MK**** Posted May 16 Have you ever been in that situation where you're talking to somebody (like, really vibing) and it's not official, but it's something. You’re not out here being thirsty. You’re not collecting hearts like Infinity Stones. You’re just talking to one person, and it feels mutual. So when the DMs start rolling in, you’re like, “Nah, I’m good.” You try to lock it down, make a little digital moat. Just enough to say: Not today, nipple avatars. So you change something in your profile to try and create a boundary. And now she’s the one who sees it! And suddenly she’s like, “Oh, you have a partner?” And you’re standing there like, “No! That wasn’t for you! That was for the unsolicited nudes from Colorado!” It’s like putting up a "Do Not Disturb" sign so you can take a nap, and your crush sees it and just walks away forever. You’re in the hallway, bathrobe open, screaming “I meant strangers! Not you! Come back!” You tried to create a boundary to create space for the person you’re interested in—and they responded to it like a stranger would. Now you’re stuck in this weird limbo: trying to prove you’re not a player, while simultaneously looking like you have a secret wife and three burner phones. * So, spill it. Has anyone else out there accidentally friend zoned themselves with a preemptive thirst trap repellent? * Or is this just my special brand of romantic self-sabotage? Asking for a friend ... who is definitely me in a slightly less revealing bathrobe. * Seriously though, has anyone else pulled this kind of boneheaded move? -- And more importantly, did they ever recover?
MK**** Posted May 16 Author 20 minutes ago, betterWhenWetter said: Just tell the girl it's because you get unwanted attention. Ha fair. I was just trying to say "I’m choosing you" without sounding like a clingy golden retriever -- might have overcorrected. Could be I said it too late because I assumed something . . . or too early, before she finished sorting her own mess. Either way, timing’s a cruel wingman.
On**** Posted May 16 Whether it's a dating app or a workplace or a one off chance meeting in public, We begin a vetting process in our mind, "do I trust you? Am I safe? The answer starts at 'I don't know' interacting in conversation, words, body language all become indicators of building trust with anyone. That process starts at perceived impression, how you look, your body language etc, as we interact we begin increasing that trust. When we are caught in a lie regardless of the reason that trust is now gone. Depending on the reason for the interaction in the first place will likely stop immediately, at the very least your integrity is now damaged. "if% this person is willing to lie about something minor, why would they not lie about something major?" I would own it, and not do this with the next person. It's very easy to temporarily stop a dating account and restart later if desired. It's also very easy to add a 'Taking a break from the app for awhile' "do not disturb" would have been much better. Good luck
MK**** Posted May 16 Author I know, right? I felt like I should’ve framed the moment -- or at least offered a commemorative tote bag. That explains it! She was probably thinking, "thank God, I almost liked this guy. "
Deleted Member Posted May 16 Yes, but I deceived myself with their flirtatious nature and misread their message!!! Lol
Deleted Member Posted May 17 My favorite part is getting a hello then an instant request for my private pics. I mean at least put some effort in getting to know me unless you are direct and simply want to see nudes and aren't even interested in me as a person. Especially if your literally 1500 miles away. I may feel inclined to accept your request if you are actually honest.
Ki**** Posted May 17 5 hours ago, MissKittyKibbles80 said: My favorite part is getting a hello then an instant request for my private pics. I mean at least put some effort in getting to know me unless you are direct and simply want to see nudes and aren't even interested in me as a person. Especially if your literally 1500 miles away. I may feel inclined to accept your request if you are actually honest. I’m good. IF and when I’ve chatted with you long enough, you so chose to share, I’m sure you’d ask first! And if I wasn’t interested prior, then I had better made THAT clear in previous conversations so I didn’t cause you embarrassment or me discomfort by having received an offer from you and turning it down.
BreezyBre Posted May 17 Tell her! Be honest, she may find it endearing and you can't really make the situation any worse right?
Gr**** Posted May 18 Not in such a public way, no. . It involved telling one person I’d been chatting with here that things were becoming intense with a different person I was chatting with … I thought I was letting them know about how my attention was getting split, and they assumed I was telling them I was no longer interested. . Before things went nuclear with the intense person, the regular person popped back into my DMs asking if I’d still be interested so it ended up working out okay. . I have noticed that putting very noticeable announcements of my STI status on my profile has significantly lowered the amount of inquiries I get, so when you want fewer contacts in the future consider highlighting something about yourself that’s considered a stigma. . I designed it to look informative rather than negative because I’m disclosing important information about myself rather than telling certain types of people to bug off. I’ve noticed that folks tend to show themselves out without so much as a ***p most of the time.
ey**** Posted May 18 With a slight tongue-in-check given how many guys complain that they have to make the first move - or - how hard it is to get a reply etc - there must be some deep magic to not only have a conversation going somewhere but someone else expressing interest you wish to deflect Obviously hindsight is a bitch - but - I've found when someone is interested they tend to pay more attention to what you do, for assorted reasons - that they are genuinely interested and so interested in status updates, what you write in the forums and will sometimes re-read over your profile But also because they will be looking for flags, that as well as trying to build a picture on things they like about you - also looking for times where you'll say different things publicly and privately or whether seemingly playing - read something elsewhere earlier today which was a simple example of a turnoff of guys coming into their inbox saying how wonderful they were when they could see they'd been saying the same things on multiple people's pictures. Mind, sometimes context lacks there. By irony, putting up a post like this might make this person re-read and see this wasn't meant as it was said - but - hey, who knows. I guess the thing is if there are additional messages coming in, you don't actually have to reply to them. You can say thanks but no thanks. It is possible to say no without trying to deter people. Or you can even reply but make it clear you are with advance talks with someone else.
Recommended Posts