So often I hear Doms say they want “total obedience”

[Bo****]

13 hours ago, KYRIOSDominant702 said:

Obedience is easy. It’s compliance by demand mechanical, hollow, done to avoid consequence.

But surrender? Real surrender is alive.

It happens in that moment when a submissive exhales everything she’s been holding the armor, the noise, the need to control and she drops into the fullness of her feminine. That’s where the world slows down. That’s where her breath changes. That’s where she feels seen.

And that is where I meet her.

I do not stand over her like a tyrant. I rise to meet her surrender with presence, with power that does not crush but holds. My dominance does not consume her; it amplifies her. My guidance does not diminish her; it gives her a place to rest, so that the fire of who she is can burn brighter.

This is not about taking control. This is about building a current so charged, so electric, that surrender becomes inevitable. She doesn’t give because she must she gives because the gravity between us makes anything else impossible.

And when that happens when she melts, when her edges soften, when the tension leaves her body and she offers herself with trust... I rise even higher. Because her surrender is not weakness; it is a crown. And the moment she places it in my hands, I wear it with devotion.

That is the difference between obedience and surrender.

One is taken.
The other is given.

And I will always choose the kind that makes us both more.

This ☝🏻

[Deleted Member]

This is perfect. I miss this so much.

[Da****]

Shelter isn't given it's taken. IMO Subs have most of the power.

[dr****]

That's because that's not a real dom a Dom get obedience through actions a fake mfer who sucks in bed demands it

[Kl****]

11 hours ago, satyricalsatire said:

Fun point. A dominant should know they never had the full control. They were GIFTED the control and should not *** it!!

And gifted means he didn't earn it so I don't subscribe to that it's orange I've never demanded it I've always earned it and more.

[Kl****]

8 hours ago, philadelphia425778 said:

That is 100% the paradox. When you adore something you possess, it possesses you back.

Just by your statement alone I can tell you always earn it.

[al****]

The real control in a D/S relationship has to be with the sub. The sub let's the Dom know their limits and the Dom respects those limits without question

[Ro****]

Submission, unlike self-abandonment, is a conscious and voluntary choice made within a relationship where autonomy and respect are maintained. Self-abandonment, in contrast, involves neglecting one's own needs and boundaries due to *** or a sense of inadequacy, often driven by past experiences of people-pleasing or perceived conditional love.
Key differences
Choice and respect: Submission implies knowing you can withdraw consent or voice your opinion without *** of rejection or devaluation.
Neglect vs. Empowerment: Self-abandonment involves consistently ignoring your own needs for external validation, whereas healthy submission, when rooted in love and trust, can be a nurturing ***.
Healing from past patterns: Breaking free from self-abandonment, especially when linked to past trauma or dysfunctional relationship dynamics, is crucial for fostering healthier relationships built on equality and self-worth.
In essence, true submission is an act of trust and love that empowers both partners, while self-abandonment is a form of self-betrayal that can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction.

[Ar****]

Well said. The problem I've seen over the years is people don't understand the power exchange. They think that the Dom has all the power. As a Dom your power comes from your Sub. I believe as a Dom it's my job to make my Sub feel worshiped. If you don't talk and understand what their needs are and If you don't meet them then you're not in control. If their needs aren't met you can't expect yours to be met.

[Fa****]

Hi, I agree 100% with your post.

[Mo****]

20 hours ago, JadedPossum said:

Can this be accomplished in a short term nsa relationship? I see nsa but also they want a dom. I can see this bond and connection of feeling safe and cherished when u get to know someone over time. So how long do yall thi k it takes to establish this and other than just bring urself and having a good vibe, is there anything that can be done to encourage this closer emotional safety condition?

Its accomplishable - time vary based the type of the persons- experience and understanding the subs needs- situation, mentality', goals and most important background / experience ! I established that with subs in less than 3 months and in certain situations it took a year ! Time is irrelevant

[Ro****]

Thursday at 09:30 PM, JadedPossum said:

Can this be accomplished in a short term nsa relationship? I see nsa but also they want a dom. I can see this bond and connection of feeling safe and cherished when u get to know someone over time. So how long do yall thi k it takes to establish this and other than just bring urself and having a good vibe, is there anything that can be done to encourage this closer emotional safety condition?

Depends on the compatibility, me personally, the level of emotional maturity and ability to conversation and communicate play a huge role in their ability to be a dom. It dont matter if it's been agreed, nsa, long term, short term, fwb, etc. The standard stays the same.

[wi****]

Also beware of the fact that sometimes when a dom says they want total obedience from a submissive some have shown to have a controlling personality. I've seen situations where that has gone badly for the sub.

[ju****]

Yes, submission is a gift, not plunder

[wo****]

Yes, submission is a gift, not plunder

I like this

[Je****]

Agreed....Dominance isnt simply about Dominating. If the Dom doesnt see and actually learn who their sub is, then the end result will most likely be two unhappy people. Without encouragement, without understanding, without care.....it all becomes just....an act without connection.

[no****]

No has said it better. I wish other people would understand this concept. Without those particulars in play. Your domination can turn into misery for your submissive. Misery turns into defiance.

[Da****]

Friday at 09:19 AM, drewmach said:

That's because that's not a real dom a Dom get obedience through actions a fake mfer who sucks in bed demands it

100 percent this. Real Doms get their partners to submit freely because the partner wants to. Not just is it disrespectful to just go to random people and demand Submission, but that is akin to begging like a sub. Just as is it disrespectful for a Sub to randomly start acting like a sub when clearly there was no agreement.

These people who just go in and demand randos to sub are just narcissistic, assholes trying to take advantage of the dynamic and makes all of us Doms look bad. I loathe them and if I see such behavior. I'll make my thoughts known to them. -_-

Most people are also not true leaders, yet they demand people follow them because they have issues, this leads to shitty leadership. Real leaders just as Doms attract followers without words or demands, but actions. They prove who they really are and people freely follow them.

[Bu****]

I mentor couples new to the scene often and I talk a lot about "fake doms". An actual Dom has respect, accountability, and responsibility built into their core personality. It's not something that can be taught. A real "Dominant" understands they have a deep serious responsibility to their sub. The power exchange is an illusion... The sub is truly in control. The Dom is providing a scenario and trusting environment where the sub can let go and "submit" control. But it's based on TRUST, not DEMAND. A "Dom" who demands anything without their sub trusting them completely... Isn't a Dom. They're a predator and an ***r.

[co****]

Beautifully stated