Do Doms want dynamics?

[br****]

I feel for you. My last dom that I found on here claimed to be a daddy dom but only interacted with me when it was play. Then when I fought the play because it’s not what I wanted at the time, he would tell me I’m making him feel like he’s doing something wrong…. Well you are because you want a booty call when I want a relationship/dynamic… he’d claim he’s not with me for the sex (as we didn’t do it), but let’s be real bro. I have high standards and if you took ONE look at my profile you’d know that I’m a dynamic sub not a playmate sub. Its a hazard of these apps I guess

[Lu****]

5 minutes ago, brattyprincess97 said:

I feel for you. My last dom that I found on here claimed to be a daddy dom but only interacted with me when it was play. Then when I fought the play because it’s not what I wanted at the time, he would tell me I’m making him feel like he’s doing something wrong…. Well you are because you want a booty call when I want a relationship/dynamic… he’d claim he’s not with me for the sex (as we didn’t do it), but let’s be real bro. I have high standards and if you took ONE look at my profile you’d know that I’m a dynamic sub not a playmate sub. Its a hazard of these apps I guess

I don't understand why these guys play around like that. Like there are SO MANY people that are happy to just do hook ups, sometimes it feels like a game where they try in the beginning just to suck you in then once they have you they lose interest🙄
But I hope you find a wonderful Daddy to look after and treat you right in the future🖤

[MrHulkS]

I do feel for both of you it's never good to feel like this and to feel let down and the worst part makes it harder for Genuine Doms like my self  to show we are not like them

actions always speak louder then words but words with big actions work really well 

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Lucien985 said:

It feels like some Doms think they want a dynamic but really just want a playmate they get control over?

I can get you, for sure

 

I think part the issue is - some of this is two fold

some is that a lot of folk have different definitions on what a dynamic is "to them" - and that is something important in communication

then others - yeah - really underestimate the work required for what they're saying. Over promising and underdelivering

 

I guess a spin-off also that, some just are that desperate they'll say/do anything without putting any effort into their own learning 

[Deleted Member]

I see this a lot. Unfortunately. Everyone is lonely and seeking connection, they rush into a dynamic/relationship thinking it's going to solve everything just because they have a sexual connection or a kink in common. There's no foundation...so naturally when the play time is over...what do you have left?
In any relationship, regardless of the style, make sure there's a platonic connection before you start assigning and accepting roles if you want something that goes beyond playtime. It's better to be patient and lonely, then dissatisfied and still lonely.

[La****]

Please, please dont give up and get discouraged. Yes, most doms are only there to have temporary fun and to get off. But there are a lot of us who really value emotional bonding and beyond. Me and my doll; which is a sub and a girlfriend—is one of many examples of successful D/s relationship with actual bond.
Tbh, this problem also happens on the doms’ end, bcs there are too many subs who also only want some quick fun. I got disappointed and hurt so many times. I think its just the nature of todays ‘dating scene’.
It takes such patience and a long journey to find someone whos on the same path as you are. What you need is keeping your faith and keep being strong on what you wants and needs so you wont be exploited and get shitted on later.

[ra****]

Fundamentally it’s a power exchange dynamic but unfortunately I think a lot of people fail to understand the immense responsibility that comes with submission. That’s why it’s so important to thoroughly vet anyone you are considering entering into this kind of situation with. It’s not a process that you can rush through and the more time you take in the beginning to be able to experience how someone communicates/answers questions or responds to your requests for enough information for you to feel comfortable even meeting with them for the first time, the more easily you can weed out the ones who might not be able to provide both of you with the experience you’re looking for.

A huge red flag for me is a man who slides into my inbox, proudly proclaiming he’s a Dom, and then being impatient when it comes to understanding that even if my schedule allowed me to make free time to meet up with them immediately, it’s just not something I’m willing to do unless I feel like I can express myself freely without being called controlling or insecure.

I know exactly what I’m looking for, and I’m too old to deal with the unnecessary drama and bs that comes with an armchair Dom.

[li****]

I would refrain from playing at all unless it was in the context of a LTR or at least after having gotten to know someone for months.

[Sw****]

Have you communicated this issue to him? Next time he comes to play don’t, have a conversation about your feelings and how your needs as his sub are not being met. Dynamics of any kind need lots of open and honest communication and regular check ins with each other. I too have this problem and will not enter a dynamic with a Dom that doesn’t make me a part of his daily life somehow. I also don’t give exclusivity without an LTR, no matter how much they may say they want to ‘own me’ so to speak. I would start dating other men, if you’re not a priority, don’t wait for him to make you one. There are lots of Doms out there that will make you a priority. Maybe if he realized he has competition he’ll get his shit together, make him see your submission is a gift that’s not to be taken for granted.

