The idea of confidence is the wrong word was brought up and I'd really like to point this out. "Determined enthusiasm". What is confidence but enthusiasm that is also determined to "get r done". I struggle with showing confidence in my domme side, but when I know what my goal is, and I understand Read more… the steps to get to that goal putting fun into it makes it look very confident.

We have considered maybe I just can't do it, but I've shown enough potential and I really want to do this for him. I just need to figure out how to put me in it

I do get what your trying to say here. And maybe that is an option to start working towards, but this is part of my problem. That is a scenario that's out of my comfort zone. I'm not unwilling to, in fact I have had fantasies where to do things like that for him. But when I put it into practice I Read more… get self conscious and I don't dominate very well.

We did discuss this a couple times. There are two problems, 1 it would be so long in-between so many times that when I pulled him out he probably wouldn't even be able to get hard anymore because I can go a couple months and not want anything. 2 what he needs is a more emotional connection, if all Read more… I do is lock him up and ignore him he still doesn't get what he needs and things just get worse.

If all you do is take from a relationship is it really a relationship? He's not forcing me to do anything, he's not manipulating me, he's telling me what he needs to have a full filling life. Yes it is difficult for me, but that's why I asked for help. Most of the rules we have set down are because Read more… of me.

I also don't think I've said how much this man has taken care of me. Every time I wanted sex he gave it to me, every time I had a mental breakdown he held me while I cried, then did everything he could to help make it better. Honestly if anyone should have left it should have been him. He has taken Read more… care of me like I was his most precious child(in a good way) and received lies and manipulation in return. Every person has their own perspective, I've tried to give you mine, but I'm also trying to show you what I know of his. Please no more comments telling me to divorce him, I get enough of that irl from family and friends that cannot possibly understand what we are going through.

Thank you all for wanting my well being. I have a hard time completely expressing myself but here's trying. I will try to answer some of your questions but there's too much to quote. No it is not what I want or like necessary but I love him, I want him to be happy and I want him to feel loved and Read more… taken care of. For a long time he has tried to get rid of it. He has fought himself, but because I didn't show him love in other ways it just drove him further into it. Yes logically he could find someone else. In fact we have discussed it many times, he has even talked to the online community a bit and almost just done it a couple times. Our religious and moral beliefs are holding us back. Just recently I told him a hard limit was someone else in the bedroom. That's with or without me. I'm sure that makes him feel stuck. Last night he said I was like a toddler with a toy, I don't want to share, but I don't take care of him either, just pull him out every now and then to play with. I honestly agree with that statement. I don't want to share, but I do want to learn how to care for him, even if it's something I don't enjoy. For a long time I have not taken on the responsibility of my actions. I'm trying to now, but I'm not fully sure how. That's why I need help

We have talked extensively. I understand clearly why he wants/needs this, it doesn't help me enjoy it any better. He also knows me better than I know myself. Communication has been a problem, but it's one that I think is being fixed very quickly. It's funny how when you have everything to loose you Read more… don't hold back anymore.
I have found a couple things I enjoy, but it's those nitty gritty details, and the boring times in-between the fun things that trip me up. I guess if I could stop it from being boring it could help, but we have other things that need to be done that don't involve our bedroom lives at all. Sometimes it's hard to mix bedroom and life.

Understandable, I did see a counselor for a while but he just seemed to blame everything on my husband and didn't really help anything. We also don't have the *** to spend.

Thank you for pointing this out. I am a newly dominate. Or at least I'm trying to be what my husband needs.

I have to admit I'm disgusted by many of these comments. Like you I am more of a submissive. My husband and I have spent a lot of time and energy turning me into his sub. But underneath he has always wanted to switch. We have fought with this for 15 years. If you honestly don't care about him then Read more… yes it's an easy decision as so many have put it, however if you truly care about your husband, if you are committed to each other then you should consider what he's asking. Try it once, it might surprise you. Or it could take years of fighting. The real question is do you love him enough to care for his needs too?

I guess I'm a little confused. How do you get their guard down? Also what advice would you have for a woman that being dominate isn't natural to?