Am I too soft for wanting some affection returned from a sub unrelated to how I treat them or make them feel?

[BigPeppyDaddy]

Title. I’ve been in enough of these situations to now wonder if I’m the issue or even just being dramatic.

[PL****]

No, in my past dom/sub relationships (been in the life for 26 years), giving my pleasure some affection outside of their treatment of me was super important to our relationships. It created a greater bond between us (no matter what type of relationship it was). I think that affection should be a given whether ur sitting on the couch together, not in a dom/sub session, or while in a session. We all have a psychological need to be loved and to be shown that love. So no, you are not too soft wanting that, and it's okay to ask for what you need and communicate to a partner that this is a need for you.

[PL****]

*Mind you this is from a submissive's perspective I would be curious what other pleasure doms opinions will be.

[in****]

Too soft? Of course not. It certainly would depend on how harshly a Dominant treats his Submissive, and if there is no affection shown from the Dom himself as that may effect how much affection a Sub would want to show their Dom, but I’m sure you show affection, hence the want for some back, right…?
Us Dominants aren’t programmed machines devoid of emotion and feeling. We’re human too. Yes, we must be strong and stern and able to lead and guide in this harsh world. And also discipline and set out the structure of the dynamic, but that does not mean we don’t enjoy an affectionate connection too. In fact, a dynamic filled with mutual affection shown is next level stuff.

[Qu****]

Aftercare, in whatever form you require, is needed for both tops & bottoms. This should be discussed in your negotiation. If you or your partner can't provide that aftercare then you probably shouldn't be playing together.

[bbc***r]

Nah just most women on here are deadfishes and use the excuse of being subs

[Deleted Member]

No not at all ....all my subs give me affection after or even before. I also give affection and I can be harsh and degrading during play time but after I love the cuddles they give me and kisses.

[AmieJ]

You deserve your aftercare as well

[PL****]

17 minutes ago, bbc***r said:

Nah just most women on here are deadfishes and use the excuse of being subs

Why so negative?

[PL****]

That aftercare is important for both parties

[AmieJ]

22 minutes ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said:

Why so negative?

Facts!

[ha****]

Depends on what you all talked about prior. You can’t say * I’m the boss you fu****g listen or else! Then be like why won’t you say nice things to me*

But you’re human.. humans want love affection and attention. It’s in our nature.

[ra****]

Aftercare is important for everyone involved.

[ja****]

I think you should twist the scenario a bit and try to engage your sub emotionally, and see how it goes, and read your sub affections language, it might be there but you haven’t noticed

[ja****]

Like literally you can say to your sub, im feeling bad right now do your best to make me feel better and work your way till they hit your soft spots.. of-course they will be confused at forst but once they start engaging and you reacted well they will embrace it

[AmieJ]

5 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

I think you should twist the scenario a bit and try to engage your sub emotionally, and see how it goes, and read your sub affections language, it might be there but you haven’t noticed

We all do have a different love language

[ja****]

4 minutes ago, AmieJ said:

We all do have a different love language

We do, but not every one is capable of reading it! Sometimes it isn’t enough sometimes its overwhelming, but there is a language and D/s relationship should take that into consideration more often.. reminds me of a song by Elton John
”your song”

[th****]

How is it soft to want affection?

[co****]

Dom life is a life of leading, guidance, nurturance, structure, discipline and consistency. Feeling emotional toll/fatigue is completely normal, because just as you recognise your sub has needs, so too do you as their Dom. Turning to your partner for connection and affection is the mainstay of any decent dynamic of both substance and longevity, for Doms and subs! The kink aspect is the spicy topping that makes it unique to you both!

Tl;dr: No it doesn't make you soft, it makes you human

[Do****]

9 hours ago, PLEASEandTEASEme said:

No, in my past dom/sub relationships (been in the life for 26 years), giving my pleasure some affection outside of their treatment of me was super important to our relationships. It created a greater bond between us (no matter what type of relationship it was). I think that affection should be a given whether ur sitting on the couch together, not in a dom/sub session, or while in a session. We all have a psychological need to be loved and to be shown that love. So no, you are not too soft wanting that, and it's okay to ask for what you need and communicate to a partner that this is a need for you.

I completely agree with this! I have felt only wanted for the kink service I can provide to a sub, for what I can make them feel, for it being so difficult to find a lifestyle Domme. Not wanted for the rest of me. What’s said here is how I feel.

[Do****]

6 hours ago, jaykkolins said:

Like literally you can say to your sub, im feeling bad right now do your best to make me feel better and work your way till they hit your soft spots.. of-course they will be confused at forst but once they start engaging and you reacted well they will embrace it

I like this idea. I think initially some subs would start giving oral or finding a kink scene they think would be enjoyable for me. But eventually they could be taught to provide nurture for a Domme.

[Do****]

5 hours ago, conor_bell1994 said:

Dom life is a life of leading, guidance, nurturance, structure, discipline and consistency. Feeling emotional toll/fatigue is completely normal, because just as you recognise your sub has needs, so too do you as their Dom. Turning to your partner for connection and affection is the mainstay of any decent dynamic of both substance and longevity, for Doms and subs! The kink aspect is the spicy topping that makes it unique to you both!

Tl;dr: No it doesn't make you soft, it makes you human

And this!!!

[ja****]

4 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

I like this idea. I think initially some subs would start giving oral or finding a kink scene they think would be enjoyable for me. But eventually they could be taught to provide nurture for a Domme.

Once i had similar encounter, i ended up writing poems all night 😀 she liked the gesture she didnt like the poems

[Salacious67]

It’s important for all parties involved to receive aftercare and certainty not soft at all for the Dom or Domme feel the need for affection, whether this be just in a play partner situation or within a full D/s relationship. If  there is no after care or affection provided and certainly even more so in a full relationship, then this should be a red flag in my opinion. The basis should be on naturing a relationship and dynamic, while providing support to the Top with affection and aftercare just as importantly as with the sub to ensure there is no drop and to create stronger bonds….we’re all human! 

[ey****]

I feel there might be a little context missing.  But

Everyone's wants and needs in a relationship, dynamic - or even casual play - is important

if yours are not being met, then there is an issue.  Where the issue lies again depends on context, for example how reasonable your expectations are, but crucially - to dig out that buzz phrase, 'communication is key', if there is something you're not happy with then, communicate this.

This could be laying out your expectations, or ask what would be required from you in order for them to do something