Community

[Deleted Member]

 

 

Any gang, clique, family, group, cult, community always share something In  common. It can be many different things but somewhere if you dig deep enough you will find a link. A shared goal or interest, *** ties or maybe something much less obvious but always that link. For many that link can be hardly noticeable but for others it can carry much importance. Be a huge part of who they are and be something that affects them profoundly.

 

As in any community you may not be born into it, a father with a new job, a move to a new town and for the kids new schools and new friends. Scary times for all concerned as they explore the town, slowly trying to integrate at school, make friends. It takes time but more importantly it takes effort to try and become part of the community. For the kids it's scary at school, working out who the bullies are, the cool kids and the geeks. Yet it's the same for the adults as they try to find a new life in a new town. 

 

Yet what if the children don't go to school, what if the adults avoid the neighbours, hide away at home every night when other kids are kicking a football about, the other adults chatting at their gates? Then really it is not their community is it? Yes there is a community but for it to be theirs effort must be made. It is not the fault of the children who play outside or the adults that chat that this family is not yet part of the community. They are not being rude or cliquey to enjoy each other's company outside on a fine summer's night. They should really feel no guilt but of course they should make the new neighbours welcome, if they know the house is now occupied that is.

 

I suppose some would say a website could be the same, especially one aimed at a very specific community, a very special group of individuals where the link is blindingly obvious. Impossible to miss and for some a bond, a community if that is what you really seek, friends to be made and maybe more. In many ways this community would be actually much easier to integrate as within this community you can breath and be yourself. You can reveal who you really are freely and without judgment but first you must reveal yourself. 

 

It can take a little courage yes but there are friends to be found if you find that courage. This most special of communities will not judge you in the same way vanilla folk do. You will not be judged on how you look or where you work, what you drive or the size of your bank balance. You will be judged on four very basic rules and your ability to follow them. Easy rules upon a little reflection that talk of basic humanity. It's even ok to get things wrong, like all communities this one is far from perfect and most are forgiving of those who may stumble as they themselves may have stumbled at one time or another.

 

It's a welcoming place but just like the children at the new school, or the adults on a summer night effort must be made, friends are not made by hiding away and once those initial steps are taken it gets much easier to take the next.

 

[ey****]

I often have varied thoughts around the concept of scene and community.

Obviously there are those already in the community, or a corner of the community and between them they might have different knowledge and experience and also have the benefit, through time of getting to know each other and of course friendships form (and, always, those who you just don't brush along with - but hey ho)

Then one day somebody new comes to the gates of the community and would like to be a part of it.

And this is where we choose what our community should be like.

We obviously should want our community to be safe and a positive place.  So, understandably, we might not want to be quick to welcome someone who has a poor attitude or who we feel is a danger.

We might want to treat people with caution and that's a good thing - we can let them wander round the village while we get to know them, but don't have to invite them to our house.

But, do we want our community to be closed - where someone has to impress us to even open the gates?    Or do we want to at least give people the chance?

Do we want to be welcoming, or exclusionary?  That we welcome them to our group but talk over them or speak in in-jokes?   That, of course, they have to make an effort, but do we want to wilfully make things more difficult for them?

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

 

Do we want to be welcoming, or exclusionary?  That we welcome them to our group but talk over them or speak in in-jokes?   That, of course, they have to make an effort, but do we want to wilfully make things more difficult for them?

All well made points but this more than any. Yes there is a community, I can see it and it's taken me personally time and effort to find my way around and to make connections, they were not offered freely and along the way mistakes were made. For me again personally of course it should be made welcoming, not exclusionary and I don't feel in the main it is. For people who already know each other to maybe share in jokes I just can't see as a bad thing, it's not an intentional insult to those who may not understand or an effort to exclude or belittle but just friends being friends. I dont think anyone would wilfully make it harder for them, we may mistakenly have that happen but it's not a wilful choice, one made out of spite. The fact will always remain in any community that the onus is more on the new person to make more of an effort to find that community than those who are already part. Those who are already part should not for me have to feel bad just because they have made friends already, and should not have to restrict their own interactions for *** of not specifically including others. Anyone is free at any time to join the discussions or start their own, that's how we get noticed whether good or bad.

[De****]

2 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

All well made points but this more than any. Yes there is a community, I can see it and it's taken me personally time and effort to find my way around and to make connections, they were not offered freely and along the way mistakes were made. For me again personally of course it should be made welcoming, not exclusionary and I don't feel in the main it is. For people who already know each other to maybe share in jokes I just can't see as a bad thing, it's not an intentional insult to those who may not understand or an effort to exclude or belittle but just friends being friends. I dont think anyone would wilfully make it harder for them, we may mistakenly have that happen but it's not a wilful choice, one made out of spite. The fact will always remain in any community that the onus is more on the new person to make more of an effort to find that community than those who are already part. Those who are already part should not for me have to feel bad just because they have made friends already, and should not have to restrict their own interactions for *** of not specifically including others. Anyone is free at any time to join the discussions or start their own, that's how we get noticed whether good or bad.

