Psuedom Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 “For you.” Highlighted by the drab, tinted light from the streetlamps outside, the cracks and irregularities on the ceiling present themselves to me with an unwanted familiarity. The animosity I feel towards what is simply a trick of the light, though highly irrational and verging on unfavourable diagnosis, is not out of place and comes as a welcome respite from the gathering hoard of its more troublesome emotional siblings. Then it hits me; we have been simply staring at each other all this time and not been introduced… I go first to break the ice. “Hi, I’m Stupid. You are?” Not wanting to dominant the airspace, I patiently wait for an unlikely reply. Maybe I was a little forward or too intimidating. Maybe they’re just shy? Desperate to have company, the uncomfortable silence ping at me like a cheap cracker, I default to a nervous internalised verbal diarrhoea and start naming them. “Pleased to meet you ***, I believe we may have met before? I see you have brought Anxiety with you, they know their way around so I’ll leave you to mingle for a bit, but I’ll be back later. Confusion and Stress! I thought you said you had too much on to make it tonight? Either way, great to have such familiar faces here. As always, make yourself at home, grab a drink… you know where I keep the good stuff, just don’t tell everybody OK? Ah, my favourites twins, *** & Turmoil, how are you both? It’s a little embarrassing, but it’s getting so much harder to tell you apart these days. OK, you got me, you know I don’t like picking favourites, but I must say, I feel ever more drawn to you both with each passing day. Come in, enjoy, you’re in good company.” Ever wanting to be a good host, I keep working the room, mindful not to linger too long and display favouritism to any of the emotional A-listers in the room with me. With each passing exchange of pleasantry, my enthusiasm drops and my teeth become clenched, the pretence of civility rapidly slipping from my grasp. The veiled over grimace disappears and my distain for all those around me becomes instantly and abundantly clear, watching Anger and Insecurity creating their own vicious circle while Hate watches from a distance, laughing maniacally. Tears begin to pool in my eyes, I long for the awkward silence to return as Regret shows up, inconveniently late as usual. This was supposed to be fun, how did it all go so wrong? From the furthest, darkest corner of the room, I catch the smallest glimpse of something so small I nearly miss it entirely. Silent, stealth like, cowering under a shadow-cast cloak, the final attendee shuffles slowly and awkwardly towards me, breaking their silence with nothing more than weak and defeated sounding whimper… I wipe my eyes as a wave of realisations crashes over me, simultaneously crushing my chest and stealing the air from my lungs as if to render me completely incapable should it fail suffocate me completely. Vulnerability. This was never my party to host. Morning light pierces through the curtains like late cavalry, their calls of reassurance blasted from bugles, banners of confidence lifted high into the sky. Clarity and Optimism swiftly return, pretending they never left as if to console and apologise with a humorous lie… exhausted and just happy to see them again, I don’t even trying to work out if it’s funny or not. We are not together and yet: For you, I bring my vulnerability into the open light of day so you may see it all. For you, I ignore the nocturnal tricks of shadow and step over the cracks. For you, I will stay close and guide you out of the wrong room. For you, I remain ever hopeful that you will not just be mine, but we will be ours. For you, I will wait forever.
Me**** Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 Psue. This is banging mate! Love the conceptualisation/realisation of the internal dialogue. I'm an emotional A lister!!!!!! 🔓⛓👑⛓🔓
Th**** Posted October 10, 2020 Posted October 10, 2020 That was amazing Psue! Hooked from the start and held firm with that amazing finisher on vulnerability. Just stunning!
Psuedom Posted October 12, 2020 Author Posted October 12, 2020 Thank you all for your kind words, they have been more than appreciated.
Me**** Posted October 12, 2020 Posted October 12, 2020 On 10/10/2020 at 5:36 AM, Psuedom said: For you, I will wait forever ahhhh.....now i get it!
Deleted Member Posted October 13, 2020 Posted October 13, 2020 Fabulous piece of work. I think we have all felt like this at times, 🤗
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