Ke**** Posted March 7 I agree with the previous comments here. With people we value most, usually our partner, close friends and close relatives, we often behave the way they expect us to and introducing them to BDSM is really scary and carries a lot of risk to the core of the relationship. They may think, how could you keep that deviant lifestyle from me, from the time we started dating until just now, after many years of living together?
Tu**** Posted March 7 Because its usually the conversation that turns into “am i not enough? Why do you want/have to ‘hurt’ me to get off?” A conversation between a couple that have been together for a while and now you want to add something new, could cause riffs. Thus, people hold back or cheat(which is not condoned)
To**** Posted March 7 It’s a very tricky one. I have a normal, happy relationship but I’ve got a strong submissive side in me that is mostly suppressed. I’ve mentioned this to my partner and we’ve talked about it and although she says she’s somewhat interested and we’ve dabbled I feel she only goes along with it occasionally because she knows it excites me. I love her and respect her but it becomes a mind f**k when it doesn’t feel real. I’d rather she just said ‘ it’s not for me ‘ because pretending to be dominant doesn’t work for either .
Th**** Posted March 7 (edited) 5 hours ago, TommyN said: I’d rather she just said ‘ it’s not for me ‘ because pretending to be dominant doesn’t work for either . Have that conversation with her and tell her that. Don't be confrontational about it, provide a safe space for her to say that if that's how she feels. Edited March 7 by ThaliaV
Th**** Posted March 7 On 3/6/2025 at 7:10 AM, darkandprincess said: It should never happen. Wife and I have no secrets. Open conversations about sexual orientation and desire should have been part of the dating process. This. Your partner(s) should be the safest person to discuss anything and everything with. You need to be a healthy communicator from the start and be up front and honest with both yourself and the other person. It's part of figuring out if you're compatible with one another. If this is a struggle for someone they might need to do some inner work on their own before entering relationships or dating.
Deleted Member Posted March 7 Vulnerability. Asking your partner to explore BDSM can be a scary thing sometimes if you don't know if they are open to it. As much as trust and open communication is paramount for relationships, the primal *** of being rejected for our wants and desires is still there in all of us. Be true to yourself and allow others to see the side of you that you may be scared to share, and you'll be amazed at the wonders and experiences that come next.
wy**** Posted March 7 I think it’s more common among black communities. Somehow we are scared of having conversations around sex
wh**** Posted March 7 Because of generations of guilt and shame. I have found that for some being tied up can alleviate that because when they're tied up they're not responsible for what happens to them after that so they can let go
ye**** Posted March 8 Yesterday at 06:31 PM, wycombe680 said: I think it’s more common among black communities. Somehow we are scared of having conversations around sex yess!! i find that in the black community, bdsm and just kinks in general are never talked about and if they are you’re considered “weird” but a lot of people do have desires and kinks, they just don’t like to admit it themselves because of the stigma built around it and instead project it onto others in the community. the ratio between white and black people in the kink community absolutely shows it too.
ro**** Posted March 9 Look I didn't read the comments n stuff, but I feel the reason is, is that most women nowadays, do nit want to let that side of them show, unless the male/female/they understand where it comes from. And this is America so.......and this is basically quoting "a man is always in control of the household" either way, be up front with it, instead of trying to convert someone into a kink.
Mi**** Posted March 9 Author I love that so many of you can bafe your truths here! All great answers!
Se**** Posted March 9 You should try telling your new gf that you're into ***! If we could have chosen our fetishes I definitely would have chosen a slightly less taboo one, but what turns us on is what turns us on!
Js**** Posted March 10 People delay that conversation until its to late. People need to be more up front on who they are and what they like, I'd say within the first 2 dates. To many people try to hide.
Js**** Posted March 10 That's eventually what leads to cheating and general unhappiness in relationships. Realistically it seems people have a hard time talking about "different" things with people for *** of rejection. I hope I put my thoughts down properly, jumbled mess of thoughts...lol
Me**** Posted March 10 I feel it’s the same as a guy mentioning wanting to experience giving it to a girl in her back door. It’s almost like it’s frowned upon by a lot of people. Idk why people can’t just keep and open mind and not cringe. Everyone has their different fantasies, so what? I wish the world was more accepting.
Qu**** Posted March 10 Queen c The *** of rejection is the main cause of most people having to deal with being so upfront and honest with a partner period.
Se**** Posted March 10 5 hours ago, Jsecomb said: That's eventually what leads to cheating and general unhappiness in relationships. Realistically it seems people have a hard time talking about "different" things with people for *** of rejection. I hope I put my thoughts down properly, jumbled mess of thoughts...lol This is definitely why sites like this, where all of our kinky fetishes are in our profile, are such a good way to meet people. I think you're so right about the cheating. People crave to fulfill their fantasy and if that's something extreme then they are much more likely to look elsewhere for it
la**** Posted March 11 Even when you do bring it up with your significant other, what are you to do if they reject it or say are you crazy I would never. What do you do then is the better question? Leave everything you have worked to build with that person and the people around you for what a fetish that you are interested in exploring?
fo**** Posted March 11 I can't believe nobody made the joke about "my wife already has me whipped"...
ki**** Posted March 12 They might be afraid of there response and *** that it might cause a break up in there relationship
Ki**** Posted March 14 Well some people might be scared of telling them what they're into or that they might end up ruining their relationship. I think the best idea is to start off slow if their other have no experience. Bring up a few ideas on how to spice up your love life. If they're interested with that, then continue on. Toys, chastity, restraints, power control, fetish clothing, sexy lingerie. A few things to start with. Then after once they've got a taste and enjoy it. You can keep going on and explain what more you would like. However if they're not interested from the start. Then see if there is a way to seek this life while maintaining a good relationship with your significant other.
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