Deleted Member Posted May 27 I humbly ask: What are some ways you find effective and helpful to keeping yourself accountable in public, in relationship with others in and out of play, and/or privately in regards to your personal experience of BDSM as a D-type and/or s-type? How do these practices add to your experience and the experiences of the people in your life, play & vanilla? Advice and tips from all experience levels welcomed and greatly appreciated! đđź đ¤
ge**** Posted May 27 Integrity is doing right when no one is watching. You are the only one who knows⌠most of the time, if someone tells those little âwhiteâ liesâŚI question their integrity (inside my brain, I donât in public) because whatâs stopping them from moderate or massive lies, nothing. And you can usually tell if some truly didnât know facts when confronted⌠they will usually look you in the eyes and immediately admit their errorâŚ
Ha**** Posted May 27 As a Black woman in a long-distance dynamic, accountability isnât about being watchedâitâs about choosing to stay aligned when no oneâs looking. Itâs not always easy, but the names and honorifics heâs given me are sacred. I donât share them with others because they carry meaning, not performance. They remind me of who I am to him and who I want to be within our structure. We move on trust, not control. I share things like self-pleasure because honesty keeps us close. He doesnât need to manage me, and I donât need to perform. With others, that same standard appliesâjust because someone wants access doesnât mean theyâre owed connection. My submission isnât casual, and neither is my attention. If youâre navigating distance, build around how you want to feelâsafe, soft, powerful, seen. Protect whatâs sacred. Be clear, be honest, and let your accountability serve your own peace first. Thatâs where the real connection lives.
GreyHog Posted May 27 1 hour ago, HappyFatLady said: As a Black woman in a long-distance dynamic, accountability isnât about being watchedâitâs about choosing to stay aligned when no oneâs looking. Itâs not always easy, but the names and honorifics heâs given me are sacred. I donât share them with others because they carry meaning, not performance. They remind me of who I am to him and who I want to be within our structure. We move on trust, not control. I share things like self-pleasure because honesty keeps us close. He doesnât need to manage me, and I donât need to perform. With others, that same standard appliesâjust because someone wants access doesnât mean theyâre owed connection. My submission isnât casual, and neither is my attention. If youâre navigating distance, build around how you want to feelâsafe, soft, powerful, seen. Protect whatâs sacred. Be clear, be honest, and let your accountability serve your own peace first. Thatâs where the real connection lives. Well said, baby girl....
Bi**** Posted May 27 I ask myself what my intentions are. Where am I coming from, whether that is in a scene, interactions with potential players partners , or even with my close friends who I share personal feelings with . Am I doing or saying whatever it is which honesty and compassion, even while (especially while) in a dom space
Deleted Member Posted May 27 Author 2 hours ago, HappyFatLady said: As a Black woman in a long-distance dynamic, accountability isnât about being watchedâitâs about choosing to stay aligned when no oneâs looking. Itâs not always easy, but the names and honorifics heâs given me are sacred. I donât share them with others because they carry meaning, not performance. They remind me of who I am to him and who I want to be within our structure. We move on trust, not control. I share things like self-pleasure because honesty keeps us close. He doesnât need to manage me, and I donât need to perform. With others, that same standard appliesâjust because someone wants access doesnât mean theyâre owed connection. My submission isnât casual, and neither is my attention. If youâre navigating distance, build around how you want to feelâsafe, soft, powerful, seen. Protect whatâs sacred. Be clear, be honest, and let your accountability serve your own peace first. Thatâs where the real connection lives. So beautiful. Youâve moved me to tears. Thank you for sharing. âĽď¸
SIMPLYtheBEST13 Posted May 28 Well said above , accountability is key, but I believe rules , standards, limits, and understanding communication clearly will prevent guessing wrong. If something is questionable, a simple explanation of WHY also allows a learning curve to a different mindset and out look. I love this lifestyle bc you learn so much about the difference In Love' ,Passion , and extreme pleasures that definitely needs guidelines to remain on the same attraction frequency.
Wi**** Posted May 28 First of all: I CAN carry myself, I CAN lead myself. I CHOOSE to give myself to someone worthy, who knows what to do with it. I do not depend on it. I believe that makes a great difference from the start. And subs sometimes do not cultivate their relationship with themselves enough, I believe. To give something away, first you must obtain it yourself, don't ya? Any BDSM relationship starts with a sub and their bond to themselves, a dominant with their bond to themselves. They learn to know themselves. Their strengths and their weaknesses. Their desires and their ***s. Alone. For themselves. And they both learn to carry and hold themselves first before one decides to gift that power to someone else that showed themselves worthy of this gift, capable of this power. And the other decides to gift his strength into using it for holding, leading, bending, caring for somebody else. A healthy, strong and functioning BDSM relationship has no actual dependencies. It is a choice by two people who know themselves well. And I believe working on that relationship to yourself is ehat you are looking for. This is regulated from within. And, no, it doesn't ruin the dynamik, it doesn't take the power from your dom. Only if he/she never had it. Real leadership has nothing to do with dependency, so that is not what a real dom needs. đ
Recommended Posts