Am I a bad sub?

[CopperKnob]

Ironically, you're the opposite. You stood by your feelings and en***d your own boundaries. It's that which will keep you safe and it's that which a lot of people could learn from.
You decide whether you want to stay on Fet or not. Don't let others dictate what you do (unless consensually, of course)

[Deleted Member]

He had no right to call you that when 1. He doesn't know you and 2. He hasn't had permission to call you that (if it's something you want).
I've also had many experiences like this and my simple response is to block them.
Trust, communication and connection should always be established in any dynamic before any 'names' are implemented. I'm sorry this happened to you. My advice is to block anyone who treats you like this and to build trust with someone before they have any kind of permission to explore those boundaries with you x

[Do****]

First, I'm sorry you had that happen. Second, there are as many types of Doms out there as there are grains of sand on a beach. Unfortunately, several are like THAT, and they're also the first to tell you (whether you're a Dom or a sub) that you're not doing it the "right way" if they don't like your response. Understand that's not ALL Doms out there, and those types are typically not able to maintain any sort of dynamic long term. Most subs just won't take that... and these Doms can't handle rejection like that.

In short? Don't worry TOO much about him. He is in the minority... most Doms take their time to get to know you, learn your kinks and limits, and set up safeguards and other safeguards PRIOR to anything other than chatting.

[sh****]

I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. You are not a bad submissive. There is no such thing as "a real sub" - everyone is different and not everyone will be a good fit for everyone else. That is no excuse for the Dom to treat you poorly, and you were right to defend your boundaries. I hope you have not wasted a lot of time on that connection and can find someone new to explore with soon.

[my****]

The real answer is there’s no way to know without talking to you for a while. Also without hearing the bratty thing you said we’ll never know for sure. I mean your version of a playful bratty response could be “I’ll never submit to you, you small pricked loser.” I doubt very much that it was but siding with you with only one side of the conversation is pretty much only going to be a dinner bell for white knighting.

I’d bet you’re a perfectly nice person and you certainly belong where you want to be. There are a lot of fake Doms looking for whatever they can get on this site, but there are also subs who I couldn’t even classify as bedroom subs as well. You’ll have to go off what you believe in your heart until you have someone you trust who tells you how good or bad you really are.

[Th****]

You can't stress out with anybody thinks. Everybody's going to think what they want regardless. All of us here are basically degenerates of some type lol. Just because we all have different fetishes does it mean that we're any better or any worse than anybody else. On top of that sounds to me like maybe he shouldn't be in here because he's not in the right mindset to start with. And if you want to chat with somebody I'm more than happy to do that. Don't let it get to you. I'm still looking for my weird fetish connection myself LOL. If it happens it happens if not I've went this long anyway. The other comments are right. Block them because that's what I would do. We all come on here to communicate with each other and make friends with people that are similar to us. If they don't like it they can go

[al****]

Every dyanamic is different, but for me I always start with expectations and a lot of communication. There are those on both sides that try and move too fast, which to me is a flag.

You mention you don't want to be degraded, if that is a hard limit than that comes up in communication and it shouldn't be part of the dynamic.

There is no real sub, you are all beautiful to me in your own and unique way and towing the line on boundaries you set for that unique experience is what makes me get up in the morning.

Don't stress it, plenty of Doms and hopefully you learn a little to make the next experience better for you.

[Ch****]

Heck I get told I'm 'not a real submissive' because I have a few unusual hard limits, I get told I shouldn't be on here because I'm not looking for sex. Ignore him and anyone who says you arnt real at anything, everyone is a different sub/dom whatever, he crossed a line degrading you, and stating he wont do it if you are good, that's a red flag right there, you dodged a bullet. If someone says you arnt real then it actually boils down to 'not compatible', some people need to learn the difference x x

[al****]

I'd need specific information to determine 'bad sub', but if you have brat and no *** in your profile, then he's the fake. At best, you dodged a bullet.

Questioning your own qualities from one interaction is not healthy. My magic number is 5. If 5 ladies tell me something similar, then I step back and evaluate if my approach is the issue or an issue with my personality/beliefs. Self reflection is good when supporting evidence is available. To much, and you lose perspective on your core values.

[Th****]

He wasn’t a real dom.
Be careful

[Deleted Member]

Leave asap. Doms respect when needed

[ShyTeddy]

it’s a lot guys and n here that just want sex an no real connection i thought i dom/ sub relationship was about trust

[mi****]

I agree with @ShyTeddy that's why it was important to say spooky did nothing wrong I mean if it was me I say the same thing cuz why be degrade when there is no need

[Tu****]

7 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

Another wannabe Dom who doesn’t know what he’s doing. No need for you to put up with that.

Well said.

[ShyTeddy]

by me not ever having a dom an waiting to experience new things this site scares me … you did nothing he just wasn’t the person for you

[Tu****]

9 minutes ago, ShyTeddy said:

it’s a lot guys and n here that just want sex an no real connection i thought i dom/ sub relationship was about trust

Yes, they think of this site like a place to hook up that’s all.

[mi****]

And @ThatBratRiss is right being a dom is one thing but being a jerk is another if I was Spooky 's dom I give her respect now if she and I was roughhousing or having a competitive streak going that is different but leave it where it's at there is no way to treat a lady no way to treat anyone be a friend first and if you want to dom fine but do it with respect and dignity she deserves I mean we are all here in the world let's just be kinder to one and another

[al****]

When you have to search through hundreds of fuxboys to find a real dom I can see why subs are so reluctant to engage after so many failures.

[mi****]

@Tupi I never thought that friends yes a partner for my kink great but hook up I'm sorry but I find that sad I have seen people wanting to pay just for a bit of no respect at all sadly

[mi****]

@alpha420fet in one way is right I mean this reminds me of my old high school and it's like this girl was bullied and there must be better people out there in the world

[Sh****]

definitely not. no one should be expected to act in any sexual manner that doesnt suit them. you had a limit and he crossed it, thats a big bad.
if anything, you were not only an amazing sub but an amazing person for just speaking up when you were uncomfy!

[ar****]

That’s not on you, everything here should be consensual and everybody has different wants and needs.
To say „you are not a real Sub because you don’t do XY“ is in most cases a poor representation of the Dom as an egomaniac who thinks everything should just revolve around HIS wants and needs.
Especially looking at your profile as it is the only „theme“ you don’t like, it does not invalidate your remaining wants in being submissive.
If your profile would be reversed and you ONLY want to be insulted, I’d second that stupid sentence (and in that case urge you to see a psychiatrist), but the way it is you don’t have to worry about it.

I’m guessing, would his first response instead of „you Bitch“ or whatever he wrote, have been something to the effect of „you little brat, I’ll remember that“ you’d have been absolutely fine with it, wouldn’t you?

[Ma****]

He sounds like a child, there is someone for everyone..he should not have crossed your boundaries

[RyanGlen]

That's terrible, I'm sorry that happened to you. As any proper dom would know that's not a Dom/Sub dynamic, unless it was discussed before hand. Like iv called girls that and alot worse, but there was a conversation beforehand.

I don't know if this site has a report function but you should look into that.
And please remember that not all Doms are like him. he sounds like a controller.

[mi****]

@Lavenderlover very well said