Going to wade in on this because I really feel the need to point out this ridiculous cycle. You and I both know that this post is not independent, it’s in reference to what happened earlier during a discussion on a previous thread and therefore leaves those unaware of that at a disadvantage when commenting. The irony is that on the other thread I mention, the issue was that again you were discussing a conversation had on yet another thread, again excluding other participants and ultimately proving the OP correct on their suggestion that the community was cliquey. It’s now becoming a regular theme amongst certain members and when new people are trying to post but at the same time are made aware that they’ve ‘missed something’ because they don’t get the in-jokes  then it’s insulting. Not everybody feels a need or has the confidence to bulldoze their way in to the community, some like to ease in or even be invited. In summary either provide back story so everyone is on a level playing field or open a chat room to continue your conversation but this constant cycling and hijacking posts and threads is tiresome. I want to read and learn from people, not wade through pages of cliquey banter! Sorry but not sorry if that offends because essentially, where this theme is concerned, there seems to be very little consideration given to others

[Deleted Member]

57 minutes ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

Going to wade in on this because I really feel the need to point out this ridiculous cycle. You and I both know that this post is not independent, it’s in reference to what happened earlier during a discussion on a previous thread and therefore leaves those unaware of that at a disadvantage when commenting. The irony is that on the other thread I mention, the issue was that again you were discussing a conversation had on yet another thread, again excluding other participants and ultimately proving the OP correct on their suggestion that the community was cliquey. It’s now becoming a regular theme amongst certain members and when new people are trying to post but at the same time are made aware that they’ve ‘missed something’ because they don’t get the in-jokes  then it’s insulting. Not everybody feels a need or has the confidence to bulldoze their way in to the community, some like to ease in or even be invited. In summary either provide back story so everyone is on a level playing field or open a chat room to continue your conversation but this constant cycling and hijacking posts and threads is tiresome. I want to read and learn from people, not wade through pages of cliquey banter! Sorry but not sorry if that offends because essentially, where this theme is concerned, there seems to be very little consideration given to others

I think we can all reflect on this, you've spoken so openly and used radical honesty which is something I wholly advocate for and love to witness.  

We are all growing and learning and inclusivity is important.  It is also a balance of managing relationships and dynamics in a broader context which is something we're all growing in. 

Thank you @Demi_Seraphina you've opened another perspective perfectly

🔥

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Demi_Seraphina said:

Going to wade in on this because I really feel the need to point out this ridiculous cycle. You and I both know that this post is not independent, it’s in reference to what happened earlier during a discussion on a previous thread and therefore leaves those unaware of that at a disadvantage when commenting. The irony is that on the other thread I mention, the issue was that again you were discussing a conversation had on yet another thread, again excluding other participants and ultimately proving the OP correct on their suggestion that the community was cliquey. It’s now becoming a regular theme amongst certain members and when new people are trying to post but at the same time are made aware that they’ve ‘missed something’ because they don’t get the in-jokes  then it’s insulting. Not everybody feels a need or has the confidence to bulldoze their way in to the community, some like to ease in or even be invited. In summary either provide back story so everyone is on a level playing field or open a chat room to continue your conversation but this constant cycling and hijacking posts and threads is tiresome. I want to read and learn from people, not wade through pages of cliquey banter! Sorry but not sorry if that offends because essentially, where this theme is concerned, there seems to be very little consideration given to others

Thank you for your input, some well made points and much to mull over. No your opinion does not offend in the slightest 😊

Edited September 29, 2020 by Deleted Member

[on****]

4 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Thank you for your input, some well made points and much to mull over. No your opinion does not offend in the slightest 😊

But you're one of the certain offenders. I don't think you will mull it over, or if you do then you won't change...

[Deleted Member]

Just now, oneminusone said:

But you're one of the certain offenders. I don't think you will mull it over, or if you do then you won't change...

What you think really is of no concern to me. Your not a man I respect or whose opinion I value.

[Deleted Member]

Haven’t you two been down this road before? And people commented then on how negative and aggressive the atmosphere becomes, especially for those new to the site. Please stop.

[De****]

1 hour ago, Curvykate said:

Haven’t you two been down this road before? And people commented then on how negative and aggressive the atmosphere becomes, especially for those new to the site. Please stop.

Agree!