Deleted Member Posted April 9, 2020 Posted April 9, 2020 Came onto the scene when I was 18, worked as pro Dom for two years, also sex line and worked in a burlesque nightclub in Oxfordshire. I took 17 years out on my late 20s due to kids and vanilla partners. Just got back on to the scene just before the lockdown. Things have changed so much that I almost feel like a newbie. Lots of new abbreviation I hardly understand. Has anyone else been though anything like this?
littlesubsusan Posted April 9, 2020 Posted April 9, 2020 I am not new to the lifestyle. I just seem not to fit anywhere ( or at least thats how I feel). I mean I get it that others have different view points and its just like any other relationship you find your place and be honest.... However there seems to be a weird divide if you will. Hope you find who and what you are looking for.
ey**** Posted April 9, 2020 Posted April 9, 2020 So. I was first active when I was 18/19 and then needed to take a little break (it did come too soon for me) and, yeah in my case the break was 12 years. I also noticed a lot of differences and I really did find it easier to just approach as if I was a newbie again. I feel one there's a few things that's led to a lot of changes - certainly there's information and content a lot more accessible and available then there was then and this has both caused an open up of different kink ideas, dynamic ideas, and sometimes a lot of other kinks/fetishes/etc have come into the arena ahead of traditional D/s But, yes, it was a total refresh - for sure.
Mi**** Posted April 9, 2020 Posted April 9, 2020 I am new to this, so my two pence worth won’t really be much. However, I started to look into this whole lifestyle a while back (although never having had actually experienced it). Now that I have come here and I’m actively looking, I find what I previously researched (you could say) is obsolete.
Phoenyx Posted April 9, 2020 Posted April 9, 2020 So glad to see that I am not alone, in my long hiatus. I too, was a pro Dom for a few years. I even hosted a weekly show at an underground nightclub. I dropped out of The Scene back in '99, when gentrification ***d me to move from San Francisco. I ended-up in a part of the country so bland, that it made "vanilla" look too spicy. I finally reentered The Scene last year (in an electronic sense) when I discovered this group. Here, I was not required to give-out private info, or join some "social media" like Fakebook (which, for privacy reasons, I won't touch with a ten-foot mouse) Over the years, I did try to return, through discussion groups that I found on Yahoo. But, like most-all Yahoo groups, they did an almost immediate crash and burn. Eventually, Yahoo was bought-out by "Oath", and their email groups became a thing of the past. I am still assessing the differences between the 1990's and now. I don't really feel like a newbie. More like a time traveler. The one thing that I have noticed most, is the erosion of respect and protocol. So many of the new attitudes are a definite turn-off for me. On the positive side though, I see a lot more emphasis on safety and aftercare. Apparently, these were hard lessons learned over the years. I have to wonder though, why "hair" is no longer seen as a fetish. It was big in my time. All of the major male Doms had hair at-least as long as mine, if not longer. But, no more. Why is that? Was it just "a California thing"?
Goldenrich Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 Yes many times sometimes I want to give up because it's two much hard work!!
RA**** Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 I took a 7 year hiatus once, yes, very different after. I think it also depends on your area. When I moved, the scene was much more like what it was 20 years ago in other areas.
Ky**** Posted April 10, 2020 Posted April 10, 2020 yes definitely, the abbreviations sometimes drive me batty and that's not the way I like to be hung up
littlesubsusan Posted April 11, 2020 Posted April 11, 2020 On 4/10/2020 at 4:19 AM, Kymi said: yes definitely, the abbreviations sometimes drive me batty and that's not the way I like to be hung up Same, Its like we forgot words. There are just so many abbreviations one can remember its like we all need a little cheat sheet
Goldenrich Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 Yes me two and I am still trying what ever happened to plain talking I feel like I have to take a test in all of this modern way of life to be accepted these things were going on year's ago why make it so complicated it was so much easier when people used plain English but I suppose if you did that today I suppose you might end up with someone taking you to court!
ey**** Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 56 minutes ago, Goldenrich said: Yes me two and I am still trying what ever happened to plain talking I feel like I have to take a test in all of this modern way of life to be accepted these things were going on year's ago why make it so complicated it was so much easier when people used plain English but I suppose if you did that today I suppose you might end up with someone taking you to court! ironically; I have no idea what you're talking about - could you try saying what you mean?
Goldenrich Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 Hi I am new to this scene and for me when I look at the different categories now I think I don't understand a lot of the terminologies why not keep it simple why make a thing difficult when theirs need to? Maybe it's my age (65) but we all have different views and it's nice to hear people's different views on this site
Goldenrich Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 OK I look at someone's profile I then look at the things their into and one of the things that they are into is *** so what does this mean are they going to whip me so hard to draw ***? Or do they want to stick a syringe in me and drink my ***? Or does it mean a woman is on a menstrual cycle and she wants me to drink her ***? That's what I have been trying to say that's plain English
Phoenyx Posted April 14, 2020 Posted April 14, 2020 12 minutes ago, Goldenrich said: OK I look at someone's profile I then look at the things their into and one of the things that they are into is *** *** play involves knives and cutting---usually with a ceremonial dagger. The cuts are just deep enough to cause *** and draw ***.
ey**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 ah, OK So, I think there is some terminology that is broad and some that is specific. Like, someone could write "I'm into corporal punishment" and that could mean lots of things - there might be specific implements they love, hate, or won't touch. They could be into judicial, or not. There reasons for enjoying it might be because they're a masochist (or sadist) or because they associate it with one experience or another (I found recently a lot of older folk like the cane because it reminds them of a simpler time when the only thing to *** was the cane) - but - particularly on a profile, a loose idea is probably better than someone's life story. So, ***, for example - it can be broad, but it's usually around cutting. Some can involve assorted vampiric ideas, but not necessarily - but if there's a mutual interest in *** play it can be something can be discussed what is liked. I find a lot of fetishes or ideas can be broad; but they can be their own talking points and icebreakers. Or discussion points on forums.
