Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said: absolutely - and - I think.... like, that I think many people do mix kink with romance they just don't necessarily have the 24/7 D/s structure that those who do not have this fantasise about. Yes I can see how it would get more complicated with more structure and protocol. At one point I did look for a romantic vanilla relationship hoping to find someone who are ok with my needing kink elsewhere. But I can’t separate myself like Severus speaks of.
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 Who says romance is not part of the D/s relationship? After all it’s start the same way. It’s about seducing, chemistry, attraction, and offering gifts, kissing, laughing etc... most attraits found in both. Love is a different matter, and mixing both is a very difficult one.
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: Who says romance is not part of the D/s relationship? After all it’s start the same way. It’s about seducing, chemistry, attraction, and offering gifts, kissing, laughing etc... most attraits found in both. Love is a different matter, and mixing both is a very difficult one. I think it’s a question of wording. I was using love = romantic love. I haven’t experienced romance in d/s personally or at least the way I understand romance.
Ta**** Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 16 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: Who says romance is not part of the D/s relationship? After all it’s start the same way. It’s about seducing, chemistry, attraction, and offering gifts, kissing, laughing etc... most attraits found in both. Love is a different matter, and mixing both is a very difficult What is love? Big question I think.....Lol
ey**** Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 2 hours ago, Carnelian2 said: I don't know; it is a bit like saying that it is a choice to either have kink or a loving relationship unless you are emotionally able to separate or sub-divide your feelings between different relationships. For me that does not work. I would rather chase that elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I don't think this is all mutually exclusive. I think for example. It depends on what you think the relationship looks like and the more caveats the more difficult it is to both build and maintain. So - I know many people who are in a relationship that is both kinky and loving. But maintaining roles and protocol is exhausting There's some people I know manage it. And some I know.... their public face is that they manage it, but they're people who've ultimately got kids, grandkids, day jobs, so on - and that after a shitty day at work it can be hard to get into sub or Dominant mode for the sake of the other person. I think there's many relationships that incorporate both kink and romance - but very few are how someone not in one of these relationship might imagine it to be.
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 32 minutes ago, Curvykate said: haven’t experienced romance in d/s personally or at least the way I understand romance. If you don’t have an attraction with your Dom how can you submit to him? romance : a powerful *** that makes you feel connected to someone in a deeper way.
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 30 minutes ago, TammyNatalia said: What is love? Big question I think. It’s a song from Haddaway.. you should know you love that kind of sweet music
Ta**** Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 9 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: It’s a song from Haddaway.. you should know you love that kind of sweet music All You Need is Love..... by the Beatles
Deleted Member Posted July 28, 2020 Posted July 28, 2020 12 minutes ago, FabSeverus said: If you don’t have an attraction with your Dom how can you submit to him? romance : a powerful *** that makes you feel connected to someone in a deeper way. I don’t have a Dom, Severus. But i think you’ve made a good point as I think about romance in quite a different way from that definition. This thread has given me much food for thought. I do believe we are both talking about love though rather than romance and attraction? I can separate them from d/s as you do, I would just prefer not to.
Cu**** Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 Im in a relationship with my domme, so far everything is going great. 1 good thing with us tho is we talk about anything that were not happy with, that actually started before we started with the bdsm, it was something we both wanted. And we are learning well together
Th**** Posted July 31, 2020 Posted July 31, 2020 Personally speaking, I find the interaction between a deeply loving relationship (whether husband, bf, gf, or wife) and an active D/s dynamic does not weaken the D/s dynamic. Indeed it can strengthen and add additional nuances. You have so many places of subtle contrast, the same person you are happy to live with as your beloved other half is also the person who you might well thoroughly enjoy hearing squeal as you spank them harshly or crop them, the person who you cuddle up with to watch TV is the same person that will kneel at your feet. The key for myself is that no matter the activity the same Love runs through it all. The dynamic in my experience is accentuated by the fact you have to be willing to see each other out of your roles and just as your authentic selves. This not only leads to both parties having to be better communicators and lets face it, better at apologising when they are in the wrong. In a perfect scenario the D/s is almost a seamless dance. The synchronicity that develops over time can cause both parties to pick up on the smallest signals. Being fair it should be said that the ability to laugh at yourself is probably going to be necessary as is a heavy dose of humility. With the right balance though, the most searingly intense scenes are mixed with the funniest times and all rolled up with living your life with someone who not only loves you but loves every single bit of you including your lifestyle choices and not despite them. There is a level of trust and intimacy inherent in knowing one another so thoroughly that can only enhance the relationship and is a thing of beauty in itself. I have before heard it argued that a loving relationship can affect an S&M relationship in some instances and I can understand it may present challenges. For myself the S&M element is not effected my a deeply loving relationship as the Masochist is taking great pleasure from the actions of the Sadist. Otherwise the Masochist is letting the Sadist take their pleasure. Under the *** it is just another expression of Trust and pleasure. I see no reason for love to cause that to be a problem, it is indeed just a deepening of the symbiosis.
