sub in therapy

[lo****]

Well, BDSM is usually done with someone you have a foundation with. There is some caution to be taken (ie things that you know might trigger) but a good Dom will notice and be aware of you and your reactions feelings. Also they will help you through getting triggered with care. So you can proceed. Just caution and communication.

[Deleted Member]

Yes yes

[Ro****]

With trauma, PTSD, C-PTSD, and known triggers, you need to figure out what is best for you. Everyone is different and has slightly different actions and reactions. That also goes for doms. They key is finding the right supportive Dom that has the compatibility and understanding that you will need. I am also a sub with all of that. It has taken me years to find the right person(s). I am now 10 years into this journey.

My advice:
Take your time finding the right opposing but complimentary side of your slash.

In the meantime, make the most of your therapy. Take charge of your healing and journey. Most of all, listen to yourself if there is ever a doubt or reluctance to interact with a potential Dom. Even if you're not able to figure out or pinpoint why.
Most of all, learn to be aware of your instinct buried under that desire to be a sub. If respected, your intuition will only get better.

If you do think you have a potential Dom interested.

Warn them of potential triggers. And/ or ask them if they'd be willing to explore potential triggers. The right one would be willing and will ask the right questions.

Also, be aware that some are not doing this for your best interest but their own. Unfortunately, those can be harder to decipher from the rest sometimes. Be careful with yourself in both physical and emotional health. Prioritize YOUR well being.

With all that said, I have actually found empowerment in being a sub in control of when a scene can end. I found the safe place to just be as I am, knowing I have a say and trust that I'll be heard/seen if they find even the slightest indication that something is not OK. There's power in that. A healing power.

Blessed be on your journey to self discovery

[fr****]

Yesterday at 01:31 PM, RogueLynx said:

With trauma, PTSD, C-PTSD, and known triggers, you need to figure out what is best for you. Everyone is different and has slightly different actions and reactions. That also goes for doms. They key is finding the right supportive Dom that has the compatibility and understanding that you will need. I am also a sub with all of that. It has taken me years to find the right person(s). I am now 10 years into this journey.

My advice:
Take your time finding the right opposing but complimentary side of your slash.

In the meantime, make the most of your therapy. Take charge of your healing and journey. Most of all, listen to yourself if there is ever a doubt or reluctance to interact with a potential Dom. Even if you're not able to figure out or pinpoint why.
Most of all, learn to be aware of your instinct buried under that desire to be a sub. If respected, your intuition will only get better.

If you do think you have a potential Dom interested.

Warn them of potential triggers. And/ or ask them if they'd be willing to explore potential triggers. The right one would be willing and will ask the right questions.

Also, be aware that some are not doing this for your best interest but their own. Unfortunately, those can be harder to decipher from the rest sometimes. Be careful with yourself in both physical and emotional health. Prioritize YOUR well being.

With all that said, I have actually found empowerment in being a sub in control of when a scene can end. I found the safe place to just be as I am, knowing I have a say and trust that I'll be heard/seen if they find even the slightest indication that something is not OK. There's power in that. A healing power.

Blessed be on your journey to self discovery

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your experience. I really appreciate it. I’m extremely careful with with who I even decide to meet up with.

[Ji****]

Trust tour gut, then committ, then gameplan!

[Deleted Member]

From the conversation, it sounds like you have PTSD forms unrelated to kink. In that case, if it helps you, then it helps you.


It is important to approach this from the position that you will naturally gravitate toward your "healing driver" whether this be a sense of physical pleasure/***, psychological stability/variety, emotional peace/turmoil, etc. There is no single correct way to approach this, but there is one global "right" way which is "Do what works for you." If BDSM dynamics give your libido the push it needs, and nobody else is (unwillingly and/or outside of contract) harmed in the doing, then see your changing tastes as a personal evolution. This is precisely the reason psychology is an -ology: it is by its nature abstract, model-based, and not based in any mappable physical / nature-based connection within.