[Lu****]

17 minutes ago, SweetNSourPatchBrat said:

Have you communicated this issue to him? Next time he comes to play don’t, have a conversation about your feelings and how your needs as his sub are not being met. Dynamics of any kind need lots of open and honest communication and regular check ins with each other. I too have this problem and will not enter a dynamic with a Dom that doesn’t make me a part of his daily life somehow. I also don’t give exclusivity without an LTR, no matter how much they may say they want to ‘own me’ so to speak. I would start dating other men, if you’re not a priority, don’t wait for him to make you one. There are lots of Doms out there that will make you a priority. Maybe if he realized he has competition he’ll get his shit together, make him see your submission is a gift that’s not to be taken for granted.

I have made comments previously yeah and when we first started talking we spoke about how we each really want an exclusive dynamic etc. I laid out how I felt after I wrote this so we'll see how it goes😅 thank you for your advice lovely 🖤

[Sw****]

8 minutes ago, Lucien985 said:

I have made comments previously yeah and when we first started talking we spoke about how we each really want an exclusive dynamic etc. I laid out how I felt after I wrote this so we'll see how it goes😅 thank you for your advice lovely 🖤

Know that you are worthy and deserve what you want, don’t settle for anything less ❤️💋

[To****]

There is nothing wrong with you.

You just need a lot more communication and filter those that would meet your wants. Do realize that it is an added difficulty to have dynamics beyond your play vs no strings attached.

[Ca****]

For me that connection is the most important thing, it just isn't for a play session it becomes a trusting friendship over time. Everyone has different ways to approach their D/s meetings, good clear communication is always the best way forward and you have to make sure you are getting what you want from your time together, you so deserve that as a minimum 🖤🦇💜

[sardonicus87]

Domination/submission literally IS a dynamic, by definition. If someone just wants play without a dynamic, that's called being a top/bottom.
.
Most people use Top and Dom interchangeably and Bottom and Sub interchangeably, though rarely do they use top/bottom, but they're not the same thing.
.
Probably over half the time you see "dom" or "sub" being used, the person actually means "top" or "bottom". One of many things I hate about the BDSM "community", all the D/s-normative, D/s-centric crap causing a bunch of confusion, constant bad information from people with 0 experience that just had a fantasy after reading a Tumblr post and speak on it as if they have authority, etc.
.
Too many people don't understand this, that top and dom are not the same, and bottom and sub are not the same. Stop saying "dom" or "sub" when you mean "top" or "bottom".

[Lu****]

31 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Domination/submission literally IS a dynamic, by definition. If someone just wants play without a dynamic, that's called being a top/bottom.
.
Most people use Top and Dom interchangeably and Bottom and Sub interchangeably, though rarely do they use top/bottom, but they're not the same thing.
.
Probably over half the time you see "dom" or "sub" being used, the person actually means "top" or "bottom". One of many things I hate about the BDSM "community", all the D/s-normative, D/s-centric crap causing a bunch of confusion, constant bad information from people with 0 experience that just had a fantasy after reading a Tumblr post and speak on it as if they have authority, etc.
.
Too many people don't understand this, that top and dom are not the same, and bottom and sub are not the same. Stop saying "dom" or "sub" when you mean "top" or "bottom".

I'm not sure who you're raging at but screaming into the void about the terminology of things ain't helping anyone. The fact is a lot of things in this community are very varied and up to the individual. You're right, I wouldn't say dom/top are the same and terms are interchange but trying to correct hypothetical people in how they should identify is odd. If you have "many things" you hate about the community then maybe it isn't the place for you.

[Be****]

Not real Doms, just little boys wanting their cake

[Deleted Member]

I am saddened to hear what you have experienced.
Unfortunately, you have been mishandled by an inexperienced, true Dom.

[li****]

3 hours ago, sardonicus87 said:

Domination/submission literally IS a dynamic, by definition. If someone just wants play without a dynamic, that's called being a top/bottom.
.
Most people use Top and Dom interchangeably and Bottom and Sub interchangeably, though rarely do they use top/bottom, but they're not the same thing.
.
Probably over half the time you see "dom" or "sub" being used, the person actually means "top" or "bottom". One of many things I hate about the BDSM "community", all the D/s-normative, D/s-centric crap causing a bunch of confusion, constant bad information from people with 0 experience that just had a fantasy after reading a Tumblr post and speak on it as if they have authority, etc.
.
Too many people don't understand this, that top and dom are not the same, and bottom and sub are not the same. Stop saying "dom" or "sub" when you mean "top" or "bottom".

