Forum or chat?

[sm****]

I know what you mean, people forget there can be a very serious and dark side to chat... We are talking to people all over the world and people hide behind the pc screen and create a persona to lul you in to a false sense of security.   I have come across peados, rapists and worse in those years.  You do have to have a mental thick skin to cope at times.  Especially when you op a regular used room.

[sm****]

1 minute ago, BlushingFlush said:

Respectfully, you completely misunderstood me. I didn't say I was there simply to meet people but rather that it did not have such an added bonus. Regardless if you are just trying to converse or "pick someone up", the chat moves way too rapidly to actually discuss a decent subject. That's why most of it is mundane, because every time someone new walks in for instance the dialogue is just "hi user x", etc.

Oh i know what you mean, one reason I never do Hi and bye, as it can seem like that at times.  When it gets like that i just bug out and check back later.  But then i'm only there to pass time and have the odd laugh.

[Wo****]

3 minutes ago, smeagol said:

and people hide behind the pc screen and create a persona to lul you in to a false sense of security.   I have come across peados, rapists and worse in those years.  You do have to have a mental thick skin to cope at times. 

Absolutely.

 

 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, smeagol said:

Oh i know what you mean, one reason I never do Hi and bye, as it can seem like that at times.  When it gets like that i just bug out and check back later.  But then i'm only there to pass time and have the odd laugh.

To be honest I bugged out and checked back later lots of time, more often than not it's the same. I just see it overall as a waste of time. This is going to sound a little harsh but people that really love it and can't help but to spend 24/7 there are mostly vapid. They have a totally different idea what an interesting conversation is to me and I am actually not that full of myself like someone who would only ever talk about philosophy & science for instance but I just don't see in what universe I could relate to these people or why it would ever be worth it.

Edited July 20, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Wo****]

4 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

To be honest I bugged out and checked back later lots of time, more often than not it's the same. I just see it overall as a waste of time. This is going to sound a little harsh but people that really love it and can't help but to spend 24/7 there are mostly vapid. They have a totally different idea what an interesting conversation is to me and I am actually not that full of myself like someone who would only ever talk about philosophy & science for instance but I just don't see in what universe I could relate to these people or why it would ever be worth it.

Hey!

I like philosophy and science!

 

[sm****]

Chatrooms aren't to everyone's tastes, you go in feel it or don't.  Nobody ***s anyone to be in or stay.  It's obviously not for you.  I don't judge people for using them, just their actions to others  while in them at times.

[BeardedSi]

Blushing,

I have to disagree with you Bout there being no decent conversations in the chat rooms. I have been part of many, many discussions and topics that have been both enlightening and thought provoking. Granted it isn't always like that in the same way that every topic in the forums isn't. 

People expect others to provide the topics and the conversation yet are not willing to add to or raise topics of their own. Also you have to bare in mind that the people in the room may not have knowledge of the topic bring raised or may not be into it so may not wish to join in. 

[Deleted Member]

11 minutes ago, Bounty said:

Hey!

I like philosophy and science!

 

As long as you don't only talk about that is what I was saying.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, BeardedSi said:

I have to disagree with you Bout there being no decent conversations in the chat rooms. I have been part of many, many discussions and topics that have been both enlightening and thought provoking.

Eh, I have to roll my eyes at a lot of it because it often comes across as someone that's just showing off, being kinda pretentious and not really knowing what they are talking about. It can be a bit r/Im14andthisisdeep and even if you're an expert, like I said, it's not enough to just be someone who only ever talks about philosophy or science. You need someone that's balanced and can approach a broad array of subjects from different angles - to me, those kinds come across way more "deep" but without really trying to be. For me and my personality type, forum discussion is just a lot more natural and intuitive. I even enjoy arguing actually. The tone of discussion often doesn't phase me as long as it's not malicious.

[Wo****]

14 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

I even enjoy arguing actually

No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You?

Argue?

😋

[Jinxy-5083]

I have to agree with @BeardedSi. You get out of it what you put into it, same as with the forum. If someone is just sitting there, lurking in chat/forum, hoping a conversation they feel is worth their time will spontaneously happen, chances are they’ll be disappointed. Conversation gets generated by someone introducing something that another can respond to. I’ve seen several instances of people who come into chat with a specific question and others in the chat were more than happy to switch and add to the new topic. Veterans of chat, I’m sure, get tired of having to keep a fresh new topic all the time to keep it interesting for newcomers. Newcomers should also carry some of the responsibility of participating. Same can be said for the forum, if there isn’t a current thread that covers the desired topic, create one. 
 

Whether it’s chat or forum, I think group interactions are really interesting, especially on sites like this. They are a great way to see how someone interacts and behaves with others which can tell a lot about someone. 

[Carnelian2]

9 hours ago, smeagol said:

Chatrooms aren't to everyone's tastes, you go in feel it or don't.  Nobody ***s anyone to be in or stay.  It's obviously not for you.  I don't judge people for using them, just their actions to others  while in them at times.

