In need of advice

[Deleted Member]

Hello my fellow Kinksters!
I am in a FWB relationship with my ex. I would say that we are the worst FWB’s out there because we both love each other and want to be in each other’s lives all the time. I stay at her house 5x a week and go out of town with her every weekend. Sounds great right? Well it’s not. I want more. I’m exclusive to her, but she doesn’t claim exclusivity to me. That’s her right, but it kills me. She told me that she just wants to enjoy the time we spend together and that we will see where things go. I can’t do that though. My feelings are waaaay to strong and completely valid because she is an amazing person and I want to provide her everything in the world any time no matter what. I elected to be her FWB to stay near her and show her what she means to me.
She knows what I want. She agrees that she would like to get married and stop fiddling around with this FWB stuff, but she cant. She is stuck messaging her ex-dom. Unsure if they spend any time together, but the guy is 20 years older than her and told her point blank he wants nothing to do with her outside of being a dom to her. She eats this shit up like candy and it drives me mad.

I not only love her, but love her daughter and accept her as my own. Her daughter accepts this and told her mom that she wants me around all the time because I’m kind to her.

I’m debating ending things with her because my heart cannot handle this stress.(am I crazy for this?)

Anyone with any experience with this please reach out. Love is ***, but it shouldn’t be constant *** like this. Feel free to comment on here.

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately she will never be yours, and even if it happens would the trust be there?
Not saying this to hurt, just speaking from experience.

[yourSuperiorDad]

You're not crazy, end this up right now. The more you stay with her the more she will see you as a side piece. For your own sake, stop seeing her right now, my man. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to drop me a message.

[al****]

Mate, I am in an extremely similar situation, apart from the *** part and the fact that I do see and play with other girls, and she knows it. Guess what? That’s what makes her want me more!! There’s a reason why she still talks to her ex-Dom, find out more, be that man for her, sometimes (sadly or not) love is not enough.
If you want her for the long run take time to understand her needs. Talk to her, maybe she want to be poly and you are not Ok with that at least you have a baseline.

Take it easy

[Deleted Member]

This is not a friends with benefits. Your are in her kids life and basically living at her house. You are doing everything for her while she she does what ever she wants. She has made it clear how she feels but at the same time is way over stepping what a friends with benefit is. Personally, I would walk away from this and heal and move on because I’m sorry to say it sounds a mess and like you are being used.

[WLondonGirl]

I'm in agreement with Allx. 

Your girl is getting a service from the dom that you cannot provide.  From your profile you are submissive and it's difficult to act in a believably dommish way. Think of it like he's her therapist. Encourage her to get her therapy.  If you remove her guilt and your jealousy I think she will love you all the more. It will be difficult but it is worth a go. 

Most of us cannot be everything to someone. 

[al****]

I see a lot of comments here blaming the girl. Maybe I am a tad subjective yet it’s hard for me to understand why.
Facts: there’s no certainty she actually is seeing her ex-Dom (or anyone), he (the OP) is the one staying at her’s, the one wanting more and most important the one choosing this. What does she want?
Communication, don’t throw everything out of the window without putting a little time to properly talk to her. IMHO

[Ve****]

This certainly does not sound like an F+. She has made it clear what she wants and what she does not want. Your apparently obsessive attitude does not allow you to not accept her choices. The worst part is that a child has been placed in between. Walk away, it's the best for the kid

[an****]

Personally this isn’t a FWB sounding friendship to me. You’re there sleeping 5 days a week and taking her places every week end. Thats 7 days of each other. You met her daughter, accept her daughter as her own. You only want to be with her and that’s all while she is free to do her own thing. My opinion is cut her loose and walk away. Sure that is easier said than done because the feelings you have for her but like any relationship it needs to stop cold turkey. No seeing her, talking or texting her so you can heel and focus on you.

[42****]

Run away while you still can

[Tylerr30]

Yeah dude you sound jus like me when I tried this with my ex wife. It just gets worse bro, I'm telling you. It was the best thing I ever did, I don't feel like how your feeling anymore and it's great it feels so freeing. For me it took something so totally disrespectful that I jus could not allow it and it was like a switch had flipped. You should really consider finding an exit plan brother

[la****]

Run the other way and take care of yourself

[Deleted Member]

This sounds very toxic and like she is not remotely taking your feelings and needs on board. It’ll only hurt more for you the longer it continues.

