Some thoughts

[Wh****]

There’re some Dom, seem more inclined to indulge their Subs in pleasure. No shame in admitting it, I used to think the same way when I first entered the scene. But now, I see that many Doms, watching their Subs in absolute submission, believe they must’ve conquered them. In reality, they’ve merely tamed their Subs’ desires.

If submission is driven solely by desire, is that truly a submission?

BDSM is a game of mastering desire. A Dom must not only control the desires of their Sub but also master their own.

When a Sub surrenders their power, Dom can use it to protect her, to make her into a better version of herself. Or you can use it to break her, objectify her, enslave her.

Two choices. Two fates.

So, is this power meant to satisfy yourself, or to elevate the one who gave it to you? A Dom must answer this question first.

[yo****]

Or him*

[ev****]

The answer is very simple as having this style relationship is to satisfy a internal desire of the Dom. So obviously receiving submission is the goal but it's conditional on the doms ability to guide and protect the sub. The sub is always in control of if they are willing to continue the relationship. This agreeing to submit to the doms guidance, However outside of the dynamic it should be an open conversation at all times if either party especially the submissive wants to grow or change in a different way or direction and for the dom to communicate if they can or cant contribute to that particular section of growth. As long as a dom is capable and willing they would in turn keep the sub and continue having their personal desires filled. Simply put a submissive holds the power of placing trust in the Dom, a Dom holds the power of always holding consideration and structure for the submissive to grow in and by. Doms that want to keep successfully being such must always be growing and learning new things and how to guide their submissives.

[ju****]

It has to always balance somewhere around fifty fifty

[Deleted Member]

It's really not a choice. If you as a dom are breaking your sub you are the problem. Our role is to protect and support. 

 

Even with masochist or degrader roles, our job is to play within the boundaries set and allow our subs to be in the submissive space while also being comfortable and knowing that you are also there to comfort and protect them when needed. 

 

Your "choice" you outlined is the difference between a Dom and a fake. 

 

Edited March 9 by Deleted Member

[My****]

For me it's just another role to play, knowing how to act it out well thats YOUR agreed upon fantasy

[cm****]

If you, general you, are a DOM you need to put safety and wellbeing of sub first. So there is a boundary of what is willing. If the sub allows you to fulfill what you desire as a DOM then it’s consensual. If I could advise, have two words, a caution, easy. Then an all stop safe. That way you can push boundaries yet both feel safe for progression on desired intent. There is something though when both can find the harmony and satisfaction of DOM SUB interaction. Also recommend after care that may be needed for both sides. Keep the peace and FETS should be enjoyed not questioned.

[Ar****]

That really put into words what I have been trying to convey to all these fake doms. Those who think *** is the same thing as Domination. There are SO MANY of them out there! It gets frustrating as a sub who is seriously yearning for a true D/s relationship.

[Deleted Member]

You lost the entire point of any of my understanding of gratification built-in trust with the word enslave. I've got one hell of a twisted deviant mind, but there's not a humanity where anyone should *** someone into being less than what they are by having there will stripped from them entirely, I wouldn't agree with 50/50 entirely, a person being submissive by nature is going their gratification by surrendering that control, but that's for their needs to be met in their personal dynamic their voice should be soft but the leading one, and if the dominant is overtaking the balance of the dynamic to feed their own need to control, that seems pretty unhealthy.

[Da****]

I've indulged my subs pleasure because that's what I wanted from them. It pleased me to do it. I've also denied them pleasure for that same reason.

[ph****]

I would like to think it's to elevate the sub make them stronger I find that I'm more turned on by my sub when I know that they have chosen to give me the power. I had one she was my very first. After some time she asked me if I would help find a sub guy for her to dominate. I did and I was even more turned on when she resumed her sub role with me

[Si****]

I think of it as subs set the tone for relationship whereas Dom set the pace.

[an****]

As a soft Dom, I enjoy being able to get willful submission from my partner. I am however just as comfortable with consensual non-consent safely

[ey****]

The whole concept of "true" is, well, it's a bit of a word that means nothing really - and so people will try to push their version of "true" onto another.

