Why is it always the ones who don’t read, who shout the loudest?

[dr****]

Too long

[TR****]

3 hours ago, BourgeoisBlaque said:

This isn't kink related. This is how most males behave.

Read your profile, for what? The goal is to bend you to their will. Women are expected to lower their standards and expectations to appeal to the male gaze.

They feel entitled to the presence of a woman. They do as they wish regardless of her wants, needs and desires. They do as they wish regardless of how she responds. They will gaslight, love bomb, and future fake to get what they want and ghost or lose interest once they get it.

this doesn't happen all the time and not all men are like this so I just want people aware of that

[fa****]

Very well said

[CopperKnob]

2 hours ago, TREVisDISTURBED said:

this doesn't happen all the time and not all men are like this so I just want people aware of that

It's not all men till you have a daughter when you'll tell them that it is 😉

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, TREVisDISTURBED said:

this doesn't happen all the time and not all men are like this so I just want people aware of that

that’s why she said most. if you’re more worried abt defending yourself than listening then you’re part of the problem

[pa****]

Well said

[Pa****]

8 hours ago, oliver6996 said:

In all honesty, I’m actually starting to believe the males your talking about are actually real. It might sound a little strange, it it’s always quite peculiar how some people on this app say the exact same thing on profile pics, especially some males - maybe your right in your assumption that it’s laziness, or maybe this app is fooled with bots?

Although the idea that male bots are a thing is quite bizarre, and even I am doubtful this is a thing, but the responses I’ve seen males give to female profiles, just seem, well, the majority seem quite artificial.

As for their purpose, many bots for BDSM have been created, and maybe some of these bots can actually gather info on the type of conversations people who join this app would enjoy - but that’s highly speculative.

Still I do think there’s male and female bots on here, and that would explain the lack of reading profiles, although that could just be laziness as you said

I know nothing about bots, how they work, what their purpose is or what to expect.

[TR****]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

It's not all men till you have a daughter when you'll tell them that it is 😉

I actually wrote more but forgot we are adults and can't curse lol. but that is valid

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, TREVisDISTURBED said:

this doesn't happen all the time and not all men are like this so I just want people aware of that

Most males behave EXACTLY as I stated. When you start dating men, you will understand our plight.

[Ta****]

It's always soooo many men - and that is so hard to grasp for other men. We are not talking about a tiny minority of men>2%. Maybe it's not the majority of men, but it's a large chunk out of every male population who harrass women and girls. On apps they are easy to block - but it's also easier for them to get in our DMs without any respect, just with there wants.
And what I found funny in this discussion how participating men just went and checked female participants profiles TO PROVE THEM WRONG. To insult. To invalidate.
Sometimes I'm so nice and don't use the "No, thank you"- button, but do let them know I'm not interested and why (often because they did not read my profile). And THEN they do. To point out why my profile is wrong, to tell me how arrogant I am, to look for flaws and anything they think they can use to hurt me. Not all of them, but it does happen every other week.
Misogyny is rampant. And to the user thinking those might be bots - no. Those are very real profiles, usually with grammar and pics an AI would be offended to produce.

[Da****]

The I would, I could, I should has become a very strong trend in the community. To be 💯% honest I have done this too, until a true Dom friend who mentored me told me basically it is a consent ***. To impose any 3 of those sayings is basically interjecting yourself into something that should not have any interjecting. To me it is worse than any unwarranted touching.

The other thing that drives me crazy is when someone says "oh its just acsec site". That could be the farthest thing from the truth. No everyone is here to have sex.

[li****]

Thank you for finally saying it. It’s a huge problem on this site but it’s an echo of a larger issue in the world. We definitely deserve to be heard and respected. And then the ones who don’t read are the same ones spamming ridiculous hateful stuff when you don’t respond or trying to send pics without consent. Anything for any kind of reaction and it’s so disgusting

[Ra****]

Thank you for writing this!

[Tw****]

You should see my Snapchat. It's always hovering around 50+ unread messages for OF models wanting *** for nudes. Doesn't really measure up to abusive or vile messages but it's still f**king annoying. I'd consider both of these types of people as general scummy mentalities.

[Ge****]

I think kink in general attracts that kind of guy because he thinks that the setting makes it okay. Like “if she’s on a kink site she must like it when I act like she’s been my slave for years”. And men are already bad at reading things like that. But it sucks for women who have to deal with it. Hopefully you can block them all, report, and leave them behind.

[De****]

8 hours ago, TREVisDISTURBED said:

this doesn't happen all the time and not all men are like this so I just want people aware of that

It’s not all men but it definitely happens ALL the time. We are the ones receiving these messages, it’s dozens a day. I would call that all the time.

