:1787341301,7265081,
I really appreciate you sharing and I welcome more sharing from individuals in this abundance environment.

The pray / non-predator dynamic exists here as well and in that light we can all learn something.

Although, I am Read more… entertaining that the dynamic is more prey / stoic predator rather than non, because the seeking is still present no matter the calmness. Like cleaner fish or how a biologist can interact with wildlife. Danger is present but curiosity is higher priority.

It's not so much the availability or the attention as it is the demand that turns interest into perceived aggression. Multiple messages become boundary issues and irritating. Notifications become cries.

I only have one dynamic where I have to manufacture absence and delay so it's definitely a learning curve for me because I've never experienced messages going unanswered.

But I do welcome growth. Very comical part is if I narrate my day every couple hours she may not reply for four, eight, 12, or 24 hours and not answered anything or detail what she's done. If she messages me and I don't reply to her within a couple hours she's blowing my phone up so it's very strange situation and I am trying to fully wrap my head around it.

This tracks with the anxious curious prey dynamic. Comes out to look around, message sent, but doesn't see the non-predator/ 'safe-predator' in the area (reply delay), so anxiety spikes. This is my working hypothesis.

If she gets constant input from me she's calm enough not to have to reach out (which looks like pulling away, when in reality she's just comfortable). She also ignores questions that she doesn't know how to answer or make her feel uncomfortable. (She had a stomach bug and I asked her if she had worked everything out in very specific language and she didn't want to tell me that she had pooped 🤣 so she ignored the question and others of a different focus).

In the prey dynamic I would say that this would be a random mushroom or weird slug in the area the common response would be "what's that" or "look at that bug" or "I don't know" or "I don't want to answer that question" someone overwhelmed or quiet ignores or doesn't say a word but the silence is not intentionally trying to harm the dynamic, silent non-verbal cues are important in person, over text, silence is hard to evaluate.

Have you specifically told your dom not to message you more than once or wait multiple hours or days for a reply?

I specifically asked if she would like less communication or for me to wait for her response. She said she likes me narrating and sending pictures and details about my day, she says yes I love hearing from you.

I know that this is a me problem but it's so deep-seated it's very hard to identify what is happening when it's happening. Again working hypothesis, the act of repeated contact without reward or reciprocation creates a prey drive somewhere deep in our lizard brain and without self-correction moves the aggressor into a more primal state and I only attribute this to behaviors that insured our survival leaking out into a world that no longer operates that way.

I have a lot more to think about, but this is very fascinating to me and I want to know the actual mechanics of what is actually happening on the chemical/psyc level.

After I broke down your word salad analogies and interesting viewpoint, I wonder if a therapist would be very beneficial for you to help you navigate your thoughts and actions.
Have you ever considered that your partner is busy when she doesn’t reply? She could be away from her phone and enjoying an activity or working. Not everyone is going to be sitting next to their phone anticipating a message.

I always set communication boundaries with all of my partners. I make it absolutely clear that I have a life outside of them and I will answer them when I am able. I make time for all of my Doms and I make time for myself. I live with 2 of my Doms and we have rules about communication during the day.

Some people are fine with narration of their day and others find it annoying. Some don’t like to be constantly questioned about what they do and others struggle to word what they have done because they find it difficult or uncomfortable to talk about. Some people are raised in certain cultures where bodily functions aren’t spoken about.

I think it would be very helpful for you to not overanalyze any of this. That leads to non logical theories and analogies that are concocted. Have you considered finding a new hobby or something to occupy your attention during the day?

I love hearing from my partners but I do not like a full day narration play by play nor a series of panicked messages. It’s annoying and they respect my boundaries on it.

I think you should stop looking at it from a predator prey concept. It’s not logical in what you’re describing and she’s a human being not a wild ***. I think therapy would be very beneficial for you to help you unpack your thoughts and feelings regarding yourself and how you see your reality.

