New Dom. Seeking Advice

[Wi****]

12 hours ago, nikki85069 said:

Some people are just not fully aware of what being a sub is like

Unfortunately, some are not fully aware of what being a Dom is like or even what it's supposed to be like.

[Wi****]

That's page 1 rule 1 in the Dom handbook. Lol

[No****]

I love outfit doms and im not married. Ha. But that also depends…because does it cost them *** regularly to buy what u want? That comes to mind because i find its expensive to try and fit what the guy likes sometimes. But i think in your case married i mega issue cause they wont bust themselves out by their husband that can be layers of life dynamics. So you have to respect where they are wearing the outfits for you

[he****]

I would kindly ask the husband why his wife isn't respecting my boundaries. Keeping him unaware will only lead to being confused and used later.

Speaking from experience, if you make your presence known when you see him clap your hands real loud and if he responds with a smile, you’ll know he’s on board with tapping his wife. Good luck!


 

[Re****]

They were Not True Subs! True Subs/Slaves never argue with their Master! Subs, don’t have a rights as per Masters, however each Master is different! I am a collared, owned and contracted sub/slave/slut. What my master says goes-if I argue I get punished! I have a separate life too but I have to keep in contact with my Master in the course of the day. I have to ask permission from my Master if I can go somewhere and give him the location. He controls my Life! My Master is my top priority above anyone else.

[Ke****]

Your relationships should be based on honesty. Having a D/s dynamic with someone whose marriage partner does not know about your D/s relationship will likely be unsatisfying and you really can't feel good about helping someone cheat on their life partner.

Try finding D/s play partners on Fetlife, using the Event feature. Go to social events, meet people, especially ENM folk and get vetted and go to BDSM parties.

[Ty****]

I don't think that a text everyday is overwhelming or that difficult to do.

[kinkymasterandrew]

Yesterday at 05:28 AM, LetsTalk69 said:

Thanks, everyone, for the continued likes and for confirmation of what I guess I already knew. So, with that being said, my question now is, should I only look for connections where they are not in a relationship? If they are but feel that he is dominant enough, how do I approach that, or do I not even get involved?

The fewer people the less chance of conflict. So sticking to single people is easiest. But a person with a consenting partner who is either involved or not is still a viable option. It depends who is out there that suits you, maybe you can find someone single or maybe not. It's your call. For me, I prefer single people because it is so much easier.

[Deleted Member]

Well the husbands not being aware was certainly a part of it but it may have also been that the rules established were outside the comfort zone of the subs you had. 

 

I believe the first rule and place as a Dom is to be a safe space for our subs. With that comes the protection and support they need to be able to fully and willingly submit (yes even the brats). 

In my life I've never had two D/S relationships that were exactly the same and had the same rules and expectations, and maybe that was the problem. If you are going to have rules and expectations, you should have them spelled out so you both know who is responsible for what and what both of your expectations are. 

[Ma****]

@Daddyalwaysknows, thanks for the advice. I made sure that I was a safe place. At least I thought I did, I do know that we had spoken beforehand about the expectations, and they were clear and agreed upon until it came to actually doing it.

[bo****]

Hmmm where their guidelines re outfits and also what was expected re txts maybe their partners did not know something that needs to be discussed

[Se****]

I'm switch, I've been sub and dom many times. In both scenarios it always feels to me that the sub sets the rules, expectations, and limits and the dom respects them, but pushes right up to the edge of them. Trust is massive for a Ds relationship. The sub must feel safe to be able to submit completely to their Dom. When there are additional factors to consider, such as husbands, the Dom has to be flexible and respect that sometimes the sub won't be able to do everything that is asked of them. A Ds relationship is about pleasure not breaking up a marriage by insisting a sub does something that puts their existing relationship in jeopardy. As a sub, when I meet a Dom that doesn't respect my limits and rules I haven't met a really Dom at all, I've met a d**k!! When this happens they lose me as their sub instantly.

[al****]

1 hour ago, Sensual*** said:

I'm switch, I've been sub and dom many times. In both scenarios it always feels to me that the sub sets the rules, expectations, and limits and the dom respects them, but pushes right up to the edge of them. Trust is massive for a Ds relationship. The sub must feel safe to be able to submit completely to their Dom. When there are additional factors to consider, such as husbands, the Dom has to be flexible and respect that sometimes the sub won't be able to do everything that is asked of them. A Ds relationship is about pleasure not breaking up a marriage by insisting a sub does something that puts their existing relationship in jeopardy. As a sub, when I meet a Dom that doesn't respect my limits and rules I haven't met a really Dom at all, I've met a d**k!! When this happens they lose me as their sub instantly.

From what he describes, it sounds more like they got cold feet. The best part is he got closure and not just ghosted. I want to point out he shared his story asking for help and guidance. I've seen so much judgment. There is a fine line between caring and Karen.

[i-****]

11 hours ago, Sensual*** said:

I'm switch, I've been sub and dom many times. In both scenarios it always feels to me that the sub sets the rules, expectations, and limits and the dom respects them, but pushes right up to the edge of them. Trust is massive for a Ds relationship. The sub must feel safe to be able to submit completely to their Dom. When there are additional factors to consider, such as husbands, the Dom has to be flexible and respect that sometimes the sub won't be able to do everything that is asked of them. A Ds relationship is about pleasure not breaking up a marriage by insisting a sub does something that puts their existing relationship in jeopardy. As a sub, when I meet a Dom that doesn't respect my limits and rules I haven't met a really Dom at all, I've met a d**k!! When this happens they lose me as their sub instantly.

I have always told my subs or potential subs this. To an extent you set the rules and I en*** them. I may lay out rules and expectations but its almost always based on what their goals are out of the dynamic.