Popular Post Ma**** Posted July 12 Popular Post Thoughts on how flexible you think you can or should be about your kinks when getting involved with someone. To clarify, I enjoy the Caregiver role but brat taming can be a bit of a minefield I'd rather avoid. The real issue is communication. If I'm getting to know someone else it would be swell if they communicated their expectations instead of making me guess what they want. They're are so many different people and ways of enjoying kink that a guessing game is like a walk through a minefield with a blindfold on, while ***. So what are your thoughts? How flexible are you with your kinks, and how laid back are you with others that have similar but different ways of expressing the same kinks?
PL**** Posted July 12 Me personally, I'm very specific to my needs if someone isn't into fulfilling needs then I have to really think about what is a need vs. a desire
Fi**** Posted July 12 I honestly think most can’t grasp you proper words and or the way to say it. And texting is an absolute horrible way to try to connect with people. No tone of voice. You don’t get to see body language or feel their emotions when they talk about something. We don’t talk in black and white. It’s all shades of gray.
Ha**** Posted July 12 I’m pretty open when it comes to kinks, but it really depends on the communication. Bratting isn’t something I just do; it’s a dynamic that gets built once there’s trust and consent in place. With my Dom, we took our time. Talked through things, checked in, moved slow. That’s how I discovered flogging and that I have a bit of a p@in kink…he made me feel safe exploring it. So yeah, I’m flexible but I need real connection and clarity first.
Oralhog Posted July 12 Depends on your role ultimately. I won't compromise on certain things but will relax on others. I understand a sub may have had bad experiences with anal so I can back off and try to push those boundaries at a later time. But if a sub says she won't suck dick than I'm out. What is ultimately important to you and your satisfaction level?
do**** Posted July 12 I mean upfront communication is key. If you have items that are hard No’s or things that are must haves it’s important to communicate that.
Ma**** Posted July 12 Author Mostly my example was of someone that claimed her kink was being tamed and DD/lg but was actually playing mind games to wear a man down. I left that out because it wasn't a question about abusive people but it was a situation that inspired me to ask the community how they approach kink disclosure and discussion with a new partner. In my specific encounter I mentioned, she insisted on "a natural discovery process through spending time together." Which seems like a red flag now. I'd prefer an open talk with clear communication. The alternative seems like fertile ground for bigger problems than I experienced. Any other thoughts?
littlemiss37 Posted July 12 Clear communication from both sides is the key.I am.a switch and could only switch when met my bf of here because I feel comfortable xx
MasterTalathian47342 Posted July 12 Kinks can be fluid. I can choose i enjoy anal then have something happen and choose to never do it again. On the other hand maybe I had a incident growing up and would never consider it then I met someone that takes time and explore slowly (with my consent of course) and I decide it's ok. That's why their are limits and they can be hard or soft and can change with experience, exposure and knowledge.
ey**** Posted July 13 Multiple lines of context For example how important an element is to them or me what the overall relationship would look like. I guess for the best part I can be quite flexible because most of my meets are for play, so if there is a deal breaker for either we can work around it.
Th**** Posted July 13 I feel like your original question of how flexible do people think they can or should be about their kinks is separate from what you might actually be trying to process with regards to the specific incident you've mentioned. My answer to the question asked is similar to what @eyemblacksheep said. It depends on context. Flexibility in learning about and possibly exploring new things is important and should be ongoing imo. I'm certain about a lot of things at this point, some I'm flexible with depending on circumstances. If we're talking more casual dynamics or just play (I don't do pick up play or one offs) I'm more flexible than in a more involved D/s dynamic. I'm flexible in different ways in the context of wanting or being into different things with different people. My interests, likes and wants are pretty widely varied and it's difficult to imagine a scenario where they'd all apply with a single individual since some of those things might be pretty challenging to combine. I'm a person first, kink second kinkster. Are we compatible as just two people and do I like them as an individual enough to want to spend time with them? After that it's a matter of figuring out what parts of my interests might apply to them and if that's compatible with what theirs are. So the TL:DR is I'm pretty flexible overall because I'm into such a variety, which isn't the case for everyone. As for your specific situation, it sounds like it was a bit of a mess and the issue was much more about transparency and communication rather than flexibility. My guess of possibilities would be she's lacking in good/healthy communication skills, is new, under/uninformed, didn't know what she wanted, might have been struggling with frenzy, might have been romanticizing the idea of what she thinks BDSM is or should be rather than reality, which circles back to lack of education/information.
Do**** Posted July 13 You can be as flexible or inflexible as you’re comfortable with. Majority of the time a person will start with only liking one or two things. But as they do them more, they start thinking of other things they’re developing the confidence or intrigue to try. Things evolve. So how much you are open to when you start in a dynamic with someone should be exactly what you feel comfortable with. And don’t ever feel pressured to expand that if you don’t want. You’re fine exactly as you are!!!
Do**** Posted July 13 I would also say you absolutely need the other person to express their kinks with you. You cannot start a journey with them without knowing how they tick, what they enjoy, how they experience it all and what they want to feel from it. You need them to talk openly with you. I would have that as a requirement of engagement. If they can’t be open with you then they don’t get to meet you. I don’t move people into WhatsApp until I’ve sussed them out and understand who they are and where they’re coming from with all of it. Then I know if we fit and what they want from me.
Da**** Posted July 14 A lot of people change their kinks like they change their clothes. The thing about kinks is this, they constantly evolve. One day someone may like their toes licked and the next they don't because it tickles to much. Yes I do agree and understand that communication is important, but how can you communicate something that is evolving. Kinks change with the person. Kinks are also experienced based. How many times have you started doing your kink and realized you want more or less of it? It is important that you communicate your experience with your kink. I would prioritize kinks. I would take the things that I love and put them at the top and then work my way down. Also I think there is a big discrepancy between kinks and fetishes. I think that you have to figure out which is which. Also remember your kinks aren't everyone's kinks. Like my friend up there that said if someone isn't down for oral he's out. What if that isn't their kink, but you guys have other kinks in common?? That is kind of shallow if you ask me. Anyways a lot of kinks are self reflection. Figure out what your kinks are then build from there. Figure out what are kinks and what are fetishes.
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