I am poly and I have been with 3 of my Doms for almost 18 years. My 4th for almost one year, and recently my 5th for maybe a month. I am an educator/work full time, I have hobbies, I have a massive garden that I tend to, I have a life outside of my partners. I have boundaries when it comes to Read more… accessing me. No one is entitled in my dynamic to my time. I give them my time because I love them, cherish them, and respect them. I have time for myself when I want time for myself. I will shut down access to me when I feel the need to. I dislike my phone being blow up multiple times because someone cannot be patient or they need to be entertained because they are bored. I have an ex partner that I had to end things with because he felt entitled to me and my time. He would blow my phone up the minute my contract hours were over and would continuously do so. He struggled with being told no and he was pushy, needy, self-centered, and had the personality of moldy corn. He tried pushing me to be a caregiver for his disability even though that goes against my boundaries.
Your availability is not always going to be someone else’s availability. Many people dislike their phones blowing up, etc. Communication is great and a key in dynamics. Overloading someone with it isn’t. It can make the other person feel smothered and overwhelmed. People have lives outside of their dynamic and you’re not entitled to that. It can be very annoying to have ***s or phones blowing up all day because the other is bored or has nothing new to do to entertain themselves and be patient.

All of my partners are very intelligent, educated, well rounded, and open minded. I am a sapiosexual and intellect is extremely important to me. I cannot be with a partner that is dumb or content with ignorance.

One of my Doms and I use it and we love it! It’s great if you have multiple Doms and all the rewards are different. He is a little more stricter than the others and we don’t pay for anything. He sets my goals for the day, I meet them, I save up my points. I’m at 15,000 points right now. I save them Read more… and make sure I use them on specific rewards I really want. It’s fantastic for us!

Using wipes is lazy when it comes to hygiene. Take a shower and use soap. Scrub scrub. Wipes will not effectively clean you.

:1786081302,7750014,
And that is amazing that you’ve grown and developed a confidence in who you are! Yet your wording about “facing reality” comes off as though those who struggle with insecurities and anxieties are somehow less. Like they are the problem Read more… for having doubts and worries when in reality, it’s just how their brain is wired. Growth is possible, as you’ve experienced, but i feel like more empathy could have been applied in response to OP’s post.

Not everyone is going to be empathetic when it comes to responses. When a post is made and responded to, it’s not always going to be an empathetic one. I gave my experience and how I dealt with it. How someone interprets it isn’t my responsibility. Some people are the problem when it comes to their situation and self reflection is necessary.

I was fully aware of Dom drop because I did extensive research and engaged in conversation within my local community. I always give my Doms aftercare after a scene. It’s a requirement in our dynamic. I live with 2 of my Doms but the other 3 are LDRs. I even give aftercare in my LDRs because it’s a Read more… necessity. It’s not all about the submissive after a scene. Everyone engaged in that play should negotiate aftercare.

My Doms have rarely had a drop and it’s been years since their last one. Medication, aftercare, and negotiation play a huge part. Doms need care as well. They are only human.

I haven’t had these feelings in years with my Dominants because I faced reality. If I can’t do something, I can’t do it. I don’t sit and wallow in the feelings or blame myself. My body has changed over the years and so have my limits and kinks. I am more than enough for my Dominants and I don’t Read more… look for problems where there are none. My Dominants love me and respect me for me. They satisfied with what I do for them and we are content. We don’t waste energy on the what ifs, what we cannot control or do. We accept change and move on. It’s part of life. I am not sorry for my limits nor do I feel guilty.

:1784859391,2281256, sure makes sense to me. i failed to mention that i was also assured that i could unilaterally cancel the contract anytime.
so it made no sense to me that i was asked for permission......asked for input....told i could cancel it....and assured id remain the Read more… priority.....
..but not be able to see it? makes no sense.
also...the variety of responses is...interesting to say the least..

Anyone can leave a contract like this at any time because it’s not legally binding. People cannot *** partners to maintain the contract or stay with them. Since it isn’t legally binding you can leave it without any repercussions. I certainly wouldn’t maintain a dynamic with someone that refused access to it.