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Very new to this and wanting to chat with likeminded people.
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Thats how I thought it should be. He did make me feel like that, important to him, but when he started veering from our agreement and following his own path I just felt lost and betrayed. And now, even still I'm a shaking mess most days. I'm not sure how to even begin healing. I think you may be Read more… right.
Thankyou. I was hoping to find peace like that too. With my needs thrown in the bin, I didn't have anything to hold on to. I probably could have done a lot better, its just horrible feeling like a failure.
Thankyou. We kind of both just fell into it together, neither were experienced, we just did a lot of research. I wouldn't know where to start looking for a new dom lol. I met him at a singles group.
I'm sorry you've travelled this road too. It's like hell. I want to feel it, let myself break down for a while but I have a toddler on my own and i have to try and stay strong for her, and him who has ditched me and sits in hospital after asking me to wait without having a voice.
Thankyou for Read more… being kind, I need all the vibes I can get lol. I can't eat or sleep but if I do I have nightmares. I had no idea how psychologically damaging it can be.
Thanks Bounty. He is so broken, he has told me he can't be what I need. I'm finding it hard because he's not in his right mind atm. So I'm holding on until he gets out of hospital and degrading myself in the process. Thankyou for being kind. I don't know how to begin healing. It feels like the end Read more… of a 10 year relationship. I had less trouble walking away from an 8 year one.
Thanks LanceH for your response. That sounds terrible but I'm glad people came to their senses. It would be interesting for his parents to hear my side, or anyone else for that matter. But id never shame him like that, even if he has no problem with it. Thankyou for your support. Its a lonely road.
Thankyou. I know you're right. I don't understand how things can deteriorate so quickly. I've never been more humiliated to be hanging in for a man that said he needs me that shut me out completely with not even a promise of a face to face conversation. It is so damaging. I told him one of my Read more… darkest truths about a sexual abuse a week ago and he was so loving, kind, telling me he will never leave me, always protect me. Since, he has raised this in anger using down to the last word, what my abuser said to me.
I need to let go but far out its hard letting go of the man I thought he was.
For so long he'd seemed so understanding, told me how much he loved and cherished me, but he has ptsd and eventually the pain he caused me emotionally overwhelmed him and sent him to a veterans mental health hospital. Since then he's begged for me to stay, but threw our agreement in the bin and said he won't respect any of my boundaries set. I understood this but being gagged for indefinite periods of time was literally on my hard limits. I tried so hard to be there for him but I broke, myself. He left me in the dark. I stayed near his hospital incase he needed me, but his rage at himself, me, causes so many bouts of aggression and he dumped me. Yelled at me and dumped me. I've never been dumped because my fear of rejection is so strong I dump them first. I hung in for him. His family shunned me. He refused to speak and told me I'm useless and he's never coming back. This was due to jealousy. The night he broke and left me in the dark I called my ex. Just as he was a friend before my dom came along and I needed someone to tell me I wasn't useless. I had no one else to speak to but was a mess, bawling on the ground and I felt like I was dying. I've never hated myself so much for my failure.
Now I'm breaking inside. This torment is so immense, I feel so lost and abandoned. He was everything to me. I am not usually a weak woman but I'm drowning. Can anyone offer advice on how I can come out of this? All I crave now is to be tied and to feel safe, told that I'm not nothing. I crave to kneel and not be kicked in the head when I followed our agreement to the t. It was like a Bible to me. Any advice would be much appreciated. This is not like a normal breakup. But its breaking me.
Please don't wait for him. The kindest thing he did for you was to tell you that he can't be what you need. He's right. He can't do it. Not now. And more importantly, you can't fix him. He has to do that for himself. It's the only way it will work. And to really fix himself, he is going to have to be very selfish. This is his journey, not yours. Hanging on will just damage the both of you.
Let him go. Work on healing yourself. Remember that not every relationship is meant to last forever. (Vanilla or Kinky).
It is unfortunate but your ex was carrying emotional baggage, which he struggled to deal with. It is not your responsibility to manage your ex's baggage.
Also you are not responsible for his subsequent actions or treatment of you. Sometimes we turn Read more… inwards when relationships go wrong e.g. I was to blame for his behaviour.
I found itvvery interesting to read that at times your ex was trying to draw you closer and at other times he was pushing you away. For me,it was clear that internally he was struggling to understand what he needs and how he feels.
Please take your time with the healing process. Some may encourage you to get back out there and date, as a way to move on from your ex
I would encourage you to take all the time you need. I hope you find your closure.
Veterans get a terrible deal from the authorities when they leave the forces. I’m a member of a veterans association Read more… and many of my friends have suffered with PTSD. There just isn’t enough support. It’s beyond cruel after they have given so much of themselves.
I often find that increasing my understanding of situations can help me to deal with them. I don’t know if you have researched PTSD, but I wonder if it might help you to understand him better, and if that understanding might subsequently help you to heal?
You’re welcome to DM me if you want. I don’t know that I will be able to help, but I can listen. x