Beginning Dom

[Da****]

So I just met someone I was really interested in. We got along great. I always had an interest in being a dom but I have no experience with this. So I lost a chance at a possibility of a good relationship. Anyone that can suggest YouTube or anything that can get me in the direction?

[in****]

I’d recommend Fetlife and joining groups and looking for local munches to attend. Network with people and learn from mentors.

[Se****]

I recommend going with the flow first I'm new at this also I did read a few things and then found a mentor but I found letting my body react was the best medicine

[Deleted Member]

Been there. Have the friendzone tshirt tk prove it.

You can’t learn it from a video. First thing you need to work on, where i am, is your confidence and know that you’re the leader. Not in a ***d way, an experienced person will sense that.

Depending on the sub, you can learn techniques but that should come second before establishing yourself.

[De****]

Amature Dom myself and what worked for me was finding another Dom to mentor me. Way more helpful than watching a video or reading books

[Do****]

I watched some videos on porn sites. Literally googled it. There were lots of websites talking about different levels of D:s, styles, people discussing why they like it, what it does for them, articles about different aspects of it. Then back to watching the porn sites and seeing examples of different play, toys, techniques. Research and learn. Read first hand accounts.

However that was before I discovered this place. Go into the Forum. There’s a section on Dom and sub. Lots and lots of discussions about various aspects of it. Subs talking about things they like, problems they have. What makes a good or bad Dom. There’s also a section about being new to kink and I think it’s in there that you’d find an intro to kink thread.

Honestly, reading and watching what people share and discuss is the best way to learn, and to get to know what you like, what your style is. Go down a rabbit hole 😉

[Fr****]

I'd advise doing more reading than watching of videos, they show you how to do impact play at best. What you need to know more is how to establish Dom/sub boundaries and ask the right questions about what they do and don't want out of the relationship. Consent, safety, safe words, etc.

Things like what kind of play they're interested in and things of that nature rather than hitting individual subjects. Once you have a better grounding in that, move on to learning how to perform different types of play and what different roles doms can have and fulfill.

It's a process but it can be very fulfilling when you learn it and can apply it in a way that you both enjoy.

[Do****]

By the way, if there is anyone who uses the app only, and when they look in Forums they can only see Kink Academy…….. log into fetish on the website…. Go to forums and you’ll see all the sections (now you can see them in the website they will open up for you on the app too) and go into settings and select allow ASFW in the app. This will open up the adult content within the app. So you will see all posts. Then go back to the app and open up forums, and it’s all there. Get comfortable and get lost in the content. Everything is in there! And there’s a search bar at the top of the page in the website and the app. If you can’t see it, pull the page down to reveal it. Stick anything into that search bar and most likely someone has discussed it at some point!

[Co****]

I would recommend "The New Topping Book" by Dossie Easton. It's a good place to start.

[Kr****]

I agree, with the others, mentor, reading and the one less traveled. Find you a good Domme and be her sub. You can learn a lot from being on the other side of the relationship \ dynamic. I have had sub that wanted to try being dominant and when I felt they were ready. I gave them their chance, I would put them up against any saying their a Dom and they would prevail. Especially here, if they are in their 20's. The best Dom's have years or decades of experience.

[Do****]

Also don’t be afraid to start somewhere and start small. A short experience with someone. Basic. What you’re comfortable with. Build on that. Explore. At the end of the day it’s great to step outside of our comfort zones and experience more in life. But if you’re seeking to feel confident and self assured in your role then only experience doing it will give you that.

[Cr****]

You lost a possibility of a friendship over you not domming them? Im confused

[Deleted Member]

Try FetLife too. It's another great forum that puts you in touch with local people in your area.

[ge****]

Before you even consider going down the route of being dominant to someone, you need to take a step back and do some self-examination and introspection - understand what it is that makes you think you want to be a dominant, what motivates you in that regard, what sort of dominant you think you'd be etc.
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If any of the above is informed by what you've seen in porn, take a further step back and think what really makes you tick in that way because porn isn't it.
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Seek out advice on forums here and FetLife - get yourself to Munches and talk to other Doms, seek out blogs and books and more and really inform yourself.
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Once you've done that, you'll know how to start though still won't be a dominant but at least will be on the right lines taking those steps.

[jerryx]

I think you are in the right place. It is easier to find sub females than dominas. I am also a sub learning to be a dom. Had a hookup with a sub. I was clear up front that I am not very experienced as a dom. There is truth in being a sub can help. Do on to others …. ;)

[ha****]

You should be focused on providing her a physically and emotionally safe place. She should feel free to express any fantasy whatsoever without *** of ridicule or slut-shaming.
You should establish her hard and soft limits.
If you haven't met her in person yet, you should insist the first meeting be in public and that one of her close friends has all your contact info. She should KNOW that not only is her safety important to you but you equally want her to feel safe.

[Ga****]

I also recommend joining Fetlife and joining groups/discussions. I learned a lot from a lot of cool/nice people.

[Deleted Member]

Being dom is quite literally about confidence. Or at least the appearance of confidence. Most subs have the same urges, instincts and desires, albeit different flavours. A good dom will preempt what the sub wants/desires, and then make them earn it. True dominance comes through the *** of will, not *** of physical strength (though that is important).

Subs universally want someone to take control. Anyone can do that. An experienced dom doesn’t need to take control, because the true power is exercised once the control is relinquished.

 

[en****]

I very much second the recommendation for The Topping Book!! New dom myself, I'm about halfway through the book right now and it's been really helpful.

[Deleted Member]

Practical experience, get involved with your local kink community. Go to Demos, practice on yourself or on others with experienced supervision. If you want to be an in person Dom of any kind, you got to get your hands dirty in a safe guided environment. Find a munch and show up, ask questions, be ok with learning from someone else.

[Ie****]

I perfer doms with less experience because I can help them to dom more as I need. I have found i love to teach how to dom but I myself, I dont want to be a dom. Does that make sense

[Do****]

12 hours ago, Cranked_Delta said:

You lost a possibility of a friendship over you not domming them? Im confused

I think it was a D:s relationship she was seeking, and he wanted too, but he didn’t have the experience she was wanting so he lost out. And now he wants to be able to position himself to have that relationship or something like that in the future.

[Da****]

Just take your time. Research research research. Find yourself an experienced Dom to mentor you. One word of caution though. The title Dom is earned not self appointed. Also don't expect subs to be throwing themselves at you. This lifestyle isn't for the faint of heart. I have to say you've taken the first steps. Lead by example. I am going to say also don't start seeking subs right away. Most subs have been in the lifestyle for years. They can spot a new Dom right away. Google can be a great resource for research. Also get involved with your local community. Attend events but don't participate. Observe and learn. Ask questions. Be honest with yourself.

[AG****]

It’s hard to know what kind of Dom you are, until you are with a sub. There’s plenty of good folks here to learn from.

[wa****]

Yeah there are mentors out there and plenty of online reach you can do. I personally met a poly girl who was into bdsm me being new to the lifestyle I bit off way more I could chew. Her leave of bdsm is way harder than what I’m into. Seeing her ass after getting “beat in the the best way” her words literally made me sick. Basically I’m trying to say take it slow because you there leaves may be more than you expect