Married with different sexual tastes

[Deleted Member]

I have tried very much to get Into this space with my wife. Together we explored in our own home with light kink with restraints and edging. We went to a lifestyle club this weekend. Hoped to work into hotwife or swinging and even with the boundaries and open communication it didn't work. I am worried that we are not in the same space sexually and frankly it scares me a bit. She was instantly turned off watching other people having sex and the idea of having sex around others. I on the other hand was very turned on by the voyeur aspect of it all. Don't know how to proceed.

[Ca****]

Sounds to me like a serious conversation with your wife is due. You don't have to like all of the same things, but some real discussion about BOTH of your desires just may open up a middle ground for you. Really you can move forward together, or apart. That conversation, and your willingness to be honest with each other will determine which. I hope that is helpful.

[DeviantInside]

8 minutes ago, CasualPlay said:

Sounds to me like a serious conversation with your wife is due. You don't have to like all of the same things, but some real discussion about BOTH of your desires just may open up a middle ground for you. Really you can move forward together, or apart. That conversation, and your willingness to be honest with each other will determine which. I hope that is helpful.

Now whilst I do agree with this, ideally fully open and honest conversation is what works best… in reality there are always some things we are willing to compromise for someone for the other things they bring to you specifically. Only you know how important those things are… and also there is no guarantee that someone else can give those to you without you losing out in other areas. Ultimately you have to decide that for yourself as to what is most important for you, because no one else will ever know quite why it’s important to you (you may not know quite why yourself), and no one else knows what the things you’d be giving up for it either. It can and has worked out for people… it also has failed too. You have to decide for yourself what you genuinely need, want, would like, would be nice and would be a bonus… in that order. For you.

[DeviantInside]

2 minutes ago, LittleHottie said:

Tbh if it makes you happy do it anyways sorry not sorry. Like have fun 🤩 live laugh love ❤️ 👅

Now while this is great advice if there are no consequences…. You do have to weigh up what consequences you are happy to deal with in my opinion… not saying I am right or have the answers… just how I look at it.

[Ca****]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

Now while this is great advice if there are no consequences…. You do have to weigh up what consequences you are happy to deal with in my opinion… not saying I am right or have the answers… just how I look at it.

If your fun causes others ***, can you live with that? I can't

[Do****]

This is a seriously touchy subject, as witnessed by the wide range of responses already.

First, you have to decide if your relationship comes in front of your kink desires. Hard truth, but still truth. Then, if the relationship comes first? That hard conversation has to happen. I'd play it by ear, telling her everything you're interested in. I'd let her tell me what she liked and didn't like at the club, and try to find some middle ground. This is NOT gonna be a sitcom, where it's handled in 30 minutes. This could become days, weeks, or even months of conversations. But, if your relationship is the more important of the two? It has to be done.

If your kink is more important? Do what you want in regards to the sexual aspect of your life, with or without the divorce. It likely won't turn out well, but we're all adults here. We know life is often messy.

[Eg****]

39 minutes ago, LittleHottie said:

Tbh if it makes you happy do it anyways sorry not sorry. Like have fun 🤩 live laugh love ❤️ 👅

I highly doubt wifey is going to feel “live laugh love” if hubby goes ahead and does this. Marriages have responsibilities, responsibilities take work, and consequences happen if you don’t do the work. Why bother with marriage otherwise?

Put your work boots on and have the hard talk. From what you shared your wife has had a bad time exploring the things you like. Maybe let her lead the charge. Maybe find out if she’s struggling with unresolved sexual trauma.

DO THE WORK, OR LET HER GO.

[Deleted Member]

31 minutes ago, Domsolo said:

This is a seriously touchy subject, as witnessed by the wide range of responses already.

First, you have to decide if your relationship comes in front of your kink desires. Hard truth, but still truth. Then, if the relationship comes first? That hard conversation has to happen. I'd play it by ear, telling her everything you're interested in. I'd let her tell me what she liked and didn't like at the club, and try to find some middle ground. This is NOT gonna be a sitcom, where it's handled in 30 minutes. This could become days, weeks, or even months of conversations. But, if your relationship is the more important of the two? It has to be done.

If your kink is more important? Do what you want in regards to the sexual aspect of your life, with or without the divorce. It likely won't turn out well, but we're all adults here. We know life is often messy.

This is right down the way of what I was thinking.

@kinkyvoyeur87 - You WILL have to have that inner conversation with yourself to answer the conflicting question, "Is my desire to explore and play with others, worth potentially losing my wife?" This will of course lead you to that answer for you.

If the answer is, "No," then, there you go.

If the answer is, "Yes," then, you're a grown-up and can do as you please, recognizing the potential consequences.

If the answer sways, or is uncertain, having open conversations with your wife (being as transparent as possible), friends, and people in this community (doing exactly what you did here 🙂) to work through different points of view.

This is a hard question to face alone, I applaud you asking for help. I have had partners who answered both yes and no to themselves, no judgement from here at all.

Another idea I have is maybe bring to your wife while discussing her experience at the club, what expectations versus reality were different? What peaked her interest in going to the club to begin with? What kinky secrets does she have that she is still interested in trying, just the two of you? Make play time fun while exploring together. Maybe she felt uncomfortable because it can be jarring the first time you go, ESPECIALLY when you are new to this way of life.

🥰 Just my humble thoughts. Good luck!

[Se****]

It sounds like your wife is curious—her willingness to visit a lifestyle club and try some kink at home shows there’s genuine interest. Maybe the pace or setting wasn’t quite right for her. Instead of jumping back into the lifestyle scene, try easing into it with private roleplays over the next few weeks—stranger scenarios, teasing games, or power shifts.

[Jo****]

Maybe that big of a setting isn’t the vibe for her. Try something smaller. A couple or a set of couples.

[Se****]

One of my friend in FL who was in a live in relatiion before marriage for 3 years. Great sex and companionship. Then they got married. So when I asked him whats the difference now and earlier. He said only one difference - Sex is way less and not fun anymore. 😂

[To****]

Hello

[Juls-9491]

Hi