Deleted Member Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 6 hours ago, Thebian said: Personally speaking, I find the interaction between a deeply loving relationship (whether husband, bf, gf, or wife) and an active D/s dynamic does not weaken the D/s dynamic. Indeed it can strengthen and add additional nuances. You have so many places of subtle contrast, the same person you are happy to live with as your beloved other half is also the person who you might well thoroughly enjoy hearing squeal as you spank them harshly or crop them, the person who you cuddle up with to watch TV is the same person that will kneel at your feet. The key for myself is that no matter the activity the same Love runs through it all. The dynamic in my experience is accentuated by the fact you have to be willing to see each other out of your roles and just as your authentic selves. This not only leads to both parties having to be better communicators and lets face it, better at apologising when they are in the wrong. In a perfect scenario the D/s is almost a seamless dance. The synchronicity that develops over time can cause both parties to pick up on the smallest signals. Being fair it should be said that the ability to laugh at yourself is probably going to be necessary as is a heavy dose of humility. With the right balance though, the most searingly intense scenes are mixed with the funniest times and all rolled up with living your life with someone who not only loves you but loves every single bit of you including your lifestyle choices and not despite them. There is a level of trust and intimacy inherent in knowing one another so thoroughly that can only enhance the relationship and is a thing of beauty in itself. I have before heard it argued that a loving relationship can affect an S&M relationship in some instances and I can understand it may present challenges. For myself the S&M element is not effected my a deeply loving relationship as the Masochist is taking great pleasure from the actions of the Sadist. Otherwise the Masochist is letting the Sadist take their pleasure. Under the *** it is just another expression of Trust and pleasure. I see no reason for love to cause that to be a problem, it is indeed just a deepening of the symbiosis. All of this, every part applies for me. I need that emotional connection as it seems you do my friend. Fuck buddies maybe, but anything else for me is much more than a dynamic alone, hence my refusal to even use that word.
Ta**** Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) I would probably need something more than to be somebody's else's plaything. Sure, I have had a few couples on here who have messaged me and are looking for a third partner, as a kind of adjunct to their sex lives. That might be fine for some single Subs, even ideal, but I am not no certain it is for me. Having said that, I try to keep all possibilities open, but in the end, being with two other people who are clearly fond of each other or even madly in love, only serves to make me feel all the more lonely, and may even cause a certain amount of resentment, even jealousy within myself: not a good start to a Kink dynamic in my estimation. I have figured finally, that if I cant find the right person in a one to one relationship and a significant other with whom I cannot share that special bond of affection and love, then I am better off being alone, particularly if I am prone to jealousy and deep emotions. Besides, it's difficult for me to fall in love with any man anyway, perhaps owing to my past. But nevertheless, any kink relationship would be ultimately useless without love and affection, and would prove empty for me and come to nothing, and may only end up causing hurt on both sides in the end. Edited August 1, 2020 by TammyNatalia Grammar correction needed
sm**** Posted August 1, 2020 Posted August 1, 2020 Depends on what both parties are looking for, especially long term. Trying to maintain a 24/7 with protocol is mentally straining, it may work for some many it doesn't, so you end up sulks or attention seeking. If you get that RIGHT partnership, very rare but they can work, but these take a long time, even years to cultivate and lay solid foundations. Personally i think there has to be a common bond or interest outside of kink, just like a vanilla relationship. Distance is a great issue in the scene for this as one can't meet up on a regular basis as people would like. For this reason i'm not on sites for a quick fix or hook up, if it happens great, but make friends, see how things go. I remember many years ago meeting up with one Domme friend and her saying "don't mind me if you find me answering the door in my fluffy bunny slippers, I don't dress in latex 24/7" a lot of people seem to expect that unrealistic idea. I see many with "Stables" yes it can be hard to find THE ONE in the scene but i see constant sulks with people not getting that attention on a daily basis most people crave. Yes you will get people saying well it works for us...good, but many don't last the distance, people go in looking for 24/7 kink, it's just impossible. Many of us are looking for the Long Term, and bide our time, iv'e made better scene friends through the years by someone saying "lets go out on the piss or visit someplace" getting to know there is a real person and not one thing they are after. I look at it as this, if i can't be me and them their natural daily selves while out and about as a couple, in vanilla daily settings and chores, there is no point.
Deleted Member Posted August 2, 2020 Posted August 2, 2020 15 hours ago, smeagol said: Many of us are looking for the Long Term, and bide our time, iv'e made better scene friends through the years by someone saying "lets go out on the piss or visit someplace" getting to know there is a real person and not one thing they are after. I look at it as this, if i can't be me and them their natural daily selves while out and about as a couple, in vanilla daily settings and chores, there is no point. Same all the way
Ga**** Posted August 3, 2020 Posted August 3, 2020 Being in a D/s relationship or any other kind really, can get trying if there is no actual attraction to who that person is. Give me a mix of bot kink and vanilla and I can call that a partner, not just a plaything I will get bored with at some point. Play is fun but seldom lasts and then you are back on the hunt...
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