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How to get the flame back?


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My Alpha and I have been together for 3 years this month. Recently our kink goes on but the sex does not. It's a mutual issue. I am looking for advice on how to bring the fire back.  We've tried toys and roleplay. We can get interested and get started but it just kinda goes flat like a tire with a hole in it. Once we start it slowly dies until we just lay down cuddle and cry.  We've seen our doctors and they tell us nothing is wrong. Thoughts and ideas? We love each other very much and want to bring back the spark that lit up our lives and bed room.



sorry to hear that this has happened but your commitment to each other is wonderful. 

I might suggest that you create a time period, potentially as long as a month, where you decide not to enter into any physical/ sexual contact. 

In the time period, talk openly/directly/ frankly, relax, look at each other- I have no doubt that in this period you will start wanting each other again and talk about what you are thinking about/ desiring. However, you have to stick to the rule set that you won’t have any contact......


i think that you will find the spark again


fire 🔥🔥🔥

Posted (edited)

Your post doesn't share other aspects of your relationship, so what I share maybe useful or useless.

When we are at the start of a  relationship, we are individuals seeking a connection with somebody meaningful to complete us. As a healthy relationship progresses both of you slip into becoming the same person and willingly give up elements of your individuality, which is normal. However, sometimes we give up too much our individuality and become focused on being a couple too much.

Consider exploring something individually, maybe something you want to do in the evening and  the other partner simply supports you in this and vice-verser...maybe one of you wants to learn to ball room dancing or study something the other partner simple supports the other...try something small and simple...

The aim is to be individuals and be together and have some differences to share and simply enjoy each other outside of kinks...creating a space and time for your desires for each other as individuals to grow and explore together...


Edited by PatientTraveller
grammar again & spelling
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