Is once a month enough for a D/s dynamic?

[re****]

I currently meet my play partner only about 1–2 times a month.
We have a really nice connection…she’s young, intelligent, beautiful, and I trust her completely. There’s no shame between us which I value a lot.

But I wonder…is this frequency enough to grow a stronger Dom/sub dynamic (I’d place us around 3/10 now, hoping for 4–5), or does it stay “casual play” at this pace?

My questions:
Do you think 1x a month can be enough for intensity and trust to deepen?
What are your experiences with frequency in D/s relationships?
Should I consider looking for an additional/new play partner if I want to progress?

I’d really appreciate hearing how others manage this balance.

[Laycette]

It would not be enough for me.

[No****]

If it works for you then it works for you

[Vt****]

I'm kinda struggling with the same concept right now. I really want a D/S, but my life won't allow for it to be full time. I felt you couldn't have that deep connection without more frequent time together so I've just stayed away from it (but I miss it!). I'd love to know what others have done in your situation as well!

[Ms****]

Absolutely, but it would depend on your connection during the rest of the time. That connection between can create a feeling of craving and desire.

[ey****]

really - the ultimate question is... is it working for you right now

By the sounds of it; when you meet - play is in mind - and if this was someone you lived with it might still only be once or twice per month you actually play.  So the current set up sounds like you make an occasion of it

But there's no reason not to communicate outside of meeting - and that can build and strengthen trust, it doesn't have to all be about play.

Only you should know if you should look for another partner - but - if this is not somehting you are experienced with it's an extra person to juggle.  What if the first person is now more available? On a second person encroaches on time you talk to the first person

[Co****]

Every relationship is different. I prefer to have at least 2-3 times a week if not more but again, may be different for others.

[Deleted Member]

Imo, no. Its not a dynamic at that point. Its play. Its a session.

They are not your D/s, they are D/s' ing for you. Thats it.

Again... my opinion.

[Da****]

My current submissive is working long hours as this is her busy period at work. I send texts to let her know I'm thinking about her. My main rule is this. Family is always first job is second and dynamic is third. Her life is so busy right now. There maybe days that goes by that I won't hear from her. We were seeing each other once a week. I think that with the time spent apart it gives you more time to do research and to plan our scenes to act with her. Stay in touch with her through text and phone calls. Another thing is to buy a remote control toy for her.

[bo****]

Nice dynamic I seem to find the ones who are all or nothing. Lucky you enjoy it!

[Ju****]

It's what you make of it if you're both happy and satisfied.

[Dp****]

It depends on what you each want. If there is quality chat in between this could easily be enough for me. Though I’m polyamorous so I’m not relying on just one person for everything

[ra****]

The great thing about any dynamic or relationship is you have the option to make it work for both of you, or decide if you want different things or more than someone can or is willing to give you.

I’m a single mom and only have every other weekend when I’m kid free. I was in a d/s dynamic that lasted for almost a year with a man who lived 3 hours away. We tried to coordinate schedules twice a month and always met halfway, but we both have our own lives and priorities that made it impossible sometimes to make it work. No biggie since it’s just reality and it was something we discussed prior to even meeting the first time.

We would talk on the phone once a week or so, but even that was hard to do consistently because of his work schedule and me having to prioritize getting the kids to bed at night.

Sounds silly, but we’d play Scrabble online just as a way to stay in touch in between meetings and phone conversations.

He was always free to have other dynamics and we had certain circumstances when I felt I wanted to be informed, but considering how long it takes for me to actually vet someone and feel comfortable meeting them in person, I didn’t have the bandwidth to keep searching for someone who lived closer to me 😂

Honestly, it’s all about being honest with yourself first, about what you need/want so that you can have open, honest, and ongoing conversations about whether or not it’s still working for both of you.