Exactly. I couldn't have said it better myself. Before engaging with anybody, it's good to make sure they're aware of what they are. Me as a dominant person, saying "we're not playing right now" that's an instruction the submissive is supposed to follow. If he doesn't agree with my denial, that means we're not truly in a d/s dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

Damn typo above
I meant inexperienced Dom

[my****]

D/s is easy to take advantage. To answer your question, yes as a Dom I want a full relationship that is 24/7. That means being involved in the girl’s entire life, not just the play. It takes skill to be able to shift in and out of the dynamic depending on who is around, or what the circumstances are. Not everyone can do that. Some Doms just want to have a girl to fulfill their fantasies, and that’s enough. The real trick is having that, and having the girl who will play board games with you for an hour while you watch some new series on Netflix.

Then when she cheats you belt her ass until it’s tiger striped.

[ci****]

As a dom I’m looking for a full time dynamic, and as a rule I don’t enter a relationship/dynamic with anyone who just wants a dom during playtime. Granted my type of dominance is very niche and I don’t usually enter any relationship unless what I’m looking for/can provide fits with the subs wants/needs. But in general I think your dynamic shouldn’t just be during play unless all parties involved want that type of relationship. For me, a continued bond outside of play but still upholding the usually power difference is the key to a healthy integrated D/s relationship.

[Br****]

You require more intimacy and more deepness over all and that's okay. Nothing wrong with that. It is more work and a bit of a responsibility though which can dampen fun for some people so just be aware of that. Pple struggle woth stability and consistency. Want what you want just know to be patient and not everyone is about that

[wi****]

Hi dear, I found myself in a very similar situation. My DM started out super caring and involved then the distance and lack of interest in finding out anything if substance about me. Distance came next but that was put on me because I recently moved and have been trying to settle into my new place but the distance never really reduced. I spun out a few times trying to express my feelings and what I think we could improve on to grow a relationship, he’d made an effort afterwards for about .05 seconds.

I finally finished it today. I couldn’t take just being a source of sex for him. We were long distance too and because of that I need a bit more communication and his effort kept shrinking. I’m sad over it, I had so much hope to see how we developed and disappointed with how it all turned out, but I do feel better knowing I stood up for myself and left for my own mental health and the sake of my heart.

I’m not sure if my words might inspire you, sub to sub, but I would try to have a conversation with him. Let him know how you’re feeling, your dom might be better than mine was and actually take your words to heart. Or take some time to get really introspective, make a list of what you need and ask yourself with each one if he meets them, if so how much, what’s his attitude when he does. If at the end of it you find it’s more on the ‘no/low’ side, it might be time to have a harder conversation. Either way, do what’s best for you, trust your intuition. I hope happiness and love finds you 💜

[ki****]

Sadly, there are a lot who will just seek surface level, but I've had incredible conversations with Doms who do seek more, even if we weren't compatible for each other. I have a strict set of guidelines for any dynamic I entertain, and just don't get to know, or involve myself, with anyone who doesn't match that. Because I don't want to emotionally entangle myself with someone that could end up being the wrong fit. If it's important to you, address that with them. It may not be the right Dom for you, unless they can give that to you, and want to. Then just decide that's all you'll entertain - the people who seek what you do, and don't engage those who don't.
.
I know that can be hard when so few seek deep connections, but they start to show through, when you stop engaging ones who don't fit what you seek. And it can be hard to feel you're being "mean," but if you don't fit, you don't fit. Being mean is accepting a dynamic not right for both sides. You both have to get something out of it. It just may take you longer to find that right fit.

[Lu****]

1 hour ago, wildindigo said:

Hi dear, I found myself in a very similar situation. My DM started out super caring and involved then the distance and lack of interest in finding out anything if substance about me. Distance came next but that was put on me because I recently moved and have been trying to settle into my new place but the distance never really reduced. I spun out a few times trying to express my feelings and what I think we could improve on to grow a relationship, he’d made an effort afterwards for about .05 seconds.

I finally finished it today. I couldn’t take just being a source of sex for him. We were long distance too and because of that I need a bit more communication and his effort kept shrinking. I’m sad over it, I had so much hope to see how we developed and disappointed with how it all turned out, but I do feel better knowing I stood up for myself and left for my own mental health and the sake of my heart.

I’m not sure if my words might inspire you, sub to sub, but I would try to have a conversation with him. Let him know how you’re feeling, your dom might be better than mine was and actually take your words to heart. Or take some time to get really introspective, make a list of what you need and ask yourself with each one if he meets them, if so how much, what’s his attitude when he does. If at the end of it you find it’s more on the ‘no/low’ side, it might be time to have a harder conversation. Either way, do what’s best for you, trust your intuition. I hope happiness and love finds you 💜

Thank you for your kind words and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you but I'm glad you stood up for yourself🖤