[im****]

I don't want to say it's all men but I guess for me it's okay to do that. No not really it's good for me because their a** is going to be blocked or put aside by the people that actually take the time and effort to find what we're looking for. So hopefully hopefully for the men that can read or at least know their boundaries we'll find what we want because of being blessed them dumba**es getting a shot. It doesn't matter what side anybody's on man or woman everybody deserves respect and if that can't be given then obviously they don't really even understand the lifestyle. The funny thing is always felt like I was a dominant guy to kind of find out that was more on the submissive side and I didn't realize that yet I do have to say it was never ***d upon me in that way had it been I'd probably be ***ed and in the same situation you are angry because they can't take a little bit of their day to read a f****** profile and have respect for another human being because in the long run man or woman that's what we all are human beings. make mistakes. But what them dumbass don't realize it's not a mistake on they're part is just showing who they really are.

[ju****]

Yeah it's always a man's fault yeah those bastards

[DarkArts1066]

That is a very insightful, and well written piece of work OP.

One of my own biggest bugbears, is being messaged by people who clearly haven’t read my profile.
They catch my interest with a sentence…. I reply, politely, thoughtfully, possibly not immediately, but as soon as I possibly can….

And then it becomes clear that they are on a ‘fishing trip’ of some description, and go on to ask me what I am into….. how old I am….. do I like such and such.

It’s pretty much all there…..
You know, in the profile it took me an hour to write.

I would love to go back to a time where people met - face to face, in pubs, and chatted each other up.

It was more - honest.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

One of my own biggest bugbears, is being messaged by people who clearly haven’t read my profile.
They catch my interest with a sentence…. I reply, politely, thoughtfully, possibly not immediately, but as soon as I possibly can….

In this kinda case - you're being hit usually by a scammer. Which sucks, of course.  But the signs are there - and it's somewhat different to being set inappropriate sexually fantasies

9 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said:

I would love to go back to a time where people met - face to face, in pubs, and chatted each other up.

Believe it or not... they still do.  All the time.

And for kink specific, there are munches.  

[ey****]

19 hours ago, Soya said:

It doesn’t seem to matter how a woman presents herself, whether she’s a Top, a bottom, a switch, or something else entirely, there’s always a man who storms in, declaring what he wants to do to her, regardless of what she’s actually said.

I'd add in - even if the person has read and understood the profile - sending explicit sexual fantasies is never appropriate; and I'm sorry this happens.

 

A mixed bag between guys not reading profiles.  Reading but then seeing it as a challenge.  Reading but then projecting their version of you.

or of course, hoping if they send their sexual fantasy to enough people one won't be repulsed by it and give him a reply.  The classic numbers game - and it fucking sucks :/ 

[Da****]

16 hours ago, jaykkolins said:

Well there is that! And There’s the flashy, pop-culture version of BDSM the Fifty Shades of Grey all polished, and a bit shallow. It plays with the idea of kink but misses the real depth behind it.

Then there’s someone like Marquis de Sade, who wrote book after book, not just about sex, but about power, cruelty, freedom, and how twisted human nature can be!!
It’s kind of sad that his work is still misunderstood, while some young person today might rush into “submission” thinking it’s just sexy roleplay, without realizing how deep, dark, and complex that kind of surrender can really be

I call it 50 shades of bullshit. That is exactly what it is.

[DarkArts1066]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Believe it or not... they still do.  All the time.

And for kink specific, there are munches.  

I believe this to be true… but not always in the same way it was, say, back in the eighties.

These days people have too many worries, such as trying to figure out the agenda of the person I’m they are chatting with.

I do go to munches from time to time, and enjoy them very much -I have to say.

But they are specifically for likeminded people … and I was thinking back to people-watching across the pub floor, catching someone’s eye, perhaps being brave enough to ask them if they would like a drink (unspiked - of course)
and then playing Mongoose and Cobra for an hour or two as the sexual tension rises - or not, depending on the moment.

For me, going to a munch, and talking kink isn’t quite the same as going to the pub for a pint, and spotting that one person in the bar……

Scammers are a whole new ballgame…..
Well, a whole new game anyway.

Have you ever tried scamming (or outing) a scammer ?
It’s great fun if you have a bit of time to kill.

[Rainydaye88]

Isn't it so wild to have to tell so many men to learn how to not be a crap human? Lol

I've updated and pinned a post in my profile and then removed men as a preference JUST because of this behavior. It's honestly been so peaceful for me. I'm certainly not saying that's the correct response, but at least reducing the possibility of it happening has helped me not get exhausted by 1 gender because of a (very loud and very wrong) minority.

[Co****]

The audacity is strong around here.