EARN It: The Real Gift

[Cade]

As a collective, the BDSM community is second to none in trying to educate and protect individuals entering this community. In any given BDSM forum, a person can read near endless articles on how to keep themselves safe, taken from the perspective of vastly diverse dynamics. These may be simple reminders of common sense to extensively outlined conjecture on how to live "the Life" you desire. Some of these messages are timeless and near cliché, applicable to everyone; while others focus upon the specific safety and understanding of a particular lifestyle and only pertinent to that style of living. Of course, the latter becomes problematic (and perhaps even damaging) when applied as a community standard, as every dynamic is ultimately different - personalized to those participating in that relationship.

Maybe you believe that submission is a gift or that the submissive really holds all the power. Perhaps you're looking to own someone to explore your desires without limits. It could all be just role play for you, and for others, it could be their entire state of being. Whether you are a "weekend warrior" or Leatherperson, you have a place in this community; your opinion is valid (but may only be useful to those that share your perspective on the lifestyle). This creates a unique dilemma: If you voice your opinion, you have a responsibility to make sure it doesn't belittle or negate any other individuals, lifestyle dynamics, or subgroup of BDSM. I think we can all agree BDSM should not be used as a platform to support intolerance and prejudice.

With so many different ways to live this amazing lifestyle and so many levels of participation, how do we offer prolific advice that doesn't potentially undermine the freedom of diversity? May I offer for your consideration a simple phrase: EARN it. For those of you into catchy acronyms, you're in luck! EARN represents a basic flow of growth: Education, Awareness, Reform/Readjust/Rebuild, and Nurture.

Education is multifaceted, but indicates the point of initial learning of ones desires that grows into further research; this could be in the form of an intense fantasy you just can't shake, work of fiction that arouses your attention, or even traumatic experiences most people would much rather forget than fixate on. As education continues, awareness of fetish or kink/mentality or intrinsic design is discovered which then may be accepted or contended (in some cases). Self awareness may require one to reform their behavior, readjust their social and personal perspective, or even rebuild their identity and character, completely. No less important, one must nurture their understanding of self and how they interact with the world around them, often repeating the process many times.

The more practical thinkers may be wondering: how does someone "earn it"? Simplifying the concepts into an example individual to fit the article theme, they would develop an insatiable desire to learn and self improve. Their self awareness would lead to ownership of personal responsibility, being able to see the scope of how choices and actions affect themselves and others. They will make identifying their weakness and shortcomings almost habit, being enriched by progress - rather than reluctant to change. Self care and creating supportive methods to continue positive and beneficial cycles will also be common behavior.

Additionally when you earn it, there are excellent side effects! Earning it requires a time investment, often creating an abundance of time to build trust and prove character, as well as, weeding out many individuals with unwanted or unrequited expectations. Having a focus of earning what is desired may intensify the connection with others which often offers deeper relationships with them. Perhaps most significant, earning it has the ability to instill confidence - it is pretty difficult to belittle or negate something you know you have earned. This form of confidence has its own uniqueness, which is why those that earn it seem so obviously (yet elusively) different.

All you have to do is add the "it":
What to be a slave? EARN it.
What to have the respect of being a dominant? EARN it.
You want to tie people up and beat them? EARN it.
Want to have casual sex with multiple consenting people? EARN it.
Insert your desire - then, EARN it.

[Li****]

Wow... just.. wow. I kinda love this style of perspective. Really well written and comprehensible. May I take your post and translate it for the german forum of this site?

[Deleted Member]

Thank you Cade.

[phoenixinflames]

Absolutely spot on Cade! I love this!

[Wo****]

@Cade "Perhaps most significant, earning it has the ability to instill confidence - it is pretty difficult to belittle or negate something you know you have earned. This form of confidence has its own uniqueness, which is why those that earn it seem so obviously (yet elusively) different."

This made me cry. In a good way.

It applies to everything, not just bdsm.

 

 

[Cade]

@Liv_92 I would be incredibly honored! Thank you.

[Shenna]

Great article Cade 

[Th****]

@Cade That was outstanding! The concept and application had me smiling and nodding at every point. Great work as always.

[le****]

Thank you for another great article, Cade! Self exploration has always been rather difficult for me, so I appreciate the guide and handy dandy acronym. I think it's time I start taking myself and my attraction to the community more seriously in the future. And as always, look forward to anything you put out next!

[Jinxy-5083]

Wonderful! Don’t even have anything to add! How’s that for well written haha. 

[Leisa]

I love how you use an acronym to hit your points home. You’re right on every point you made with the main focus on education in all forms. It’s those who have not taken the time to earn it that bring dishonor to a community I’m proud to be a part of. Your insight and maturity in the community is invaluable to anyone seeking to earn it and become a strong representative of everything involved in becoming the best member of the BDSM society as a whole. Earning it has shown many of us the importance of our position and responsibility to help guide those who have reached out to request our guidance and assistance in becoming the best Dom or sub they can be. Great article. I’m honored to be part of your community.

[Th****]

You can tell this one worked well Cade I think I have seen 'EARN it' mentioned in about 3 other threads.

A new acronym is born 👶