Is this normal?

[Deleted Member]

Hey there. Nice to meet you all. 

I'm a newbie on this scene and wanted to get advice from people with more experience. 

I met a dominant on Fet and we've been texting back and forth. She has sent me some pictures and set me tasks and rituals to follow including sending regular selfies (clothed). She wants to meet for a session at a dungeon in London (legacydungeonsuite*) but refuses to meet socially beforehand. 

Am I right to be nervous of allowing myself to be tied up and pegged by some one who won't sit down and have a drink with me beforehand? Is this a normal part of the d/s dynamic? Also why am I expected to pay for everything when I have explained that *** is tight and findom is not my thing? 

I would really appreciate your thoughts as I'm keen to explore this side of myself but also want to stay safe. 

 

Edited October 10, 2025 by Deleted Member
*External link removed

[FETMOD-TF]

This topic has been approved for advice purposes. Please note that Findom is not permitted here at FET and is against the terms of use. If a member is soliciting for financial payments please report the member using the report function. 

[No****]

Definitely doesn’t sound good. Lot’s of big red flags there.

[Do****]

Im not saying it havent had women come over for sex/play on a first meeting. But I wouldn't require that or refuses to get lunch or meet in person first. Fuck that dom she's not worth it

[Kf****]

This doesn’t sounds normal at all. If you’re feeling uneasy then listen to your gut. Someone who won’t meet you publicly is not safe.

[Da****]

There's nothing wrong with meeting socially before playing. Any Dom knows that respect and trust needs to be earned. This is a clear sign that you need to walk away from this person.

[Dp****]

Consent is vital. And needs to be negotiated beforehand. So a vanilla in person meet-up is a good safety step

Any decent dom will respect the needs and limits of their sub.

What is it she’s asking you to pay for? Are you sending her *** directly?

[Ap****]

Did you express concern when they express a lack of concern that's normal for someone who doesn't care about safety

[Ap****]

Boy I should have double checked that before I sent it. If you express concern and they express a lack of concern*

[Deleted Member]

If you're required to pay for the services then you aren't where you want to be. Why she would make this a business transaction if it was a "play" date only makes sense if that is what you both agreed on from the beginning. Move on and just wait for someone who 1.) Isn't charging, 2.) Wants to get to know you on a vanilla level as well [this matters due to trust], and 3.) Is just as worried for your safety as they are!!!!

[Deleted Member]

**EDIT** 3.) Is just as worried for your safety as YOU are!!!!

[li****]

Well... She's making you pay for everything because she's a pro.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Dportrait said:

Consent is vital. And needs to be negotiated beforehand. So a vanilla in person meet-up is a good safety step

Any decent dom will respect the needs and limits of their sub.

What is it she’s asking you to pay for? Are you sending her *** directly?

She wanted me to pay for the dungeon hire, half a grand. 

[Deleted Member]

Thanks everyone for your replies. You've convinced me to cut my losses and move on. 

[ey****]

you are being scammed.

the dungeon doesn't exist.

[ey****]

As a little further.

if you were dealing with a (legit) pro then they wouldn't send you tasks for free (those were part of the bait to sweeten you up) and there would be an agreed tribute and yes, for London that could easily be £250, £300, £350 per hour - although that is usually inclusive of dungeon hire (there are some ladies who are less but you then provide the play space - i.e. hire a dungeon or have a decent/discreet hotel room) - there wouldn't normally be social beforehand. But, most Pros can easily be researched, vetted, etc.  

Dungeons in London are typically £50-£60 per hour, minimum 2 hours booking - but most do a special rate for longer bookings.  Say £300-£400 for 8-10 hours.  But reasonably, if you're meeting someone for the first time for play then a couple of hours should suffice. The longer bookings are *usually* booked by people for filming (hence me knowing the rates) or for Pros confident of getting a couple of bookings in - or - for extended sessions, but those are usually between people who have rapport 

But yeah, the "you just pay for the dungeon" as a scam is common.  I've seen some flirt with different price bands but in all occasions they simply do not exist.  If you even get an address it is often to a property that doesn't exist, or a disused flat above a chipshop, or the middle of a housing estate - it kinda relies on people lacking local knowledge unfortunately. 

[Dp****]

3 hours ago, Charlie-7800 said:

She wanted me to pay for the dungeon hire, half a grand. 

Wow that’s a lot. I wonder if she works there?

[li****]

3 hours ago, Charlie-7800 said:

She wanted me to pay for the dungeon hire, half a grand. 

If she wants to have the *** given to her, then yes, it's a scam in this case.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Dportrait said:

Wow that’s a lot. I wonder if she works there?

I mean, the dungeon doesn't exist. It's a scam. And relies on a lack of local knowledge.

But

if it was legit (it's not) one bit of context missing is how long the hire would have been - a couple of hours on an evening? A lot.  Typical rates £50-£60 per hour.   A full day? Less so.

Consider that most dungeons are stocked with tens of thousands of pounds worth of toys and equipment, then there's all the insurance and security to pay, maintainenance, etc 

[AmandaMonsterLady]

It doesn’t sound like she is or is going to respect your boundaries. If you are not getting what you need to be comfortable out of it and she is already trying to make you a pay pig (against your will) maybe you should be thinking if that is what you want.

[bi****]

Its a definite scam - and unfortunately quite common on here, I've seen several profiles with the same text and pictures even, that end up with the same result - chat on some external messaging app (that I'm always happy to do), led on with dreams of kind (absolutely) that they turn to "we coudl meet, I can organise a dungeon ... you just have to pay in advance". 

 

and at that point you know its a scam. I've led some of these on, and reported them, they're still here though as I guess they are real enough people to get past the checks Fet makes, but their practice is still to scam you out of your cash.

 

I expect that once you've paid, you'll never hear from them again.

[Cr****]

Literally all the red flags here bro.

Absolutely not. Protect yourself.

[ey****]

this is an old thread relating to the same scam

 

[ey****]

this is also a video about it and similar variants.