[Ne****]

6 hours ago, allx said:

I see a lot of comments here blaming the girl. Maybe I am a tad subjective yet it’s hard for me to understand why.
Facts: there’s no certainty she actually is seeing her ex-Dom (or anyone), he (the OP) is the one staying at her’s, the one wanting more and most important the one choosing this. What does she want?
Communication, don’t throw everything out of the window without putting a little time to properly talk to her. IMHO

Not to cast shadow on OP’s character either, but, we as the readers of this one-sided perspective don’t know what has transpired between OP and The Woman (respectfully) nor what The Woman’s experience and perspective might be for Her.

I agree with each person involved openly, calmly communicating their respective needs and also finding out more directly from ‘partner’ what is being fulfilled by others in their lives and, ultimately more importantly, the existing roles / fulfillments being provided by the other and what is lacking there. Third party professional assistance and perspective can also be eye-opening and wonderfully helpful. (beyond message boards though it’s wonderful that OP is reaching out at all.)

[di****]

I just recently broke off with a similar situation. Unfortunately the cirrect advice is the advice everyone is telling you that you wont and dont want to hear. Walk away. What is meant for you will always be yours (be that her or someone else) and you wont he able to screw it up. But she is devaluing your needs and feelings and so are you by allowing this to continue. Im not saying walking away is easy or feels good, but when you walk away the *** is guaranteed to come to an end eventually, if you stay you will be stuck in the *** of purgatory forever. Set your soul free and if she is meant to be, she will come around in her own time in your absence, and if its not her then you are blocking who meant to be in your life from entering by keeping her around.

[Ne****]

7 minutes ago, dirtyboyslut6968 said:

I just recently broke off with a similar situation. Unfortunately the cirrect advice is the advice everyone is telling you that you wont and dont want to hear. Walk away. What is meant for you will always be yours (be that her or someone else) and you wont he able to screw it up. But she is devaluing your needs and feelings and so are you by allowing this to continue. Im not saying walking away is easy or feels good, but when you walk away the *** is guaranteed to come to an end eventually, if you stay you will be stuck in the *** of purgatory forever. Set your soul free and if she is meant to be, she will come around in her own time in your absence, and if its not her then you are blocking who meant to be in your life from entering by keeping her around.

You can’t say that any of that IS what is happening for OP.. and if someone isn’t meeting your needs AND you’ve communicated this to and with Them and are then at an impasse, then it would be time to leave that entanglement.

[ey****]

you need to accept she isn't going to give you what you want. 

[sw****]

Nahhh man you need to break off whatever you got going on, if she’s not willing to commit she’s making you to be a little mug running around after her, my ex tried this. It’s not acceptable, you say she has a dom, she wants a man with a backbone! Be that man and tell her to do one, over time you will surprised how they come running back willing to commit. And if she doesn’t then she’s not meant for you, don’t get mugged off my dude.

[sw****]

1 minute ago, sw1992 said:

Nahhh man you need to break off whatever you got going on, if she’s not willing to commit she’s making you to be a little mug running around after her, my ex tried this. It’s not acceptable, you say she has a dom, she wants a man with a backbone! Be that man and tell her to do one, over time you will surprised how they come running back willing to commit. And if she doesn’t then she’s not meant for you, don’t get mugged off my dude.

I get from your profile your more of a sub but in this instance you need to man up and deal with your woman

[Deleted Member]

Oh hunnie, you should just break it off with her. She's not willing to commit 100% to you, even when her daughter is telling her that she likes having you around. You have the chance to be happy with someone else. I understand that it's hard, that you love her and you're in love with her, but you have to live your life and not let her dictate it for you. You said it yourself that she's your ex and if she doesn't want to get rid of you, she'll never get rid of him.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for all of the advice and kind words everyone! I did end things today. I told her that I cannot and will not be anything with her and her dom.

She asked me if I was breaking up with her. I told her we weren’t even together. There’s nothing to break up.

Back to the world of the solo. Gotta find a love for myself now.

[Ne****]

1 hour ago, BluEyedDadBod said:

Thank you for all of the advice and kind words everyone! I did end things today. I told her that I cannot and will not be anything with her and her dom.

She asked me if I was breaking up with her. I told her we weren’t even together. There’s nothing to break up.

Back to the world of the solo. Gotta find a love for myself now.

I wish you well 💜

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, NexumSange said:

I wish you well 💜

Thank you! 💜

[yo****]

Go hunting get another one. She’ll come back.😈😎

[sw****]

“Breaking up”, she sees it as an open relationship, you did the right thing. Now the hard part is to keep yourself occupied or you will be messaging her and folding. Word of advice, don’t fold.