Asking a dom personal questions?

[nn****]

I have a (online) dom who will ask me personal questions about myself but if ask her in return i get in trouble. Do other doms feel it’s wrong or rude to be asked personal questions or is it a matter of preference? Her reaction is usually to either ignore me or punish me. More recent punishments have been to go to a park at night and take photos of myself. Is it bad sub form for me to push back if I’m not thrilled about a punishment if I don’t think I’d be safe? I’m not sure how to set a boundary in a way that doesn’t sound like I’m being bratty

[Mi****]

Safety is paramount. If it's a boundary push back. There are some things I won't discuss, but I tell my subs what I'm happy to discuss. Especially if it's a new dynamic. You need to be able to communicate. Stay safe darling x

[bi****]

a sub/dom relationship is still a relationship - it is not an excuse for *** or poor behaviour. It saounds to me like you have such a one-sided thing going on, which may be fine for a certain kind of transactional affair, but not for any kind of satisfactory growth and coupling. If she cannot react to you as a human being rather than fetish object, then its time to walk away.

[Deleted Member]

Usually before you start the relationship you would define boundaries both physically, emotionally and personal so you know where your limits are.

If you are unsure you should reassess and go discuss with your dom boundaries. Some sub doms relationships will have downtime before the sub dom arrangement and there you would chat as equals.

[Deleted Member]

At the end of the day, your safety and well being is the most priority, no matter the dynamic. If it genuinely makes you uncomfortable and you don’t enjoy it at all, that boundary should be respected. Pull them out of character and convey to them that they are crossing said boundary and would like the behavior to cease, if they don’t respect that, then they’re not fit to be your dom.

[Be****]

Limits should always be set... communication should be your most important sounds like that area is failing a bit... maybe renegotiate terms set a contract if personal questions triggers your Dom that something either you will accept or will not accept .

[sm****]

You should never accept anything that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable from anyone. The relationship D/s is something based on mutual respect. This is a game, and it should be rewarding for both parties. You may anytime "fire" an incompetent Domme. 😉

[lt****]

normally it should be like discuss boundary upfront? But sometimes also after the first play something need to be added. So maybe you should just ask:" I feel xxxx I would like to set boundarys let us please discuss them. Thank you."

[Lilith626]

Pookums I’m sorry about your experience:( i think what would be best is if you have a serious sit down with her, like make sure you tell her it’s serious and tell her it’s out of your dynamic, tell her about how she’s been making you feel and maybe to switch punishments if you genuinely don’t feel safe or comfortable with the ones she’s giving you. Ask her about your dynamic and how she’s views it and see if that matches with yours. You shouldn’t just tolerate something if it makes you unhappy hun, you should confront it and try to mutually benefit from this because from what I’ve understood form this is you feel unvalued, huh a good dom’s first priority when they take on a sub is to make sure there comfortable and it seems she’s not doing that which is really sad and must be stressful for you. I’m sorry you feel this way <3

[lt****]

For me setting boundarys is not bratty. But of course it should not be like... Sub can do everything to drive dom mad. But dom is not allowed to do a single punishment.
It should be fair unfair like CNC and the best is, when it is used to pleasure both sides.

[lo****]

Consent is key. If you do not feel safe/comfortable doing something then don’t do it. Someone well versed in d/s dynamic should be open this. If you haven’t established boundaries yet, maybe now is a good time to. Or if you have previously set boundaries you may need to circle back.

[Ne****]

I would never put my sub in a dangerous situation never. Maybe the questions are for her to get to know you but to her your place is to obey. Sounds like a conversation needs to be had and boundaries must be set. Never put yourself in a dangerous situation.

[me****]

To each their own but it's not rude or wrong, it is simple communication learning about each other. In these dynamics trust is need and one way to build that is by communication. So if you are wanting to learn more personal things about your dom it is a perfectly reasonable want. All I can say is you have a bad Dom if she thinks of only her needs and wants

[Deleted Member]

set boundaries if you're not safe, that's a must. safety is the most important thing... if he doesn't want to answer personal questions, then he's probably not real or hiding his identity or something else. 

[Deleted Member]

It’s always ok to communicate your limits and speak up when you feel unsafe.

As for Doms being asked personal questions, I never mind sharing with my subs. While I’d say each Dom may have their preference, it would raise a bit of a yellow flag for me. But what matters more is what you want out of a Dom. If you want to know more about the woman dominating you and she isn’t willing to give that, then she may not be the right fit for you. Trust your instincts.

[Th****]

I would give My input but I feel these guys above my comment already said what I was going to say so I will just back up what these dogs have said

[Be****]

I was vetting a Dom and he wouldn’t answer anything I asked.
I can’t put my trust in someone so secretive. To me it’s a big no!

[Th****]

And you have every right to feel that way you have to be able to trust them always.

[lo****]

I was vetting one too but then i noticed some inconsistency’s and call them out on them. I kept pushing and pushing. Glad i did cause it turned out to be a scammer

[Bu****]

If the relationship is still new than it's not wrong to ask questions communication is key, if they wanted a slave who didn't ask questions they should have said that from the beginning

[Su****]

Sounds very wrong to me.
Firstly how are you to get to know anything about her if you are not allowed to ask personal questions? Clearly she is avoiding them for some reason and also giving punishments.
Any dominant that is worth their salt should not give punishments that are inherently unsafe for the submissive.
Communication is essential, it seems to me that is missing here. 🚩

[Th****]

I'm sorry my autocorrect struck again it spose to say guys but instead it puts dogs so fellow doms I apologize for that my phone is a re re

[jo****]

No. This is not normal, this is fishy. Even online you are building a relationship where trust is the foundation. This way your dom cannot build trust.

[La****]

I’m a switch, so as someone from perspectives on both sides, unless not sharing personal information was explicitly discussed and agreed to as part of the relationship, I wouldn’t be okay with it. It’s not an inherent part of sub etiquette. And if you don’t like it or feel unsafe then it’s a no go

[Deleted Member]

That’s a big red flag 🚩