[Se****]

Great question. The answer lies within the strength of the bond and the consistency (not frequency). Even if it's just once a month, as long as you can consistently provide her what she seeks from spending time with you, the bond can strengthen. To do this, though, you need to have check-ins maybe once every 2-3 months to ensure the relationship is going where both of you want it to go

[no****]

No i crave attention and closeness and touch . That connection is what I want

[Wa****]

I’m very casual ENM with my relationships and I’ve been into bdsm all my adult life.

You could classify me as a “play partners”, and that’s totally fine. But not everyone is the same.

It really depends on what the two of you looking for.

Do you feel like what you have going is enough for you?

[Rh****]

I mean, is it? Does it work for yall? That's what matters. If you feel you would like more then communicate that.

[en****]

I don't think there's going to be any universal answer about what's the right frequency for everyone, it really just depends on your personal needs and communication style and stuff. My big question is, what's going on between you every other day of the month when you're not meeting up?

I can say this: right now I have a fantastic and deeply fulfilling d/s dynamic that's completely online. The two of us live thousands of miles apart and have NEVER met in person, but we're okay with that. Just texting and sending pics (and only rarely video chatting, even) has been enough for us to develop a relationship with TONS of intensity and trust. So do I think you can achieve that when you only meet once a month? Sure you can, if my sub and I can do it without having met up EVER. But the thing is, we send each other messages every single day. It all hinges on your communication.

As for finding an additional play partner... I definitely do not see that helping to deepen your relationship with the *current* partner. The more people you play with, the more your time and attention has to be divided up, so naturally you'll have less energy to invest into deepening that first relationship. But if this infrequent situation is not fully meeting your needs, then sure, having an additional play partner is a valid way to get those needs met. Just be wary that it will probably add some complication.

[Do****]

I think it can depend on the people a lot. There was a subby I saw once or twice a month a couple of years back (because of distance) but we went on quite a journey together. Each time picking up where we left off. Ultimately it was going to go to the next level which wasn’t really feasible with the distance longer term so it ended. But it is possible to develop with that frequency. Whether you’d find it frustrating and crave more is another thing 😉

[Da****]

My sub and I used to see each other for 4 days in a row out of the month, but we spoke on the phone everyday, even if it was only for a few minutes, we texted everyday and for ways to keep the connection between us. Usually with pictures or some task. But I agree with everyone else, if you can make work then great, if not, that's okay too, but be up front and keep communicating. My sub and I have been doing this for almost 6 years and in the last year I took a new job that has me traveling around the country, so now im lucky to see her a few days every other month.. its tough

[ph****]

It depends on your schedules ultimately. For me, it wouldn’t feel like it was enough, but I also know life happens. When I had a dom, he was on the road working all the time, but he was always at a drivable distance from my home and my job. I can’t always get away because my job requires me to sleep here on the days I work, so that complicates my schedule slightly. Ultimately, we would try to meet up at a minimum of two times a month. If I was off for an extended period of time, I would stay with him at his hotel for a few days. It’s tough to get different schedules together, but not impossible.

[Ro****]

It depends on what you want.
It also depends on how your schedules align.
I personally have had satisfying dynamics at once or twice a month. In fact, I am in a long term ( 5 yrs) that started out this way. Though I will state we are both poly and have other partners.
Decide for yourself and discuss it with them.

[Dr****]

There is communication between sessions that you can use to build that trust. Design a scene together, grow your connection.

[Deleted Member]

that's not enough for me. I know life gets in the way, but once a week should be something to strive for, even if it doesn't always happen.

[Do****]

Hey I’m Jason and I’ve been a Dom for 9 years. It depends on timing. Sometimes it can be hard to get those extra innings in. Especially since as adults we have a lot on our plate at once and there’s not enough time in the day to do anything. But don’t base your relationship off of the life style, then it’s just setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak. As far as in getting another person, that’s something you need to work out with your partner. Because, there’s things to consider. For example, is this a relationship or is this something to take care of our needs until we find what we are looking for? INVOLE YOUR PARTNER!!!!!!! We can only offer our point of view but at the end of the day you two will have to be the ones that would need to work out what this is and go from there.