The reality is, both Dominant and submissive have to be on the same page of what they want from their dynamic otherwise it won't work

 

[mpmmylisa7890]

As a dom , i love my sub to be honest and transparent.. so that the mistress - slave relationship will be so healthy and we can have so many sessions together with the purest and kindest mutual connection

[di****]

My girl wants to be dominated by multiple women, all at same time or one and one play. She’s fit and ready. We host , I just watch from the chair and do my crossword puzzle

[gt****]

I wish I could repost this! It’s such an important message for people new to kink and new to d/s relationships should know.

[Ro****]

Here's a perspective from a solo poly submissive with a decades' worth of serving different doms. While I agree it can be either /or as described above. It can also be both as well. This depends entirely on the desires both the Dom and sub. The best scenario is when the desires of both sides of this dynamic compliment each other to the point that it creates the ideal compatibility/ trust and communication to the point that they desire to be at. There's honestly nothing that is better than that. What some don't realize is that this also opens a certain level of vulnerability on both parts to get to that point. To be that *** to someone requires a certain level of trust. That can take time.

[se****]

i wish i could repost so many of these comments. they're very well said

[Ga****]

Saying there's just two choices is false, in the fact that it's very black and white thinking, right or wrong, which isn't true, there are only shades of grey, meaning you can get several choices out of different uses of the two. Pleasure can be used to break someone, so can trust, but the breaking of someone can be to help them become better, the military does this all the time. My opinion is a true Dom will do what is needed for each sub/slave to protect, and help improve even if it means breaking them, but no ***, and if being broken is what a sub/slave needs, then it's still leading to a happier life as long as they are truly safe. I may have a different perspective as I am empathic, I understand if most will not agree with me

[cr****]

As a switch but more submissive by heart, to me submission is the ultimate gift that you could give someone. If I feel I'm being ***d into submission it then becomes a feeling of an abusive relationship and not a D/s . Also "more inclined to indulge their subs in pleasure"?!? Isn't that the whole point of everything? You as a Dom get pleasure from whatever your kink may be such as inflicting *** on the *** sl*t it is the same as pleasing a pleasure SL*t. Is it not? If you're a sadist you enjoy giving *** and more than likely you will have a masochist so giving *** is pleasing the sub just as a Dom who loves giving pleasure to their sub is going to have someone who loves to be pleased. Same thing just different dynamics. Now the forcing the submission can be something that the sub quite enjoys too. I like to be ***d to do just about anything so if someone ***s me into something I'm getting pleasure from it. So again it's all the same just different dynamics. Each person has their likes and the ideal situation would be as stated above that they find someone that matches them. This is definitely the lifestyle that you can't just judge a book by it's cover. There are a lot of people who are using Fet to just find random hookups or find someone they can just dog out and use and throw them away. Or better yet destroy their psyche. The longer you've been in the lifestyle the easier it is to spot the fake ones out there. I can usually tell within a few minutes if someone is truly a Dom or not. And by one question whether they are a Master or not. Those who think that "conquering" a sub is a thing is sadly mistaken. We aren't too be conquered. We're not a nation in which a stronger nation wishes to seize and rule. Our ultimate gift is giving all of ourselves over to someone. And desire is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. I desire to have a pint of world class chocolate from Baskin Robbins. I also desire to have someone make my but so sure that when I sit in it tomorrow I'm going to remember just how my butt became sore. Just how can someone control another's feelings? So how can you say that BDSM is a game of mastering desire? BDSM is about limits, power, exploring. There are two roles and only two that ever give to their full rights and those are the kaijiras and slaves. A Dom would never try to enslave their sub.
I really think I might make like a group set up like a university for BDSM with courses such as BDSM 101 so that maybe more people would be better educated in what exactly the rules are and do.

[Sc****]

I find domming to be like a series of very simple jokes where the setup is suspense and anxiety and the punchline is sexual gratification and the relief of said suspense and anxiety. I wont yuck anyones yum but if you're breaking someone through *** and not just leading them to lose themselves, its problematic in my head.

[Ja****]

Thanks for posting this. I found many comments to be thought-provoking, educational, and reminders...

[Ro****]

I believe it should be a mutual desire, best when desires on both sides compliment the other. It is not easy to find, but it's out there. Sometimes you need the patience and room to find that.

[ve****]

IMO- the point of being a Dom is providing pleasure to your partner in a way she desires but can’t get in the modern world. Yes, you get pleasure from dominating, but it’s pointless if she doesn’t get pleasure from submitting