Well, that is why I have never gotten used to them. I also tried out the old IRC many moons ago - still not my thing. Much prefer one on one conversation and accept that some conversations fizzle out. Having said that, I have had some really interesting chats with a few people. I doubt, I would be able to get the same depth in a chat room. Then again, some people like it, and that is just fine. 

[Deleted Member]

When I first joined I used chat a fair bit and that’s how I met some people. So it can be great for that. There are times it lags and times the conversation is awesome. As I grew in confidence I joined forum posts and started a few of my own. I like to join the weekly munch and check in on the forum to be part of the community. But atm its school holidays in the UK and I have my hands full!

[Leisa]

21 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

Most of the subjects on chat are incredibly mundane and for me personally not a useful tool to meet people, I could never understand how people get their rocks off on it.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Maybe stop in at various times. When chat is quieter and there are fewer people involved those that are tend to have topical discussions on an intellectual and insightful manner. For those times when there are a lot of individuals the chat seems to fly by on daily life stuff and while I can see how that could be termed as mundane to some allows for interactive conversation among others. Maybe try stopping in at various times. If there is not a topical discussion going on ask what the topic is upon entering the room and if there is not one make a suggestion as to what would be a good and interesting topic to you. Frankly those of us who are in there frequently it gets tiring to try to come up with topics all the time.

[Leisa]

Being someone who is mostly in chat for various reasons I can see how daunting it can be for someone new walking into a room. Hence one of the reasons everyone is greeted when the walk into the room. Not only does it make the newcomers feel welcome and accepted it tells them that they were important enough to be acknowledged regardless of who they are. Does this interrupt the flow of the conversation? Yes! Does it cut down in the amount of trolling? Again Yes! That being said the chat format will never be for everyone just like the forum will not be for everyone. I try to split my time between the two by dropping by the forum throughout the day to see if there are topics which interest me and that I can add to. I’ve read comments on this thread that referenced a bullying type of behavior in the lobby or a clique factor. I must say lately that I’ve seen most of the unacceptable behavior lately in the forum. While I adore the forum and the ability to offer my unfettered opinion, I will always love the chat rooms as that is where I feel the deeper connections are made. To echo what I’ve read above, you get out of all forms on the site what you put into them. You don’t like the forum posts then put up something that interests you. You don’t like general conversation and catching up with friends while trying to welcome newer members into the community than by all means come in and suggest a topic. Nine times out of ten if the chat is too busy for that topic and there are enough members trying to enter into the topical conversation a premium member can and will open up a separate chat room where only the topic and spider topics are discussed.

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday at 09:19 PM, BlushingFlush said:

Most of the subjects on chat are incredibly mundane and for me personally not a useful tool to meet people, I could never understand how people get their rocks off on it.

Because the point is NOT to get your rocks off, it’s to chat to other people in the kink community. Yep, it’s sometimes mundane. And sometimes talking about what you had for dinner is what people need.

[sm****]

I think a great deal "not all"  of new members who pop on any fetish site, come on thinking it's going to be full on fet 24/7.  People forget we are real people in a real world and socialise with each other in the same way we would in a vanilla setting.  

If you could hear the mundane bullshit that comes out in my ***r group lol...but the thing is, we get to know these people, start to feel relaxed and we don't need full on Fet intensity 24/7, people in the scene sometimes need that mundane downtime.

 

[Carnelian2]

3 hours ago, smeagol said:

I think a great deal "not all"  of new members who pop on any fetish site, come on thinking it's going to be full on fet 24/7.  People forget we are real people in a real world and socialise with each other in the same way we would in a vanilla setting. 

Of course, I love to connect with people about what is going on in their lives. I just don't do forums for the same reason that I don't tend to go into a room and immediately engage with everyone ... :)

[ElleFire]

On 7/20/2020 at 3:38 PM, Bounty said:

Hey!

I like philosophy and science!

 

I like science too!  

I at much of my development as a kinkster (specifically a sub) to people I met in the chat room, many of whom I then met IRL. So for me much of the appeal of chat is catching up with friends and making new friends. 

I do like the forum as well, but often get sucked in and lose track of time! 

both have their place....  But I digress.... SCIENCE!

[Deleted Member]

On 7/20/2020 at 6:45 AM, JustTheBlockingDom said:

I pay more attention to the forum now than I did before. I still pop into chat and lurk, but it has become a theatre of toxic behaviour that I don't want to be a part of it. The forum seems to give people the time and space to think about what they're saying. Not perfect by any means, but it's good.

Yes! I don't feel a need to go into the  chat rooms because in chats I tend to get lost. You aren't able to sit down and think about what you are writing.

[sm****]

On 7/28/2020 at 2:05 AM, Eveningside said:

Yes! I don't feel a need to go into the  chat rooms because in chats I tend to get lost. You aren't able to sit down and think about what you are writing.

I know that feeling hence so many typos from me when i do go in,  typing so fast to catch u,."that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it" :)   When i start to feel i'm doing too many and getting little or no response, because the rooms going so fast, i end up browsing the forums and other sites.  There are plenty of times it's dead as a dodo in there, but once two or three friends get in to a conversation it can feel like sitting on the sidelines going, what the hell am i doing here.