*What works, works." Discard all else and surrender to that acceptance of self as you are.

[Fa****]

Honestly, from my experience as a dom, ptsd can be ok with the life style, but you need to find a dom who can recognize when you are triggered and put you into safe space without having to rely on safe words. But it does vary from person to person

[sp****]

I have ptsd and anxiety disorder. I seek to been what I am naturally. A sub. I have a wonderful alpha male. Open communication. Look for your core values? Do they align. Not all Doms are different. Good luck on your journey!!

[st****]

I think it's something you can explore but requires extra attention to trust and comfort with your partner. I've tried rushing it, I've tried taking it slow. But I haven't found a partner I really connect with on an emotional level and that has hindered my ability to get satisfaction from play. I have C-PTSD from childhood and PTSD related to kink. It is taking a lot of honesty with myself and learning what I need vs what I want.

[Dy****]

From the start of BDSM, people with PTSD have used it as a way to re-explore the experience and trauma. Commonly, you'll hear the term CBT used in BDSM. It refers to Cognitive Behaivor Therapy, and is a form of therapy meant to do exactly that, re-explore the experience and trauma. The intent is to re-wire the traumatized brain from re-living the experience, to create new sensations, and in part, new feelings around the experience.

For example, many sexual *** victims have used Consensual-Nonconsent scenes to re-wire their brain around the prior negative feelings they experienced from their previous trauma. While it doesn't erase the past, having new experiences that touch those trauma feelings can help conquer some of the doom and gloom that PTSD lingers with.

This has been applied to many types of fetishes, so the options are near limitless. Finding a Dominant that has experience with this type of scene is certainly helpful, but not required.

If you have a partner who is giving and cares about you, exploring what you feel, and how you came to feel it, first through words, and then writing out what those experiences felt like, you can start having conversations about what you can explore to make attempts at tackling some of your PTSD symptoms.

[fr****]

I really appreciate everyone who has read and commented, I am talking about the options in therapy, and how to navigate. I’d love to find a partner and Master that I could trust enough with this. It’s not going to be easy, but it wasn’t easy to begin with either way. I thank you all for giving me ideas that I’ll explore in the future.

[fr****]

January 22, pauld999 said:

Is Bdsm the reason your needing help, if yes then stop it whilst seeking help. If its not, does it help with your ptsd.

It’s not kink/fetish related at all, but I am taking the time with my psychologist seriously and work hard on myself. In my case BDSM, helps me with my PTSD.

[fr****]

January 22, Novelnorth86 said:

Hello! I think what you’re going through is happens often enough and I’m hoping the right people see your post and have feedback.

I know for me, when I started therapy and was working through some trauma and triggers, I had a system that a lot of people use in panic and anxiety attack situations. I focus on 3 things in a see, two things I can hear, one thing I can touch. In my experience, it was a lot of trial and error, just going through new situations and coming out the other side “ok” until I realized that not everything will turn into that trauma.

I can see where changing the out come would be helpful. I wish you the best of luck and hope you find something helpful so you can feel your absolute best. Always available to listen if you need.

Thank you so much for responding, I really appreciate it!

[Mi****]

I'd also say if it was a bad Dom or an inexperienced Dom that had traumatized you that you should also wait until you have found a Dom that you can trust and has a least a good bit of experience before hopping back in to it

[fr****]

January 22, pauld999 said:

Is Bdsm the reason your needing help, if yes then stop it whilst seeking help. If its not, does it help with your ptsd.

It’s not the reason for my PTSD at all. I am in trauma therapy for almost a year now. It’s helping me greatly. I talk about my sexuality and we’ve made sure they are not connected in any sort of way. It helped me so much understanding myself and gave me the confidence to continue to delve deeper in BDSM. I found my freedom in it. I also have a Master who is very understanding, and it’s helping me a great deal, having tasks, routines and boundaries, fun and playfulness brings me so much joy.