Bb**** Posted March 6 19 minutes ago, Julz901 said: Because it may risk the relationship, in some cases. I give you 2 scenarious out of my head. 1. Lets say you have a fetish, where you know your partner doesnt like/is most likely not to like, why would you introduce that? 2. Lets say you have a fetish, who may even your partner like, but the fetish is hurtful to the relationship in generell. Why would you introduce it? There is no point in risking a great relationship, if there is a 95% fail rate and a 5% Success rate. Most of the time its fine to introduce it tho. Why wouldn't you introduce it, IF you like it ...that's why I always say there's tons of married people laying next to each other unhappy
ju**** Posted March 6 ngl i suggested my ex husband this, on the exploring part and he down right told me that he'll feel insecure about it, nor did he want to explore sex toys like dude it's suppose to spice things up ngl the other way around💀 I'm just glad i left him cause tbh he couldn't really satisfied me right lol
Mi**** Posted March 6 I’m going to say just speaking for myself. in the past maybe you fill like you miss represented yourself. Like you been dishonest. After a certain amount of time how can you tell someone. The best advise I can give is be open from the beginning you’re both adults and if you bring up the fact you have a sexual side that’s important in your life. I guarantee that person we’ll be all ears and if their are really into you, they will except it without blinking.
Th**** Posted March 6 Many feel ashamed of their kinks or that they will be looked down upon or seen as weird. Possible past experiences may have also contributed to them not wanting to talk about. No matter how we see it people still get kink shamed even by partners.
th**** Posted March 6 I didn't have a hard time, but I also didn't tell her, I just started exploring it without her consent instead of explaining to her that I was interested in bondage, and she wasn't prepared when I started putting her in cuffs and leash. She rolled with it at first but in the end, she said it traumatized her and we're no longer together. I have a hard time letting her go because I truly loved her and I see the error of my ways. Consent truly matters and being open truly matters. I wouldn't have hidden it from her, suppressing my urge to explore would have made our relationship worse, but I should've been open straight from the start. She consented through it all, but we never sat down and discussed it. Because of that, she feels that I ***d her into bondage and today she doesn't speak to me anymore. I would say not to hide it and to be open about it in the beginning. If you hide it, that's up to you, but that urge will grow and fester and ruin your relationship in different little ways. If you love her, go ahead and hide it and suppress your kink, a lot of guys do in the name of love, and a lot of guys are still with the one they love because they hid it. Sure, you can do it. But do you want to? I didn't want to hide it but I didn't know how to explain it or have a rational discussion about it, and because of that and acting on my urge to use bondage, I lost the love of my life. Today, I would be open upfront before starting any serious relationship. And have a mature discussion with your significant other, maybe you'll lose her, maybe you won't. But you always lose a part of yourself when you have to hide a part of yourself from someone you love.
Ge**** Posted March 6 For myself, it was a *** of rejection and judgment. Once I opened up about my desires, it felt like a weight had been lifted and made opening up much easier.
go**** Posted March 6 Many people *** being judged or labeled. I think it’s especially hard to discuss the subject if it isn’t brought up at the beginning. For me it’s so important that we have to discuss it up front
ey**** Posted March 6 8 hours ago, Bigbeautyrose said: Why is it that most people have a hard time telling thier significant others to explore the world of bdsm with them? mixed reasons - mostly centred around the answer being 'no' and whether that 'no' leads to the breakdown and otherwise good relationship or, whether the no becomes something they're actually made to feel bad about but even, sometimes, a yes - for *** of where that would take the relationship
Or**** Posted March 6 Cause the worlds full of judjmental a holes and sadly if ypu dont talk tp a partner befpre making them a partner ypu do yourself an injustice yo wait yo find out if they are in or out
Va**** Posted March 6 I did ask my last partner of 6 years to tie me up even bought things to play with like wax, bondage restraints, toys, whips…. He never tied me up. Sometimes they just aren’t into it. Or just not into you…..
Mi**** Posted March 6 Author All good answers! But don't you think the length of the relationship helps with the decision? Like if you've been with that person for years and sudden you bring it up and they feel like you're gross or what not or vice versa! Do u get that "did i even REALLY know you?" Feeling?
Un**** Posted March 6 Usually because as a couple we train ourselves to know what the other likes or dislike, a comfort zone (vanilla). Once boundaries start being stretched, some people feel like they are not enough, rather than say let's try this together. It can be uncomfortable, but a healthy relationship should be able to have that conversation openly. It all depends on the parties...and delivery as well.
Deleted Member Posted March 6 i think its only hard when your partner not into bdsm , because especially if not on vanilla surface, soo it better to find somone who understands and enjoy what you into
Deleted Member Posted March 6 All of the above I’d agree with, and the *** that if your partner agreed but still wasn’t passionate about it.. you’re at a dead end. Sometimes it’s better to keep hope alive, lol! Also .. they may feel you don’t love them enough if that’s ‘what you ‘need’.
Hu**** Posted March 6 That's a great question. Simple answer..... societal conditioning. Actually it serves a couple of purposes. Keep people isolated in small, tribal groups without any unity or cohesive thought, easier to divide and conquer. Two...A traditional family unit serves the Capitalist dream the best. Take care of you and yours, f**k everyone else. So, we've allowed ourselves to be governed by archaic relationship ideology, and shamed into believing otherwise.
ca**** Posted March 6 It seems, to me, most people have a *** of rejection. They *** their partner(s) will recoil in disgust and end the relationship. I got this from asking friends that are in the community and friends that are interested.
Tu**** Posted March 7 Was a Dom for 7 years prior to getting married. Wasnt pursuing bdsm with her..because shes VERY vanilla. Ive tried to bring up the subject. Its her stated belief that bdsm is ."disgusting" and its an excuse to "beat on" weak timid women. Marriage is circling the drain.
No**** Posted March 7 *** of rejection or to be thought of differently. I don’t struggle with this anymore but I did years ago.
Deleted Member Posted March 7 I know. Life is too short to feel such a strong urge and not be able to explore it safely with your partner.
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