I try to be patient with moderators . They are giving their time for free and might have some weaknesses that seem baffling to others. I had a post taken down because it "didn't con*** to the discussion" , which left me so baffled I wondered if the moderator had accidentally clicked delete on the Read more… wrong post. Was wracking my brains to think how I might have pushed a button on somebody, but I couldn't think of how. It wasn't something controversial and was a fairly harmless discussion not touching on any obvious controversies.
Maybe the moderator was reading in a hurry or misread something. Or maybe predictive text inserted something unfortunate : I'll never know🤣

I had a short but epic year affair with a lady I clicked with very strongly. We had very different ideas about career and which country to live in. So it was a time that was short, but sweet. Our play philosophy was unmatchably compatible.
I did an absolutely epic year of power related kink ( we Read more… chose a short sporting tournament to follow and the winner got to be Dom for a year. Really) .
Some of it was ritualised - but the power of the ritual was associated with disciplines and sacrifices that the rituals symbolised. The two derived power from each other.
We had some small rituals and observances that were very powerful. But I think the power of them came from the nature of our relationship and the commitment, cruel, curious playfulness and trust in it.
The two fed on each other. Ritual was a rein***r of intended action and a celebration of the consistency and reliability of our relationship . Reliability built trust. Trust empowered wildness and made some crazy dynamics a real possibility.
It also gave quiet times a frisson of the extraordinary.
The trust level was stratospheric. Consequently it was possible ( though not always necessary) for her to be extremely sadistic in a way that wouldn't have been possible had she just been a broadly positive acquaintance.
What I really liked was that mostly nothing happened .
But there was this possibility of peril hanging over the most innocent of visits to a nice cafe. What might there journey home bring?
Probably nothing. But not definitely. Every moment of every day was tinged with epic adventure .
Sometimes to clear the space of erotic tension she would say ' we are just being normal for today' or I would request it because the erotic peril was making it hard to enjoy her company on a mundane level.
Also because I trusted her I was able to commit to things that were technically not overtly sexy (not the overt indulgence of bells and whistles "domination in lingerie ").
We pre-discussed that there would be a possiblity open that there would be no sexual reward for me AT ALL through out the next year.
I committed to doing my best to keep to that . So I knew that I had the determination to keep to it because it was her. And the reward for me was genuinely to please her and be amusing for her - even if she was just driven by mischief or if she just abandoned me to nothing, not even passive teasing .
So any cruelty , no matter how passive , because a gift.
The trust and emotional link created this unique imaginative space where the weirdest behaviour became real. A trust- based hadron-collider in which unstable fantasy dynamics could be sustained in an environment in which the rules of normality no longer apply.
In reality there was quite a lot of lush sexuality but I knew she was mischievous, cruel, ruthless and most of all: curious enough, to cut that out at any time and subject me to who-knows-what privations.
I knew she would probably want the lush sexuality for us and that the privations she subjected me to were a turn on and a tease also for her self.
But I also knew she might be curious enough to see what would happen if she showed some curiousity about having some discipline and exploring the effect of prolonging some privation for months.
I promised to work to my best ability to fulfil any instruction that did not impact on uninvolved third parties. She knew I meant it.
We were also realistic. If I baulked at something we would work together to find an equivalent as a punishment that matched on an emotional level, and also punished the refused activity.
Punishment wasn't inevitable. She was unpredictably lenient.
But I knew she meant it. Part of the deal was there was no obligation to be cruel but also not a limit to the amount of cruelty I would be willing to commit my self to.
If she had said "cut off your finger" I obviously wouldn't have done it (only dumb people think fantasy is real. Extreme unwise fantasy isn't great fantasy : it's actually dumb acts done in a state of stupidity. The commitment comes from making something which is crazy but not crazy. It's a kind of Schrödinger's s state )
But I would have done my best to take it that as much as I was able I owed her a finger. I would have showed gratitude that she was tolerating non payment .
The moral of the story is if you REALLY click with someone as a person spiritually (excuse the big term but I can't think of an alternative) and in terms of sense of humour : things can get VERY weird!

Its kind of obvious but kind of not obvious - that the rituals of kink are really an acting out of emotional dynamics we want to have.
(Bows respectfully and cheekily eyes the 'click on my profile button' , with coquettish expression on face)
I've been to a fetish event where I was dommed by a Read more… lady at the request of my then girlfriend. It was hot and then lady was showing a lot of goodwill by staying in character and interacting with my GF . To be honest I was pretty dazzled by the hotness of the whole situation.
But on reflection I hope Dom lady was having a good time . Perhaps she really was what her fet event persona indicated - a ninja assassin with extravagant lingerie taste. But more likely I expect she was a teacher or a geologist or an occupational therapist.
But what made it just hot was it was gifted to me by my girlfriend. So underneath the dazzling "acted drama scenario " of the lacy sadistic assassin, there was an actual emotion.
I'm assuming some goodwill and genuine excitement from sadist assassin lady , but could relate to my then girlfriend's generosity more because I was more familiar with her and had a more worked - out sense of the kinds of (messed - up but heartfelt) connections drove our relationship.

Totally off topic ( 👉😵‍💫💨) but what software/app are you using , it works really well.

It's a jungle out there sure enough 🤨

Would a convex mirror make me look larger I wonder? 😉

Argentinian violinist, Paz Lechantin: Venus in furs

Good to hear from the Dom side. I've used a shock collar both as Dom holder and sub. I love the way that even quite mild shocks are very motivating not just for obedience but for a comprehensive submission that's very amusing to witness in a normally spirited creature.
From a sub perspective it's Read more… easy to engage with the role as your resistance is zero. There's no sight sense of your own ridiculousness. You just focus wholly on not provoking any kind of displeasure or dissatisfaction. I love it when either party is kind of 100% in role. Though humour helps too.

That sounds like a blast. I'm glad the tech isn't ruining it. I'm a big believer in just promising not to open the key box. Which if you are the kind of person that can do that, and the trust is there , makes things easy for both parties.
Though the finality of a physically inaccessible key Read more… sounds like a blast. I would like to try that one day .
I read there is an tens unit that's app controllable called coyote that is getting favourite reviews. I love the sci-fi dystopia sense of a domme exerting power through an automated entity.

I read somewhere that the app that controls it isn't intuitive. So you just had a tech problem repeatedly.

Nicely put.

But seriously yes great advice. My take on it is look at how others do it but look for what is dommy about yourself. So in my case I'm not macho ( I'm bordering on camp ) but I am sarcastic and funny.
So I riff with that when I'm being Dommy. For somebody else they need to riff with Thier Dommy Read more… qualities, whatever they might be. Every person is different.