How does the day to day look like in a D/s relationship

[si****]

This is for people who are dating their Domme or sub. What does your day to day look like? How much of it is vanilla and how much of it is kinky?

[Ra****]

all through the night its always kinky. during the day 50/50... sprinkle a little here sprinkle a little there

[Zy****]

Vanilla infront of others, DDLG otherwise

[Deleted Member]

99% kinky, very vanilla in public.

[si****]

4 hours ago, RavenX416 said:

all through the night its always kinky. during the day 50/50... sprinkle a little here sprinkle a little there

And how did the relationship start? Did it start from a kinky side, or from vanilla and experimenting together?

[Ca****]

Previously being in 2 , 24/7 Cuckold relationship, day to day it looked like a typical couple except I was in chastity , were were both quite often plugged , I was available to serve he on demand and I also helped her with chores like bathing , shaving moisturising and dressing.

[si****]

This makes me really happy to hear that a vanilla relationship if possible within a D/s setting. Because most of my experience on this app showed me the opposite

[ey****]

I'm guessing when you say "dating Domme" you mean F/m relationships rather than M/f (there is overlap, but also some key differences)

So - first off, myself - sometimes there's folk make assumptions about my primary relationship, but whilst we are both kinky we don't have any form of kink heirarchy or structure. There are stuff we experimented over time, but some just didn't work for us

Now. When I first got involved in kink scene, I was very new and learning and I found it very interesting talking to a lot of people and some would share how their relationship was structured or what worked for them.

What was quite interesting also, consider I still know many of these people, is how things have changed since then.  What was ALSO interesting, was those who have any form of public display or implication, which doesn't reflect their private lives.  That folk will sometimes 'sell' their own fantasy to others for whatever reason.

This doesn't mean of course there are not ALSO people who do have a stricter structure - but that, ultimately, it's a case of working out what works for them.  A lot of people have been through their own trial and error.

This does also ask the question on what you consider "kinky" and what you consider "vanilla" and a lot of the issue is, particularly in F/m - is a lot of those in m are expecting regular or constant "play time" above what works in making a relationship function.  

So, here's something for example... my morning routine has been the same for probably a decade. I get up, leave my wife in bed. I do morning daily hygiene then let them know the bathroom is now available.  When they come out of the bathroom and downstairs there is a cup of coffee waiting for them.  At some point (which can be any time before bed, really) I make the bed.  So if they go to bed first, it's already made.

Now, not doing these doesn't carry any form of "punishment" or discipline, or trigger a play time.  It just makes my wife's life easier.   This is just a small kinda example.   And I know there are other people who have just seemingly small things around preparing a room, or a morning routine, or whatever that has little/no benefit other than making the other persons life easier.   But stuff like that is much closer to being a sub, and much easier at making a relationship work, than "peg me mommy!" or so on.   (mind, foot fetish is my main fetish and I kiss my wife's feet *most* days - but there's time to do so) 

[si****]

37 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm guessing when you say "dating Domme" you mean F/m relationships rather than M/f (there is overlap, but also some key differences)

So - first off, myself - sometimes there's folk make assumptions about my primary relationship, but whilst we are both kinky we don't have any form of kink heirarchy or structure. There are stuff we experimented over time, but some just didn't work for us

Now. When I first got involved in kink scene, I was very new and learning and I found it very interesting talking to a lot of people and some would share how their relationship was structured or what worked for them.

What was quite interesting also, consider I still know many of these people, is how things have changed since then.  What was ALSO interesting, was those who have any form of public display or implication, which doesn't reflect their private lives.  That folk will sometimes 'sell' their own fantasy to others for whatever reason.

This doesn't mean of course there are not ALSO people who do have a stricter structure - but that, ultimately, it's a case of working out what works for them.  A lot of people have been through their own trial and error.

This does also ask the question on what you consider "kinky" and what you consider "vanilla" and a lot of the issue is, particularly in F/m - is a lot of those in m are expecting regular or constant "play time" above what works in making a relationship function.  

So, here's something for example... my morning routine has been the same for probably a decade. I get up, leave my wife in bed. I do morning daily hygiene then let them know the bathroom is now available.  When they come out of the bathroom and downstairs there is a cup of coffee waiting for them.  At some point (which can be any time before bed, really) I make the bed.  So if they go to bed first, it's already made.

Now, not doing these doesn't carry any form of "punishment" or discipline, or trigger a play time.  It just makes my wife's life easier.   This is just a small kinda example.   And I know there are other people who have just seemingly small things around preparing a room, or a morning routine, or whatever that has little/no benefit other than making the other persons life easier.   But stuff like that is much closer to being a sub, and much easier at making a relationship work, than "peg me mommy!" or so on.   (mind, foot fetish is my main fetish and I kiss my wife's feet *most* days - but there's time to do so) 

This is amazing to hear. Thank you. So yeah, for me vanilla is just what you do for your partner in a regular relationship, like make coffee or make the bed. Which just sounds like a good relationship, and anything that wouldn’t be embarrassing to talk about in public with friends or family. The kinky is any rules that the Domme sets or play time and things like that - and anything that goes in the bedroom.

