Ca**** Posted April 19 I can can only speak from personal experience as a cautionary tale but after my first (and alas only) experience with kink, that relationship ended and then I spent 15 years with my partner in a monogamous serious vanilla relationship. It has its pros and cons. Pro-the stability was nice Con: I tried to share my kinks but he was strictly vanilla and with my ADHD brain it was very hard to enjoy sex without my mind just wandering off somewhere else. It wasn't fair to him (or me) and that relationship ended. I had another relationship that lasted 4 years and he too was vanilla with a very low sex drive. I loved him very much but I was unfulfilled in the bedroom. Sex is not the only important thing, but if you are not compatible one of you might end up feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. Remember a serious relationship is long term. You have to ask yourself if vanilla is enough to satisfy you. If not you can end up years without feeling satisfied.
Deleted Member Posted April 19 In my opinion, the answer is no. If you're in to kink, then that's what you're going to want. I tried going back to vanilla relationships after years of being in kink and realized just how much I truly missed it. My very vanilla bf at the time recognized i was struggling without it and he tried to make up for it but it just wasn't the same or what I needed sexually. Our relationship ended for other reasons but here I am looking again for kinky partners. I would wish I could find someone who is into kink and wants the vanilla kind of home/ family life that I want but I've searched and don't think it exists. It honestly feels like having to choose between the two.
Deleted Member Posted April 19 If kink is part of your authentic self and not simply "a phase", it will stick with you for the rest of your life. Plenty of kinky parents out there juggling their lifestyle and their responsibilities as a parent.
my**** Posted April 21 I would interduce it to him in small bits be open and honest with him you'll be surprised what he maybe into or willing to try. I just wouldn't start out with something big.
ve**** Posted May 30 April 19, MD148114 said: In my opinion, the answer is no. If you're in to kink, then that's what you're going to want. I tried going back to vanilla relationships after years of being in kink and realized just how much I truly missed it. My very vanilla bf at the time recognized i was struggling without it and he tried to make up for it but it just wasn't the same or what I needed sexually. Our relationship ended for other reasons but here I am looking again for kinky partners. I would wish I could find someone who is into kink and wants the vanilla kind of home/ family life that I want but I've searched and don't think it exists. It honestly feels like having to choose between the two. I’ve had both. It is possible!!! Kinky, wild, fun sex and a “vanilla or tame lifestyle. It can work out.
ve**** Posted May 30 11 hours ago, atlanta142904 said: What is vanilla??? To me it = boring!!!! Vanilla is missionary every time, same positions, until orgasm. There isn’t *** with pleasure, being tied up unable to grab his hair to hero release the build up, the vulnerability of not being able to do a thing but be taken over and pleasured in so many ways. Cum denial, not being able to use my hands to help with the throbbing pulse in my entire body, it’s sex that doesn’t lead to the gush and squirt that is the BEST release ever. I think vanilla means something different to everyone.
ve**** Posted May 30 GREAT ADVICE!!!! That’s how I had both. When I started dating my husband (separated) I was pleasantly surprised when he wanted to tie me up, bite my thighs and boobs, etc. we did so many things and by looking at him I’d have never known that he was a dom in bed, loved to give pleasure *** etc. I think it can be in most people but someone has to introduce it, like u said, slowly. I have a feeling that there are so many people who don’t even know what they truly like and would love in bed or on the counter lol. If you’ve never been exposed to it or no one‘s ever, tried it with you how do you know that you would like it or not like it? So I think your advice is spot on because I didn’t know that I liked being very submissive because I always thought that meant weak or control and that would mean that I wanted to be ***d and that’s not what it is. I’m glad that I’ve been able to experience the things I do like and Experiment and figure out that hell yeah, dominate me, give me that *** because holy balls it makes the pleasure so much better and I never thought I’d want someone pulling my hair, choking me or any of that because I always thought of it as *** until somebody who truly loved me did it and I felt safe and I knew he wasn’t doing it to hurt me He was doing it for my pleasure and of course his but more to see my reaction and if I’d react positively or not. So the point of my novel is that we never know what we have in us until somebody else draws that out of us and I think the slower the better because some people might feel ashamed at first if they do like this kind of a lifestyle, but that’s what’s great about a website like this is that you know you’re not the only one and it’s being normalized on TikTok and pretty much everywhere. I really think book tok has brought some normalization among King and wanting that I don’t know how to say it but to be so desired I guess. It is so hard to explain but thankfully everyone on here I think knows what I’m trying to say lol
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