Not giving oral. Am i being selfish?

[hi****]

I don’t think you are wrong but I’m not that big into receiving

[Th****]

Selfish, no not at all. Your boundaries should be respected above all else. If you want to fulfill your partners desire for it, do as some have said and give a good handjob and perhaps sprinkle in some licks and kisses. Go into it like a porn star and really worship him. Perhaps if you enjoy porn, check out some cock and cum devotion/training videos as you play and see if that helps with getting into it and see where it leads.

[at****]

Well with me only the very best oral pleasures where both are caring and focused is a must have.

[si****]

I personally prefer to perform than receive. So find someone who is interested in the things you are and does not like things you don't. Or does not have a preference.

People seem to think I can change a person they'll like it or at least do it because they love me. That's not acceptable.

For me it's about limits. There's hard limits, soft limits, things you don't mind doing for your person, and things you must have.

If not performing oral is a hard limit then no one should try to change that about you. But if not performing oral is in any of the other columns expect people to want you to change your mind.

[Th****]

Yeah.. I suggested a few things to try but upon reflection, seems as though it IS a hard no. I didn’t need to suggest anything other than maybe the hand job sans the kisses and licks. Beg pardon.

[Pa****]

Your limits are your limits.

[an****]

You're never selfish for not performing some arbitrary act for your partner, however it's important to consider that this particular one is something that the majority of people enjoy and therefore will make you incompatible with those people.

From your post, it seems that you want to, and have made efforts to overcome your aversion, and i'm proud of you for being creative and thinking of ways to approach it! It seems like mostly a sensory issue - you're afraid of the taste of cum (unclear whether you've tasted it before), and you don't like the sensation of having a dick in your mouth. Both understandable, but both have solutions.

For the cum one - sure, cum doesn't exactly taste like honey, but if your partner takes care of themselves and eats well and hydrates appropriately, it can taste much better than someone who doesn't. Secondly, giving oral doesn't necessarily mean you HAVE to swallow. You can simply perform until they are about to cum, and then stroke them to completion. After they cum, you can then taste it off your fingers at your own pace and slowly acquire the taste rather than having it ***d into your mouth all at once.

For the part about the sensation of a cock in your mouth, ask yourself if you have subconsciously associated something negative with the penis. Is it a cleanliness/scent thing - maybe you can have your partner thoroughly wash up, or you could even have some fun and do the washing yourself! Maybe try some flavored lubricants, or food play? Or, is it something trauma-related that you and your partner need to work through?

In any case, whether you try to overcome your limits or stay within them, i wish you the best of luck. If you'd like to talk more, I'd be happy to chat with you in DMs. 🙂

[Deleted Member]

You can't help what your aversions are and if you can't get into it your partner can definitely tell and I'm sure it's affects the mood/vibe. Personally I have trouble getting off to head. I enjoy the way it feels but I would prefer to be going down on a woman than to have a woman going down on me. More will get done and more fun will be had by both of us. 🤷‍♂️

[Li****]

youre not selfish at all for not wanting to do that ! :)

tbh i dont give bjs or go down on women , and i dont let people make me feel bad for it either 🤷‍♀️

yea ive had trouble finding a partner because of this but im not going to make my self uncomfortable just to make someone happy , i stick to my boundaries and limits

[an****]

3 hours ago, LilRain said:

youre not selfish at all for not wanting to do that ! :)

tbh i dont give bjs or go down on women , and i dont let people make me feel bad for it either 🤷‍♀️

yea ive had trouble finding a partner because of this but im not going to make my self uncomfortable just to make someone happy , i stick to my boundaries and limits

just want to clarify that i'm not saying she should just do it because that's what people like. it sounds like it's something she wants to do, so i gave ideas for more ways to approach it. i approach most things in life from a growth mindset - nothing is impossible, there are only things we want to do and don't want to do. if she truly doesn't want to, then that's her choice and no one should try *** her.

[le****]

No you just need to find a guy with the same aversion horses for courses nothing more