Bouncing back

[Deleted Member]

I know this is not strictly a bdsm only topic but nevertheless I would like to ask. How do you guys deal with being rejected? When someone couldn’t see your light when you thought it was perfect, how did you rationalise it and move on? Did you tell yourself that it’s their loss, did you tell yourself that you may not be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok, did you tell yourself that you dodged a bullet and are better off, did you feel like you lacked something and wished you could have given less, or more ? And what do feel if you let them see you, really see you, and they still turned away? 

I want to know what a pragmatic person does. Is the *** less? Do you find yourself back on your feet quicker? Is the grieving process shorter, maybe non- existent? 

I am really not looking for advice but more to see how different people experience it, and ultimately bounce back. 

[Deleted Member]

The toughest part is the initial part

But I eventually moved on

 

Same thing happened to me 

Knowing that it's her bad not mine 

I deserve even better

[Deleted Member]

You pick yourself up, dust yourself down, take a breath and then try again. It's not easy for anyone no matter what they say, the only cure sadly is time.

[Katenka]

Breakup music or pump up music helps me. “Gives you Hell” for example by All American Rejects, “Fuck You” by Ceelo Green. Etc

Going for a drive or a run, & pumping the jams helps me center myself.

Anything that clears your head & gets the endorphins going, go do it.

[Deleted Member]

32 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

You pick yourself up, dust yourself down, take a breath and then try again. 

And what about the doubt in your choices my friend, since they were already so wrong? Do you still trust that your gut will still know best next time? 

[Deleted Member]

I listen to music to distract myself or do some meditation and mindfulness to clear my head. Time to reflect is good too, think about if there were any red flags, what’s important to you and what you’d like in future. 

hope this helps a little. 

[SolomanStrange]

Day by day it will get better and that's the best you can expect.

Cry it out. It's good to cry!

Careful with the icecream and chocolate and booze, but it does help.

Lots of self love put yourself 1st.

You will be up and down like a yoyo.

You will gradually come to terms with it

Bit by bit you will realise the holes and red flags that you had been ignoring.

Give it 3 weeks and you will getting back on track, give it a month and you be back to normal. 

Exercise sometimes helps.

6 weeks form now you will stronger, wiser, more resilient and more emotionally stable than you ever have been.

Its important to be grateful for what you had, be grateful for the *** and be grateful for being set free.

Look to the future and never look back.

😘😘😘

[gibo94]

The best thing you can do is just accept that you just weren’t compatible. Also if you doubt your choices then you will just have to learn from them and make better decisions in the future. I don’t believe they if just one person made for just one person, I believe they many are perfect for many. You will just have to be patient until another many comes along and stay strong

[Bo****]

Wise words,on which to ride forth into no regrets.🙏

[Deleted Member]

What choice do we have Swan? Do we wrap ourselves in cotton wool and hide away? You have to trust your gut but I like to think once we are ready to move on we are a little wiser.

[Leisa]

I would rather be rejected outright than have someone ghost me. I’ve come to the realization that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s alright. Once someone starts to know me and decides that it’s not going to work and vice verse then cut the ties and move forward knowing that eventually the right Dom will come along organically without me having to push anything or try to fit into someone else’s box. Be relieved it happens early instead of months down the road when you’re invested.

[Deleted Member]

Men get it more than women so we are used to it but it still hurt. It’s kind of failure or put your mind into doubt, have i done something wrong? How did I messed up? Etc. Even if we know lots of women like to play that game like if it’s their kink to mess around with Doms. Even experienced like me it happened.
It’s best to stay away from the site few days then start again...
ghosting is the worse type too.

Edited May 19, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

I'll be honest, I don't handle rejection of any kind well lol. I've come to the conclusion that I'll only have any perspective in hindsight so, to begin with I've just got to let the grief run its course, accept that it's a process I have to go through and just try and get on with life while it's doing its thing. In the end though I have always, without fail ended up seeing that that they weren't the right person, why it didn't work out and that it really was for the best. Then I could take that learning into the next experience and make the best of that, however it ended up. Hope this helps!

[pa****]

Men deserve it Because if not degraded they dont know where they belong....... Nothing good comes easy

[Deleted Member]

@***pleasure925 no one deserves to feel like crap after a break up or rejection. Unfortunately, as humans, we will all feel something and the comments below would all help.
*** that you're talking about would be consensual.....what @SwanNoir is talking about is genuine rejection I believe

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, sweet***sub said:

think about if there were any red flags,

Are they always there? If there are none? 

[SolomanStrange]

9 minutes ago, SwanNoir said:

Are they always there? If there are none? 

Always.  They will come to you!

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, gibo94 said:

I don’t believe they if just one person made for just one person, I believe they many are perfect for many.

I totally think the same. But I also know that it doesn’t happen often that such a person comes into your life. So when in does it stinks a lot when they don’t realise how rare it happens  . My light is so bright - why couldn’t he see that ... ( he was probably looking the other way, the bugger  🤷🏻‍♀️) 

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Donnykinkster said:

What choice do we have Swan? Do we wrap ourselves in cotton wool and hide away?

It depends on how much ice cream I have in the freezer! I can hide away forever. Especially now that I have a reason to 😉 x

[cautiousswitch]

It depends on the rejection.

If they were outright rude about it then better off without them.

If they give a reason for their rejection then I think about their reason.  If they think I did something wrong and I believe that they did then I try to make it right, remembering that this won't necessarily patch things up between us.  If I don't agree with their reason then I go my separate way, everyone's different. 

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, SwanNoir said:

Are they always there? If there are none? 

Not always no, I tend to go by my gut feeling, if something doesn’t sit right it means it’s not right for me. 

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, cautiousswitch said:

If they give a reason for their rejection then I think about their reason.

 What if one day you are everything and the next day you are not? But you don’t know why? 

Edited May 19, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, SwanNoir said:

It depends on how much ice cream I have in the freezer! I can hide away forever. Especially now that I have a reason to 😉 x

You have reason to learn a lesson, not hide away and anyway, ice cream always taste better when shared 😉x

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

You have reason to learn a lesson

What lesson would you learn? 
( I never share my ice cream. Wait, maybe that was it - I should have shared my ice cream 🤔)x

[Deleted Member]

The lesson? A sad one Swan, to trust less. To hold more back, protect that soft core better. I think life generally does that.