In Hiding

[Da****]

The bustle of voices and politics of University classrooms and offices swirled around and mixed with the incessant noise in her own head. Lucy fought the urge to hide, to suck her thumb, to pull the tattered stuffed *** out of her purse and lock the door. Her phone chimed with another text message from her husband. He was working late again. The email app dinged with another urgent task reminder. Papers piled on her desk.

On the way home, she gripped bunny as she drove, longing for the luxury of just being in the passenger seat. Never driving. Being Little. Being curled into nothingness and nobody. Her hands shook with anxiety and she took the long, calming breaths years of practice told her were never quite enough but would get her through.

Through the front door and only bunny made it past the kitchen table. Blouse and skirt discarded down the hallway. Bra and panties gone in ripping and tripping motions. Her blanky in the closet was so worn as to be a tattered mess but the softness soothed her as she clambered for the dark corned and shoved bunny’s nose into the soft folds of her sex.

Thumb in her mouth, bunny pressed against her clit and worried at the nub where he always had. Where that plastic nose always knew where to find her secrets. Hubby thought it was stupid that she needed this. Thought she was dumb and broken and weird. Suck, suck, suck on her thumb. Bunny’s nose was getting wet now. Bad girls did this. Bad girls needed this.

Rub, rub, rub. Bunny knew her secrets. Bunny knew she hid in the closet and touched and played and gave herself cummies. Bunny knew she learned to love all the touches from the Bad Men. Bunny knew she was broken. Rub, rub, rub. Suck, suck, suck.

Her legs quivered and her mind clouded in that soothing way. That little girl way. That soft cloud that took away her stress.

Rub, rub, rub. The world faded. Bunny rubbed her special place. Her Princess parts. She was little again and the world was big and her only care was the big feeling building inside her.

Rub, rub, rub. The feeling building so much. So overwhelming. It was too much. The first tear was running down her cheek. She knew it wasn’t her fault. She loved it too much to stop now. Building and building and building.

Rub, rub, rub. Little ones need to be loved. Need to be seen. She was special. Everyone said she was pretty. Rub, rub, rub.

It was so big inside her now. So intense, this pressure. This need. The tears were flowing. The cummies. Oh god, oh god, OH GOD!!!!

Lucy cried and came and cried some more. Bunny clenched between her thighs and her legs quivered. She pulled up the blanky and stayed there a while longer.

Later, before her husband got home, she put away bunny and folded up her blanky and picked up her clothes. Pouring wine and pulling up her phone, she scrolled another app, looking for others who live their lives in hiding.