SolomanStrange Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 Have things changed or have we changed? Language has changed, in terms of conversation and street slang and technology. In the past their may have been more of an elitism within the community which I no longer think is as prevalent, certainly not on Fetish. I have noticed more bratty young sub girls? Is that a millennial thing? Fashion, hasn't changed. Oh maybe the invention of the adult baby grow or onesie Kinks haven't changed. I've got literature, reference books which are 15 years old and are completely relevant, the links in the back are out of date🤷♀️ I watch Preaching to the perverted again last week... it's still as relevant today as is was in 96. I think we are wiser, more confident and our perceptions change. As well as our position within the sexual market place! Coming back to kink has been a little like riding a bike! Only more fun.
Wo**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 1 hour ago, SolomanStrange said: Have things changed or have we changed? Language has changed, in terms of conversation and street slang and technology. In the past their may have been more of an elitism within the community which I no longer think is as prevalent, certainly not on Fetish. I have noticed more bratty young sub girls? Is that a millennial thing? Fashion, hasn't changed. Oh maybe the invention of the adult baby grow or onesie Kinks haven't changed. I've got literature, reference books which are 15 years old and are completely relevant, the links in the back are out of date🤷♀️ I watch Preaching to the perverted again last week... it's still as relevant today as is was in 96. I think we are wiser, more confident and our perceptions change. As well as our position within the sexual market place! Coming back to kink has been a little like riding a bike! Only more fun. I am never, ever riding a bike again, tyvm! (Broke my leg last year coming off it) Seriously though, this is an interesting thread. I'm still relatively new to the scene and the protocol and and "rules" fascinate me. I didn't realise just how much of a scene it really was, and is. The abbreviations used, a lot I have no idea what they are. CBT is a totally different thing to me now! My knowledge of bdsm before joining here was having read The Story of O and Fifty Shades (Yes, I read it. Kill me now.) and enjoying some bondage and light whipping so no perspective on how/If things have changed but I like how it is. Mostly x
Si**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 Although kinks have grown and exspsanded, the scene has not, its just more out of the closet. However the language has really changed. I think people only really know the things that turn them on and everything outside of their interest not looked into. I'm not into scat play so know nothing about it. I think those who have been on the scene for a while know what most things are. However isn't half the fun for newbies the discovery and exploring of this new world?
Ky**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 1 minute ago, SirGreen said: Although kinks have grown and exspsanded, the scene has not, its just more out of the closet. However the language has really changed. I think people only really know the things that turn them on and everything outside of their interest not looked into. I'm not into scat play so know nothing about it. I think those who have been on the scene for a while know what most things are. However isn't half the fun for newbies the discovery and exploring of this new world? yep, it is, discovering new things, especially the feel of never before experienced implements on my bare bum
SolomanStrange Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is a great book as a starting point! Its nice to have on the book shelve but its all on line now.
Si**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 3 minutes ago, Kymi said: yep, it is, discovering new things, especially the feel of never before experienced implements on my bare bum Yep mixing it up such as: course or silky smooth, sharp or dull, heavy or light, icy cold, cold, warm, hot or burning. So is sensations created by texture, material, temperature and location. Then each done in different mindsets such as mood and location of play (indoor/outdoor/ public or private). Including the anticipation build up leading up to play be it hours, days even weeks. As each D/s dynamic is so individual to the people in them, as is the type of kink/play they like. I think each to their own discovery of the things that make them go oooow. If it were too simple, people wouldn't have to make the effort to discover their kinks. It is through that search and learning that they stumble into something that gets them turned on. I'm a firm believer the level of the pleasure is relative to the level of effort put in.
helenOfToy Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 It certainly is a voyage of discovery. I'm literally only a few months into my journey, and already developed a fully fledged female alter ego and discovered that I'm a lot more bi than I thought I was. Who knows what I will discover next.
Nu**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 I think the biggest change I’ve experienced has been the role of technology and the internet. When I first started out, email was just becoming mainstream. I’ve always stayed away or on the periphery of being actively socially in the kink/bdsm world due to my job. Tech has helped me so much, in being able to indulge and explore some of my kinks with others, which wouldn’t be possible without the net. I think without it I’d have stayed in isolation which I definitely no longer want to do.
helenOfToy Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 25 minutes ago, Nusch said: I think the biggest change I’ve experienced has been the role of technology and the internet. When I first started out, email was just becoming mainstream. I’ve always stayed away or on the periphery of being actively socially in the kink/bdsm world due to my job. Tech has helped me so much, in being able to indulge and explore some of my kinks with others, which wouldn’t be possible without the net. I think without it I’d have stayed in isolation which I definitely no longer want to do. I honestly wouldn't have had any idea how to begin without the internet. I'm far to shy to try and meet people in person, or at least I was the chat rooms here and the lovely people in them gave me the confidence to start going to local munches and begin to build my real life circle of kinky friends.
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