About me
Interested in:
I’m looking for:
- Friends
- LTR (relationship)
- BDSM Lovers
Description
The traits I look for in a Dominant go against the grain of the role. Just as subs need incredible strength, Dominants need gentleness and humility. A top accepts control. A sociopath demands it. A Dominant though? They earn it. The only way a Dom will ever earn power over me is by showing me that he would never demand it.
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Dominance is not a label. It’s a verdict. It's something I feel in my bones, in my breath, in the way my body responds. It draws submission out of me. It never demands it. I'll give up my power because I trust a person with my vulnerability. D/s is intensely intimate, and I won't engage with it until I know you'll hold it gently. Safety, it transpires, is one hell of an aphrodisiac.
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I want a vanilla man: someone who dates me before he considers dominating me; who begins with conversations, not floggers; who gets to know me by talking to me, not fucking me. I want someone who knows people matter, that love matters, that I matter. If I wanted to be ordered around in a role-playing arrangement, I would create an OF and gain an income from it. I don't. I want someone to love who loves me; someone who feels like home; someone who is home.
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I want a man who makes mistakes: The type who’s intimately acquainted with his own weaknesses and who doesn’t see admitting fault as a loss. I want a man who walks beside me, not one who positions himself as though we’re at war. Someone who tells the truth, not because he might get caught in a lie, but because honesty matters to him. It matters because he can't respect himself any other way. No person can evolve without the capacity to be honest with themselves, and no relationship can evolve until the hardest truths are known.
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I write and post on the forums. A lot. When I was new I read and read but nothing really spoke to me. It was all very black and white, theoretical and serious. BDSM is serious stuff but it should also be full of fun and light. It's a romance, not a religion. In the beginning, I spoke with people who told me that this was no different to vanilla dating and it is. It's not the same at all. I needed to read about other peoples experiences, how they felt because, I feel that I might have been able to relate to it. I needed something tangible. I still do.
So I write the things that I'd have liked to have read from my experience so far in the hope others find it useful but also to get the thoughts out of my head and into some sort of logical form. Some will be reflections on my experiences, some will questioning, others will simply be sarcasm, making light of the "lifestyle"
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if you want to know more about me, maybe have a read.
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Writing on Fet though has taught me that everyone reads through their own lens. No matter how hard you polish those glasses, people will apply their own tint to everything they see. Everyone seems to carry their own agenda around with them like a shopping trolley. Then they unpack the contents in everyone else's kitchen because it will be about them no matter what.
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Few people put work into their online reading. They unpack that creaky old trolley with it's wonky wheel before they've even read the first line. I'm certain some of them don't even bother reading the post before disagreeing with it. Quite frankly, I'm quite tired of being manipulated into conversations I never signed up for. I am responsible for what I say, not what you read.
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Please send icecream
Limits
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Pseudo Dom's
Fuckboi's
People who lack awareness or respect re consent
People who lack respect re boundaries/limits
People who are rigid in their thoughts about D/s
Fetish.com gives you…
Many possibilities! There are plenty of ways to meet new kinksters. Check out our free BDSM dating. Still not convinced to meet in person? Take a look at some kinky discussions taking place, right now...
I don't understand? I mean, don't do anything without consent. Basically, discuss with each party their and your expectations and what is and isn't acceptable.
There isn't isn't script?
Precisely. All are valid elephants, the last one though, women have found more independence, men not so much, which is why I think men often value or need/seek out relationships more. After all, without the unpaid labour of women, men find it harder to sustain their careers, have it a little easier Read more… to maintain a social life/leisure activities etc.
Dude, I work with both victims and perpetrators of domestic abuse 🙄
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Its odd isn't it how women who call themselves feminists are accused of being man bashers/man haters.
And yet, when a man kills a women, they're called mentally unwell or a madman rather than a woman hater or misogynist. Read more…
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Women don't need men pretending to protect us by telling us what to do. We need men to stop protecting each other by telling women what to do. (Maybe read this one twice.)
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It's exactly what the patriarchy has been doing to us and other marginalised genders for years.
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If the "safety nets" on the Internet such as Fets message filters or Clares Law were actually effective, what reason can we attribute to the rising statistics of women experiencing abuse at the hands of men?
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Men who have such contempt for women fail to listen to us and that's why it's fruitless in us attempting to educate them. You, yourself have evidenced that countless times. The threads are there to "prove it"
1. I'm guessing you have no experience of encountering the judicial system having experienced sexual assault and that, in doing so, retraumatises them. By telling those who have such experiences to report places the burden of accountability for another's behaviour on them.
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2. Clara's Law Read more… wouldn't need to be a necessity if men (and other genders) behaved appropriately. Additionally, information isn't always disclosed to those requesting it under Clares Law. At times incorrect information is shared providing the individuals a false sense of security. The Police are often at fault for not informing individuals experiencing abuse including controlling/coercive behaviour about Clares Law to enable them to make informed decisions about utilising it. It also only exists in specific areas.
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3. Again, people should not need to adjust their own behaviour for the others in order to keep themselves safe. Instead of harping on about what people ("namely women") should do, why not focus on challenging the poor behaviour of others? Because "you have to realise" that's the only way to address the situation and, in order to bring it back to the OP, that's exactly what the OP has attempted to do only for others to "bash" them for doing so.
It was the penultimate sentence that I responded to.
There are over 500 species within the order of primates. I'd like to think that you wouldn't have chosen to use the words "in the primates studies and many other animals out there" if you meant humans alone.
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It doesn't need to be mentioned at all primarily because it's not factual. I'm unsure Read more… what studies you've been reading on primates, but having worked with a various species within the sub orders or prosimians, monkeys and apes for 6+yrs I never saw one kneel out of deference or any other behaviour come to that. Perhaps you could cite some of them for me, I'd love to read them 👍
I mean, managing aside, I want to know which of the primates other than humans kneel...🤔😂
The thing is, these types of D's are an ever present constant.
Trying to educate is a pointless task. I used to try and, drom time to time, i may still make a comment on a thread like this. But, you can't talk predatory behaviours out of abusers. It isn't ignorance, it's contempt.
It's not our job Read more… to educate them, it's theirs as adults to learn about appropriate interactions with others. Information, after all is reasily available on the Internet of its sought out. These types of people do not have that desire because it serves them no purpose.
It does. As above, it's helpful to understand other people's perspectives/opinions. It's how we learn and grow as humans. We do it in all walks of life, so why not here?
If you aren't seeking out other people's thoughts then you aren't open to discussion/debate and will never further yourself.
Not really, Gemini and I are both subs. While we agree on a vast amount point's when discussing D/s relationships, we're both looking for something different within a relationship.
OP asked for the opinions on subs as to what a Dom means to them. They're asking for various perspectives, I'm Read more… guessing, in order to further their knowledge. Frankly, I don't see an issue with that.
I've previously asked in the forums for Doms to share their experiences, and it makes me no less a submissive.