Couples play

[Dzydove]

I am curious if any couples switch roles. I know I am a sub, but I have thought about dominating a few men as well lately. If you do change roles, is it a rare thing, maybe once for the experience? Or do you frequently switch it up?

[ey****]

I switch with my wife.

Most other people I've played with in any capacity (one-off or ongoing relationship) is *usually* one role or the other

[Deleted Member]

I have found switching within a relationship to be quite difficult. My ex-partner and I tried it a few times but it didn't work for us. For me, a relationship has a particular  dynamic and that is threaded through everything we do. 

I switched with one partner, but it was a permanent switch, a few years ago. He started off as my Dom but I became his Domme and it worked much better for us. 

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, Dzydove said:

I am curious if any couples switch roles. I know I am a sub, but I have thought about dominating a few men as well lately. If you do change roles, is it a rare thing, maybe once for the experience? Or do you frequently switch it up?

I would definitely try it, for the experience, if you can. You might just love it! 

[Deleted Member]

I was in a long relationship once where we routinely switched. We even had MMF threesomes where one of us bottomed for the other 2 on and off during the threesome. It depends on your personal dynamic

[cautiousswitch]

Most of the switches I know, myself included, are subs who realize that the sub to dom/me ratio require a submissive to take the top role from time to time.  he three things that make it work are:

1 These are only playtime sessions and not lifestyle dominant/submissive relationships.  A couple that lives a vanilla existence with the occasional kink play should be able to switch easily.  Trying a more permanent I'm the dom this week, you're the domme next week... probably wouldn't work as well.

2 As subs, most of the people are looking for low intensity sessions.  There may be some reminders of the session that last a day, but nothing that lasts a week.

3 When topping, someone thinks of it as trying to please the other person, so they get submissive satisfaction out of play even though they are fulfilling a dominant role.

Again, that's just the people I know.  There are probably other dynamics out there and other answers.

[Mo****]

Mate I am dominant, and don't switch - EVER. Being a dominant is a lot of hard work in being able to ensure your sub gets the maximum pleasure and use during activities, so that at the end of play, she /he is contented. I get my pleasure from using the sub in whatever way I want, when I want, within their limits. To me, a switch is either someone who is not confident in themselves and so can only pretend for a short time, to be dominant, or is a lazy dom who can't be bothered, and so takes the easy road and allows someone else to control the situations. Before any of you jump on me, and MY opinion, remember, this is MY opinion and the way I live this life, and as we all know, different relationships have different dynamics.

[ey****]

well - yep - relationships and dynamics differ.

I tend to call myself switch for ease.  But, ultimately I *enjoy* activities deemed 'Dominant' and activities deemed 'submissive'.

I wouldn't want to deny myself something for the sake of picking one or the other.   

 

[Phoenyx]

I should probably clarify the confusion, before it gets any worse.  I see two distinctly different dynamics being discussed here.  One has very little bearing on the other.

The first is a relationship where the two partners routinely switch roles.  "Whose turn is it tonight?"  In such cases, both parties "switch".  Neither one is ever truly dominant or submissive.

The second is the concept of hierarchy.  A person can be always dominant with one play partner, yet always submissive to another.  This is not uncommon.  In fact, I once owned a slave, who owned a slave of her own.

There are a couple good articles in the magazine section, on BDSM "families".  They describe the concepts of hierarchy quite well.  Though the "familes" cited are all gay men, such structures were also quite common (at one time) in the hetero community.  In fact, my former mentor (the Domme who trained me) was the head of one such "straight" family.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, phoenyx said:

  Though the "familes" cited are all gay men, such structures were also quite common (at one time) in the hetero community

I remember a compere at a fetish event who was a gay gentleman who was telling jokes whilst explaining his family structure.

And how one person might be Dominant to one person, but sub to someone else - who might in turn have a different relationship with someone else and so on.   It was quite interesting and also helped normalise, for sure.