Se**** Posted January 30 How do I need to do to stop giving myself self depriving comments? As a gay man, I have been given every negative comment about my appearance, intelligence, and how useful I am, and they remained consistent amongst many that I have talked to or at least attempted to talk to. From being too hairy or my body type, etc for my appearance. Use my intelligence until they don’t need me anymore. All of this making me feel like. I’m no more than a robot or less than human object, even a useful tool, to be used and discarded. The ‘positive’ comments I had received were from men that only said them to ‘make me feel better’ or so they could get what they needed at the time but never actually meant what they said (their own admission) which was only worse then being honest how they thought. This has gone on for years to the point that ‘it makes sense to me’. How do I get out of this cycle?
dr**** Posted January 30 Pretty much the same way you quit anything you you just simply stop you don't want to drink you stop you don't want to smoke you stop you either do what you don't there's no in between on that issue
Al**** Posted January 30 Love yourself. Know that you have that value! Then when others disagree, it's just that, and move on. No one is the "perfect type" for everyone. Find the people who are into hairy, who need your mind for a good connection, and let everyone else be opinionated from over there. Be confident in yourself it is attractive.
XAriesaelax Posted January 30 You come to learn you are your own worst enemy, people can tell you all this negative shit, just to beat you down. It's kinda up to you to brush it off and not let it get to you, don't give anyone that power/satisfaction, at the end of the day how you view yourself is the only thing that matters. If someone doesn't like you. Fuck them.
da**** Posted January 30 So from a psychological standpoint it seems that you potentially seek out individuals most likely due to trauma in the past that will give you the negative attention that you are seeking and unfortunately if it’s a pattern of multiple experiences like this then I’d say it’s most likely something you don’t realize it’s happening and therapy is a good start to loving yourself
be**** Posted January 30 Idk what ur experiences were like for most of it but I agree with dale get therapy it truly helps I was once a person that couldn't see or say a single good thing about me being alive and existing through a long and windy road I've gotten so much better at loving me for me and it's actually allowed me to connect with people In a meaningfull way sure some ppl still treat me like crap they think I'm weird waste of space etc but f em thier mad they aren't able to be happy with themselves so need to lash out at others to make em feel bigger try ur best to just muster the strength to take a step towards bettering ur life
XAriesaelax Posted January 30 4 minutes ago, bedwetter said: Idk what ur experiences were like for most of it but I agree with dale get therapy it truly helps I was once a person that couldn't see or say a single good thing about me being alive and existing through a long and windy road I've gotten so much better at loving me for me and it's actually allowed me to connect with people In a meaningfull way sure some ppl still treat me like crap they think I'm weird waste of space etc but f em thier mad they aren't able to be happy with themselves so need to lash out at others to make em feel bigger try ur best to just muster the strength to take a step towards bettering ur life Yeah that's peoples biggest issue, they need to bring others down just to make themselves feel better whilst not caring about the impact it'll have on the other person.
da**** Posted January 30 Read: The four agreements It may help you live a life of joy and happiness and will put things into a different perspective. Be impeccable with your word Don't take things personally Don't make assumptions Always do your best
da**** Posted January 30 10 minutes ago, XAriesaelax said: Yeah that's peoples biggest issue, they need to bring others down just to make themselves feel better whilst not caring about the impact it'll have on the other person. I’m weird I like that feeling of being a piece of meat and the shame afterwards but that’s my trauma and while therapy never helped me because it was to easy to avoid the deep issues I’m lucky right now that I have an owner who makes me feel good about myself even when I’m not able to do it mentally myself
la**** Posted January 30 You're never any less of a human due to mistreatment from others.. the only way out of the cycle, is through. I know it sounds counterproductive, but you've got to catch your negative thoughts right in their tracks and replace them with the opposite of what you're thinking. For example, you're looking in the mirror and think to yourself "I'm ugly" CHALLENGE that thought!! Look back at yourself and say "NO, I am *positive affirmation*" Not everything we feel nor think about ourselves is true. It's often the product of some external stimuli that affects the way we view ourselves and we internalize that. It's an exhausting and long process, but it wields results. Things like this aren't linear and will feel silly and be messy at first but trust, with time, you'll look back and see just how much the way you talk to yourself has changed. Sincerely, someone who still finds herself in the cycle after years of internal work 🤍
Ke**** Posted January 30 You need to get genuine conscent. Make it clear that honesty is a cornerstone requirement. You must get that from someone, before spending too much time with them. Explain how your past was ruined by dishonesty and most people will either lead with their honesty or make excuses to leave. A few will still try to use you, but that will be a much lower percent.
mo**** Posted January 30 Read "the Courage to be Disliked"-it was life changing for me. More than that, try to address the negative thoughts when you have them directly. Identify something as self degrading, then counter it. My own example, "You are only as valuable as you are useful for someone else. You have no inherent self worth." Rebuttal, "this is not true-all people have inherent worth as individuals, apart from what they do for others." Affirmation, "I have value because I am a person, and I should care for myself as I would someone else. My existence is intrinsically valuable, and I only want to help others because it brings me joy, not worth." It's a lot of work. But you can do it. Start breaking those negative pathways in your thoughts down, and tread a new path. It's not easy, but it is good.
qu**** Posted January 30 You need to be happy with yourself first then you set standards for what you will & will not accept.
sh**** Posted January 30 This is the first step. You're realizing this is a problem and you want something different. You don't understand how enormous that is. You have the strength to overcome, even if you don't feel it yet. I'm with team therapy. There's a lot to unpack, perhaps too much to do by yourself.
Va**** Posted January 30 I’ve been watching a lot of videos by the Diary of a CEO. He talks to people from all walks of life. Many will give insight on how to love yourself.
Puppy-K Posted January 30 I feel this deeply from being in relationships with extremely narcissistic people. My advice dont let what others say to you define who you are if they are just going to be negative and don't make room for those kinds of people in your life, they do not deserve the reservation of your time or day. Keep being you and staying true to yourself and keep your head held high. The right person will come along that deserves your respect, love, care and compassion and you will know when they do.
Mi**** Posted January 31 I’m pretty negative about myself too. I try not to, and try to think on the bright side. Just be you. That’s all you really need. Be who you are and not what others what you to be, and try to think on the bright side. If others give you negative energy and negativity in general, just say ‘f**k em’. Those other people are most likely just as bad as well. There are always people here to help you, and to listen to your troubles. So I hope you feel better about yourself soon, and don’t let those f**kers and their thoughts put them down. Hope this helps you 💜
sh**** Posted January 31 Sadly, the only answer I know of for this is Practice. Practice gratitude for a few things every day. Find something to be positive about, and it will gradually get easier to see the positive and ignore the negative. Negativity is natural, but that doesn't mean you have to allow it to win.
Deleted Member Posted February 12 I have an objective take. Everytime you catch yourself in the mirror— look yourself in the eyes (pretty scary, I know,) and tell yourself how great you are. All of the things.. even if you don’t believe them; act as if you are trying desperately to convince someone you love, about what you see in them.. but instead, to yourself. Now, this is way easier said than done because u need to be consistent. My father taught me this. I hope it helps you as it has evaluated not only my in-look about myself, but my entire aura changed and continues to elevate as I see fit. Take care gorgeous.
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