For me, before anything sexual, I want to be with someone that I care about and love.

Also, why is it different between F/m and M/f? I am interested in a dominant woman, but I would have assumed it is the same.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, sissyNoa said:

Also, why is it different between F/m and M/f? I am interested in a dominant woman, but I would have assumed it is the same.

A lot of the differences are in wider society, traditional gender roles, and how that manifests into kink.  Society is patriartical.    Maledom in general rein***s societal culture. The "man in charge" so to speak.

A lot in Femdom works against typically expected roles.  

Which incidentally, often plays into some of the issues men often run into because there's elements they simply cannot let go of.  Which could differ from person to person - but for example what women look for in Femdom relationships - the biggest traits are things like domestic servitude, final authority, etc most kinks rank lower down the spectrum.  And even in most vanilla relationships a lot of men have final authority.

[si****]

18 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

A lot of the differences are in wider society, traditional gender roles, and how that manifests into kink.  Society is patriartical.    Maledom in general rein***s societal culture. The "man in charge" so to speak.

A lot in Femdom works against typically expected roles.  

Which incidentally, often plays into some of the issues men often run into because there's elements they simply cannot let go of.  Which could differ from person to person - but for example what women look for in Femdom relationships - the biggest traits are things like domestic servitude, final authority, etc most kinks rank lower down the spectrum.  And even in most vanilla relationships a lot of men have final authority.

That makes sense. Thank you. I don’t have much experience in relationships in general - ignoring femdom and kink related elements, so I never really thought about that sort of thing

[en****]

I'll chime in even though I'm not quite in the situation you described. I have an online sub who I'm very close with--we talk every day and tell each other how our day was, we have a pretty deep emotional connection, we say I love you--we're more than play partners IMO, but we're not quite dating. And we live thousands of miles apart.

This is an interesting question because it varies day to day. If it were up to me, we'd be making kinky comments all the time, but he has some days where he feels subby and some days where he doesn't really. So it's worth just noting that in some relationships it might not even be consistent from one day to another.

If my sub isn't in the mood, maybe 99% of our conversation is vanilla, with me just making one or two little remarks through the day. It's rare for a day to go by without our kink dynamic coming up at ALL though. And often he still calls me daddy here and there or otherwise acknowledges the dynamic even when we're having a vanilla day.

On the other hand, on a day when he IS feeling subby, then maybe as much as 75% of our conversation might be kinky--just sending little flirty, teasing messages all day long, reminding him of his place... But I guess days like that are an outlier. Usually it's more like 30-50%. 

Just like there's not really ever a day where kink doesn't come up at all, there's also never a day when we're in dom and sub mode ALL day. We say good morning and send each other cutesy smoochy faces, we talk as equals when we're just chatting about how our days have been (aside from maybe a little teasing remark here and there), sometimes we pause play to talk honestly about our feelings. It's usually very fluid.

On an average day, we text each other to say good morning and maybe flirt a little bit, we probably send a few messages and respond to each other in the Discord server that we both belong to, then we're relatively quiet during the work day. But if one of us has a fantasy about the other or something while we're at work then we'll probably send a message about it. If somebody does have a fantasy, that often might set the tone for the rest of the day in terms of how kinky we're being or what it is that I'm teasing him about. We message more after work and often get more flirty and kinky at that point... and many times, things will just naturally progress from a little teasing banter gradually into remarks like "I bet you'd love to ____" and then we end up full-on playing out a scene over text. He actually has a bad habit of falling asleep on me mid-scene lmao, but if not, after a scene we have a little aftercare in the form of just praising each other and maybe talking about our feelings.

And because you asked someone else about this, I'll just add, our relationship started with kink (just being casual play partners) and then we developed more romantic feelings for each other and got more lovey-dovey over time.

[en****]

5 hours ago, sissyNoa said:

This makes me really happy to hear that a vanilla relationship if possible within a D/s setting. Because most of my experience on this app showed me the opposite

Of course it's possible! There are SO many different styles of relationships in the world... There are no rules, a relationship can look like anything you and your partner(s) want it to look like. And almost any kind of relationship you would want, there's going to be somebody else out there who wants it too. The hardest part is just to be able to honestly tell people what it is that you want.

I feel somewhat similarly about wanting emotional connection first and kink second. For me, that's not necessarily a romantic connection, it could just be a good platonic friendship. But either way, just genuinely caring about and feeling connected to each other is the foundation of a fulfilling kink dynamic for me too. And I think there are many people who that's true for!

Wishing you lots of luck finding a relationship that fulfills all your needs