So**** Posted October 7 I heard from multiple women, that they tend to be submissive with men but dominant with women. I used to think that thats just because of internalized patriarchy. Thats until I realized that It’s the same for me. I mostly identify as male and usually consider myself very submissive, but with men I tend to be much more dominant and even like to kinda’ talk down to them 👀 Does anybody share the same experience?
Eu**** Posted October 7 I feel like it varies a lot from partner to partner with me, like if someone just takes what they want I become a lot more submissive, but if I have to advance the situation then I get a lot more dominant
bi**** Posted October 7 Sub/dom isn't a binary switch (haha) but more a power dynamic. Many women feel submissive to men, men are bigger and stronger and generally more active after all, and feel dominant wth other women as they feel they can be comfortable in that role towards women. So its a scale, not on/off. Gender tends to be a focus on which direction you want to take that, you might find some men make you fee more submissive regardless of initial impressions, others might make you feel much more dominant toweards them. In the end it depends on the individuals involved.
Ir**** Posted October 7 I also feel like this, since I’m only sexually attracted and not romantic with men. And then it’s only smaller weaker “twink” or femboy types. I believe this is due to a power dynamic situation. Uniquely, I’m usually the dominant one in a straight relationship because that’s what the woman usually craves. And I aim to please and because I am muscular and aggressive that makes it an easy role to fill. But something about being a big strong man and have a woman take care of me, especially my sexual needs and take what they want from me is so desired. But with men, I only want to dominate and crush and humiliate. I’m not sure if this is traditional power dynamics built in my genome or childhood trauma. Goes without saying this is all consensual and wanted by all my partners. Interesting topic!
An**** Posted October 7 Woman here, I have it exactly as you described. Submissive with men, dominant with women. I consider myself straight, but always had a soft spot for women (does not consider myself bi because of difficult upbringing and some internalized stuff). I tend to be very attentive and careful with women, trying to lead while keeping my distance as well. With men, I tend to be lower but as in "I want to stand my ground but I want you to lead me for us to be better". I think it is a sign of respect from my part to both parties, although shown differently. I struggle with men and women that have it different, but that might be because they might want the exact opposite I can't offer to them. The only problem with this dynamic is that it tends to bore both parties. I can lead women, but they tend to learn from me and eventualy outgrow my abilities and move on. Men tend to switch between "i want a reasonable woman that has her own mind as well" and "i want a lightheaded cutie that wants to have fun". I can provide both, but only in respect from them. If it turns to "I want her to be convinient to my needs", thats when it breaks. Which is, unfortunately, still very common. As for the internalized patriarchy, there might be some, but for me, it is about mutual leadership. Just because we learn about leadership in a more masculine way doesn't mean that feminine leadership doesn't exist. It just shows differently. My partner and I both pursue our relationship dynamic in a different way. He leads with distance, I lead very on point. I, a woman, therefore have the more stereotypical masculine approach, and he has the feminine one. But it switches when we want to play or be more intimate or when I am tired or lost in myself. TLDR: Everyone is different but there are of course some clear repetitive tendencies. Whether it comes from societal norms, upbringing or just conscience in itself is purely speculative.
ki**** Posted October 7 I've been Domante all my life and have been fantasies of being a submissive for a couple of years now but having a hard time making the switch more of the fact I can't find a woman are a couple where she is the Dom in the relationship the few I've talked to it seems that the woman in not a true Dom reading what y'all have said hear has help me think you
WK**** Posted October 7 I lived a mostly lesbianic life. Married to a trans man for 20 years. It wasn’t until he transitioned I considered myself pan. All that to say when I am with men I am submissive unless the dynamic plays out differently. Being verse/switch things get blurred. But my natural tendency is slutty sub for men and High Femme Dom for women.
Deleted Member Posted October 7 Nope. I am not submissive to men at all. I could only imagine a woman taking the lead and think dominant women can be attractive. Dominant men actually make me feel aggressive lol. I will bite and not in a fun way. I don't have dom or sub desires in general and just prefer sensual balanced stuff. Like massages and nuzzling. If a woman is to be dominant it would have to be very soft and subtle but I'm gonna be sassy the whole time lol
DH**** Posted October 7 I found, that after growing up in a primarily female parental environment, that I honestly found zero interest in competing against males for anything - apparently I'm psychotic enough about how well my mother enabled her little boy that I have only a small idea so far, but am feeling like quite the lucky beta male atm, apparently. *feelsright,theory?*
si**** Posted October 8 For me personally it took a lot for me to completely come to the realisation after much self reflection at who, what, how and when etc. That I very simply put don’t have a dominant bone in my body. Not in any way shape or form. I am submissive with both male and female partners. And quite honestly. I am quite happy with that. Accepting the fact was actually so freeing.
So**** Posted October 8 Author 13 hours ago, bittenkiss said: Sub/dom isn't a binary switch (haha) but more a power dynamic. Many women feel submissive to men, men are bigger and stronger and generally more active after all, and feel dominant wth other women as they feel they can be comfortable in that role towards women. So its a scale, not on/off. Gender tends to be a focus on which direction you want to take that, you might find some men make you fee more submissive regardless of initial impressions, others might make you feel much more dominant toweards them. In the end it depends on the individuals involved. I didn’t think it was binary, thats why i said “…tend to be more…” and things of that nature. I’ve also had partners with whom I went into both directions but I think you’re making a good point with the “bigger/ stronger argument” bit for me it almost has the opposite effect. When someone is seemingly more sensitive and fragile but radiate dominance through their behavior I really believe them. On the other hand MEN who are very big muscular bearded etc I can’t really take seriously in a way. It feels like their “dominance” is conditional and dependent on their physical appearance so I don’t buy it.
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