Characteristics of a high valued female Dom/Domme/Mistress

[Th****]

2 hours ago, Kinky_Auld_Bastehrd said:

Emmmm. As reasonably new to this side of me, where then, may a Subbie go to learn to be “what a good *pick yer own damn gender!!🤣”!!) boy” in my case? Munches offer a certain amount of information but. So, I turn to the Sage Ones!

In addition to what Eyem mentioned there are also online/virtual opportunities for education as well as books. The events section on Fetlife's website is one of the best ways to keep up with what's being offered. A friend is an educator and offers workshops and seminars on this specific topic periodically, she may even have them saved and available on demand on Patreon but I'm not sure of that. I'd have to ask. 

[Ar****]

On 4/6/2025 at 2:21 AM, Alpalmson said:

2) Confident-- It is hard to serve someone who doesn't exude a sense of superiority.

I think this is a refreshing post which I wish would have gained more traction, and agree with the general gist. I would like to elaborate on this point though and ask for your clarification/thoughts.

I feel that being able to project superiority works and is important to many types of dynamic such as where the s-type is a slave, pet, or similar especially where degrdation plays a key aspect.

While I would agree that confidence is necessary in other dynamics too, should confidence automatically equate to superiority when many D/s connections are viewed as closer to partnerships?

Edited April 16, 2025 by Aranhis
Amendment to censored word

[ey****]

I think in some cases in general - it does depend on what someone is looking for in a relationship/dynamic

I feel sometimes men in general flick between that what they most find desirable is two tits and a heartbeat, and those who go full Corn Brain - like, she's got to be 25, with 10 years experience - no-no-no-no-don't-do-the-maths, has to have her own toys, outfits, playroom, BUT they've never been used on / bought by other people, she's got to be in full leather or latex when I get home from work and ready to boss me BUT have enough *** somehow that I'm not contributing to this - I've got to know and feel she is a Domme at all time - etc.

(it may be there wasn't so much traction on here because some guys didn't want to say either extreme - possibly others worried about edge cases : if I say I'm looking for x, would that put off person y --- or also if a lot of people aren't *actually* sure what they're looking for)

 

[AKA_Copper]

4 hours ago, Aranhis said:

I think this is a refreshing post which I wish would have gained more traction, and agree with the general gist. I would like to elaborate on this point though and ask for your clarification/thoughts.

I feel that being able to project superiority works and is important to many types of dynamic such as where the s-type is a slave, pet, or similar especially where degrdation plays a key aspect.

While I would agree that confidence is necessary in other dynamics too, should confidence automatically equate to superiority when many D/s connections are viewed as closer to partnerships?

I agree with your thinking. Confidence doesn't always equate to superiority (and that's not the right word for me). Confidence is often misplaced. Confidence may well garner my respect (unless ill placed) and/or confidence in that person but, it doesn't necessarily result in anything more than that.

[du****]

I really enjoy reading this forum, it's posts and debates like this particular one that actually get me thinking and evaluating myself.

I don't have much input of value, so I will leave it there.

Cheers 👍

[Curiouschimera]

Honesty - The willingness to tell me what's up, even if it hurts
Patience - Delaying the pleasure of the here and now for the rewards of the future
Empathy - Understanding it hurts but pushing me through it anyway
Vigour - Not just doing it, but doing it with determined enthusiasm 
Beauty - That which I can't help but be drawn to

[Do****]

April 6, insanitysheart said:

It really amazes me that people think it is ok to treat femdoms like kink dispensers and porn factories.

This is something I’m becoming more and more conscious of as time goes on. How to turn the tables on this and make it a more balanced dynamic.

[Do****]

April 16, CopperKnob said:

I agree with your thinking. Confidence doesn't always equate to superiority (and that's not the right word for me). Confidence is often misplaced. Confidence may well garner my respect (unless ill placed) and/or confidence in that person but, it doesn't necessarily result in anything more than that.

Self Assured maybe?

[Salacious67]

Some investing comments, for me personally traits I value and look for are empathy to understand what you’re sub wants as a two way relationship , nurturing kindness to build up your sub rather than looking to break them, patience to work with your sub as a two way dynamic on what you both require and want both physically, emotionally and mentally and this works in with good communication obviously. 

[Salacious67]

There’s also that confidence too, but in a self assured way that builds and nurtures rather than having to bark out commands and orders, true Dominance can be obtained and if far more powerful when used in a clam, controlled manner. 

[MistressKanade]

On 6/19/2025 at 7:29 AM, Curiouschimera said:

Honesty - The willingness to tell me what's up, even if it hurts
Patience - Delaying the pleasure of the here and now for the rewards of the future
Empathy - Understanding it hurts but pushing me through it anyway
Vigour - Not just doing it, but doing it with determined enthusiasm 
Beauty - That which I can't help but be drawn to

The idea of confidence is the wrong word was brought up and I'd really like to point this out. "Determined enthusiasm". What is confidence but enthusiasm that is also determined to "get r done". I struggle with showing confidence in my domme side, but when I know what my goal is, and I understand the steps to get to that goal putting fun into it makes it look very confident.