Vulnerability

[ap****]

Male subs in a FLR.... How do you manage your dommes emotionally vulnerability/neediness? Does it make you feel less submissive and/or pressured to step out of your role?

[bi****]

I guess, obviously, the answer is yes. If your definition of FLR is 24/7 dominanmt and controlling, you have to be dominant and controlling 24/7.

I think the trick to making such a relationship work well is to have a normal relationship with FLR elements to it, not constantly. Then such times can be easily managed as part of the downtime or boringly normal real-world time.

[ap****]

17 minutes ago, bittenkiss said:

I guess, obviously, the answer is yes. If your definition of FLR is 24/7 dominanmt and controlling, you have to be dominant and controlling 24/7.

I think the trick to making such a relationship work well is to have a normal relationship with FLR elements to it, not constantly. Then such times can be easily managed as part of the downtime or boringly normal real-world time.

To me a FLR is about taking the lead in every day life, D/s is the control element. I don't see FLR as primarily D/s

[ey****]

then this is you defining your role

a submissive would ideally be adapting to their Domme's needs - so if they are emotionally *** the good thing to do would be to support them during this. 

[Qu****]

Submission & dominance can take on a lot of different angles. So I work at a dungeon in a lot of ways there is a d/s dynamic between me and the owner. If they're having a bad day I tell them to go home and rest. When they have issues I step in, even though I'm in a subordinate role. I also have told subs to bite me. The lines can blur as much or as little as you want.

[Jo****]

Not sub , but learnt a very hard lesson involving something like this .

A domme , or dom , specially a daddy or a caregiver , needs to be extensor flexible . With lots of forethought planning , and taking on control , risk , and being always confident . There is usually so many things that some subs do not understand about thier doms.

Just as much as the dom is taking the lead , a subs job is to learn the same as their dom about their partner. Learning why they are that way , their needs , thier love language, Culture, upbringing , trauma etc . Just as much as a submissive has a safe space to be themselves, the sub may be the light that helps the dom navigate their darknesses . A sub should be just as much the safe space for thier dominant.
It can also be hard to define healthy nature within D/S and you can come across people with specific needs . But learning to love yourself , and in control of all your emotions and being open to communication is the best way forward .

[Ve****]

As a male sub i try to show my emotional vulnerability as well.
That way i don‘t feel outside of my role in such events.
Some of the FemDoms i had the pleasure to get to know had quite a need in that regard.
Still difficult for me– find out what She really wants and provide that, often it is NOT what ‚you‘ think might help.
Just listening is often way better than giving advice.
Be there.

To all subs: take real good care of your Dominants, be they FemDoms or MaleDoms.

[ap****]

7 hours ago, John24gold said:

Not sub , but learnt a very hard lesson involving something like this .

A domme , or dom , specially a daddy or a caregiver , needs to be extensor flexible . With lots of forethought planning , and taking on control , risk , and being always confident . There is usually so many things that some subs do not understand about thier doms.

Just as much as the dom is taking the lead , a subs job is to learn the same as their dom about their partner. Learning why they are that way , their needs , thier love language, Culture, upbringing , trauma etc . Just as much as a submissive has a safe space to be themselves, the sub may be the light that helps the dom navigate their darknesses . A sub should be just as much the safe space for thier dominant.
It can also be hard to define healthy nature within D/S and you can come across people with specific needs . But learning to love yourself , and in control of all your emotions and being open to communication is the best way forward .

Exactly this!!! One of his trauma response is that he can't express emotion verbally and avoids it, and being long distance we've hit a hurdle because I do need babying, reassurance and attentiveness, he becomes very analytical and internalises. Holding mirrors and making someone accountable whilst remaining calm and caring is hard hes overcome so much but this is a biggy because until he accepts and does his inner work, I'm not getting my emotional needs met, and of course he is taking everything I say as an attack, I broke him a little last night, reassured him of what he means to me and now hea having some time to process. 2.5 years in and it goes beyond D/s but he can tell me he has a really strong emotional connection but cannot express that. To me it's clear as day that there is a fight/flight trauma loop, I can't make sure the space I hold is safe but I can't *** him to step into it.

[ap****]

1 hour ago, VeeTee said:

As a male sub i try to show my emotional vulnerability as well.
That way i don‘t feel outside of my role in such events.
Some of the FemDoms i had the pleasure to get to know had quite a need in that regard.
Still difficult for me– find out what She really wants and provide that, often it is NOT what ‚you‘ think might help.
Just listening is often way better than giving advice.
Be there.

To all subs: take real good care of your Dominants, be they FemDoms or MaleDoms.

We both have trauma, I've done a lot more work on myself though, is trauma responses used to trigger my trauma responses and I've navigated that beautiful, hopefully we get there, the fact I have a strong knowledge of psychology, I'm a empath and extremely self aware helps, but yes our dynamic is that I can get my sexual needs met elsewhere, he needs to accept and do the work to be able to baby the badass now and again x

[ap****]

1 hour ago, VeeTee said:

As a male sub i try to show my emotional vulnerability as well.
That way i don‘t feel outside of my role in such events.
Some of the FemDoms i had the pleasure to get to know had quite a need in that regard.
Still difficult for me– find out what She really wants and provide that, often it is NOT what ‚you‘ think might help.
Just listening is often way better than giving advice.
Be there.

To all subs: take real good care of your Dominants, be they FemDoms or MaleDoms.

I'm very clear to telling him what I need and even though what I need is to babied, to be emotionally held and reassured, that's a goal not a starting point, so what I need right now is to carry on making him feel safe, holding space when I emotionally trigger him for accountability and for him to feel his own feelings instead of fight or flight x

[Ro****]

As a submissive, it's important to support your dominant in any way they need. This might look like stepping out of role but, really, its very much serving her needs. The important part is you're not doing it in a way that she doesn't want. Being avaliable to provide tea and sympathy is totally a submissive thing.