12**** Posted July 1 Have you ever seen or heard of someone who had such a bad or traumatic experience with bdsm, kink, or fetish that they quit all of it? I just did and not only that but he did it a few days before what was gonna be a crazy as fu## birthday party for him at a bdsm club where he would be having a threesome with me and one of the hottest bit###s in Chicago. Idk what happened but I pray that it never happens to me. I dont want to know how bad something would have to be for me to quit. Does anyone else know someone this happened to or how do we help? He doesn't seem like hes even here half the time anymore.
Tackyman24 Posted Wednesday at 03:26 AM I did about 5 years ago but I got over it after a year hiatus
DarkArts1066 Posted Wednesday at 06:48 AM Whatever his bad or traumatic experience may have been, it sounds like he’s processing what has happened to make him behave in the way that he is. All you can really do - for now, is keep a watchful eye on him, and be there to help if he asks for or needs it. Trauma affects all of us on different ways - sometimes minutely. That’s one of the reasons that PTSD can be hard to manage -or treat. In time he may need someone close to talk through things with him … perhaps that might be you ? In any case, it’s important not to pressurise him into talking, all that usually does is make people withdraw further into themselves. The best advice I can give for now is this: If he sees you as a trusted friend, try to find a way to let him know that you are there for him - IF he needs someone to confide in. But do not pressurise him in any way. I hope he can work through his anguish.
Ne**** Posted Wednesday at 07:13 AM 25 minutes ago, DarkArts1066 said: Whatever his bad or traumatic experience may have been, it sounds like he’s processing what has happened to make him behave in the way that he is. All you can really do - for now, is keep a watchful eye on him, and be there to help if he asks for or needs it. Trauma affects all of us on different ways - sometimes minutely. That’s one of the reasons that PTSD can be hard to manage -or treat. In time he may need someone close to talk through things with him … perhaps that might be you ? In any case, it’s important not to pressurise him into talking, all that usually does is make people withdraw further into themselves. The best advice I can give for now is this: If he sees you as a trusted friend, try to find a way to let him know that you are there for him - IF he needs someone to confide in. But do not pressurise him in any way. I hope he can work through his anguish. What a considerate response.
Th**** Posted Wednesday at 10:32 AM My experience: I have PTSD and met someone for a kink ~ D/s relationship. He was new to it all, in an unhealthy relationship, and I don't know what happened but I have a small clue which may now show as the biggest red flags. I told this man I wasn't healthy enough to conduct this type of relationship with him and that I really needed us to stop what we were doing, I feel he found ways to come back and sort of talk me into hanging out with him again, which again should have been a red flag, since I am very aware of my own mental illness. In any event, 3 times we met up, it was basically after I had tried to tell him we need to stop, he ended up slapping me very hard across my face, enough that my face vibrated and I felt *** on the opposite side and at one point I lost hearing. Now on a side note, at one point I did allow face slapping and we did a test at negotiations on how hard and I agreed to a very mild one time during sexy time a face slap. I felt guilty because I allowed it once but not that hard, when I talked to him about it he stated that he must not know his own strength and he didn't think he hit me that hard, and then stated after the second time, maybe stop pushing me away. I froze in *** reading that, asking myself what in the fuck did I actually get myself into and I stopped seeing him for months. Until another Boohoo text and another broken moment of hurt because of watching my mom struggle with cancer. We met at the park, he immediately slapped me again in his car, I was done. I left, angry and feeling deep shame in myself for allowing this jerk off to do it again. So needless to say this dances in my Pandora's box of horrors that I already have to deal with and I blocked him EVERYWHERE! He makes new numbers to contact me but he stays blocked. Nope I'll never in life see him again. About your experience: I'm seriously very very damn sorry that people who behave in unhealthy ways find people to prey on. Whatever he did it must not have been good and I do hope you heal from it soon. Please don't lose faith in our community or some of its inhabitants not all of us are bad. Hugs.
Th**** Posted Wednesday at 10:56 AM And on how to help: there are kink friendly therapists if the trama is that deep, I miss read the message as the original poster having an experience. Since its the other person the best you can do is allow him his time to come out about what may have happened, he may someday feel comfortable enough to share it or may not, if not he may need a break from kink, as to further avoid any triggering events or feeling as if he may be reliving something awful. Either way this is why I am a huge believer in safe and sane play, nobody knows how something is gonna make you feel and god forbid something deeply rooted awful happened to him and that same sickening *** comes back to haunt him and ruined any fun he wanted to have. Maybe just being there for him is good? Best of luck on this. My heart is with y'all.
my**** Posted Wednesday at 12:10 PM I can tell you what it would take for me to wrap it all up in one go, if I was hauled in for DV. No safeword a good time had by all and then the next day police show up to my door. That would do it for me.
Ne**** Posted Wednesday at 03:48 PM 4 hours ago, TheHuntressAuerlia said: And on how to help: there are kink friendly therapists if the trama is that deep, I miss read the message as the original poster having an experience. Since its the other person the best you can do is allow him his time to come out about what may have happened, he may someday feel comfortable enough to share it or may not, if not he may need a break from kink, as to further avoid any triggering events or feeling as if he may be reliving something awful. Either way this is why I am a huge believer in safe and sane play, nobody knows how something is gonna make you feel and god forbid something deeply rooted awful happened to him and that same sickening *** comes back to haunt him and ruined any fun he wanted to have. Maybe just being there for him is good? Best of luck on this. My heart is with y'all. Thank You for sharing. 🤎💜🤎
Pe**** Posted Friday at 12:47 AM It's been said, but just be available. Let them know they are not alone by offering to hang out without trying to convince them they should. Offer to listen if they want to talk, instead of asking them to tell you about it. Their trust was used against them. You have to let them rebuild what trust they can share on their own schedule. . Just the opinion of somebody recovering from PTSD after years of mental, emotional, and physical *** from multiple individuals. That includes being r4ped by a female who identifies as submissive and is known to promote ideas like no means no within my local community. After being betrayed, seeing behind people's masks, it can be a Sisyphean task trying to trust people again. Even the ones you thought were safe before.
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