex was ***d, ***ful and frightening and I honestly believed I would happily go the rest of my life without ever having sex again. I’d never self pleasured due to my upbringing and horrendous slut shaming from my mum and was just totally out of touch with my body.

Over the last 3 years I’ve done a lot of work- therapy, healing, learning about my own body etc etc and I began to reawaken to the idea of a sexual relationship. I’ve always been deeply romantic and crave love and I realised it would be unfair to start dating without addressing sexual trauma. I did as much as I could on my own but at some point one needs to erm- do the deed!

Enter kink stage right ⭐️

For me the big draw is the communication and the heavy emphasis on consent and boundaries. Also as someone who has experienced massive amounts of unsafety and feeling out of control the upfront and open conversations really help to nurture feelings of safety and trust. In terms of D/s specifically, I found that handing over trust and control eliminated panic for me. I’ve been able to enjoy acts that were previously extremely triggering for me because I trusted my D completely. He was excellent at reading my body language and stepping in to reassure and encourage where needed.

I sometimes use the phrase “know when to tenderly make love and hold you close and when to fuck the demons away” and I think Doms are excellent at this. Sometimes the only way through the fires of hell is… through. And an experienced Dom can take an s there without doing damage I feel.

I think you mentioned accountability so I’ll round off by saying I’ve had a non sexual D/s as well where the purpose was pretty much entirely accountability based. Over about 6-8 weeks I got my habits back on track and lost about a stone in weight that I’d been meaning to lose. I do accountability coaching myself so maybe I approached the dynamic slightly differently to other subs - I don’t know. I just knew that whilst I was just helping others I’d gone a bit off track myself and my need to please meant a Dom was excellently placed to hold me accountable.

Hope this helps, I know it’s a bit of an essay!

 

On 7/3/2024 at 10:25 AM, Shilo66 said:

I've quite literally done this several times to help ex-subs of mine with their mental health and to live positively. I've even written on my bio/profile page in the 'how did you get into Kink section' about how I got addicted to kink and the type of kinks that I'm into because of doing the above - feel free to read it, my profile is open to all, except those I've blocked. 

So, how it started for me, was that basically, a rather attractive young lady in the social circle that I frequented at the time, *picked* me because I had a reputation for being fair but no-nonsense and because it was well known that I wasn't one to tolerate fools gladly.... Have a look at my forum posts, they will attest to this. I always try to be fair, but tolerating the fools.....

She wanted a guy who she could see as an authority figure and who she couldn't easily manipulate, and, also had strong boundaries, and, wouldn't shy away from making her accountable for her choices and actions.... she liked being punished for real reasons of disobedience... something about butterflies in her stomach, the anticipation, the embarrassment and obviously, the ***. 

*She* even warned me at the beginning of our relationship that if I gave an inch, or let up on her, that she would take a mile, so I didn't. Obviously, we made time to chat and query stuff, review what was  working and what wasn't and to reflect... which is soooo important but so few will actually do this. It got to the point that we had a full-on TPE and CNC relationship - which is NOTHING like R*pe play - as the lazy people who can't be bothered to do proper research seem to think!

She thrived during our time together. I took her to the gym to lose some weight, and she did... as you can see from my profile pick, I quite like the gym. I helped her to quit smoking and I helped her to focus back on her studies (she was a mature student) which she passed with flying colours. 

So yes, Kink can and does work, but again obviously, you have to be careful when, where, how, why and who to apply it to.  

 

Great reply, good to hear you use your power for the good . I have found that even in me ( I'm generally pretty positive ) - power does corrupt at times.

Not always though. That's what can  make kink special.