Collars and Collaring?

[sw****]

I am a novice to this world and I would like to know various definitions and meanings of collaring for different people. I have always found a “***r chain” extremely sexy before I found this kink world. Now that I see the pervasiveness of collars I am really intrigued and attracted to understanding more?

Practically, does it mean somebody is taken? Is it permanent? Are there meanings to different styles?

What do’s and dont’s should I know?

Emotionally what are people experiences? How does it make you feel from both perspectives? Any other thoughts? Intriguing for sure!

[Deleted Member]

I bought one once for somebody I had never so badly wanted to give one to. Then she spent every day for 18 months showing me that she would do anything for anyone except for me breaking my heart every day over and over and never once trying to change or do a single thing to prove otherwise. It still sits in the box as a reminder to never trust or love anyone ever again. Needless to say be careful who you do that with it means a lot more to some people than others as I found out. My ex wanted one but only as something to show off to her friends online. She could care less about what it meant or doing any of the things necessary to earn or deserve it because I wasnt the prize to her the collar and the attention it brought was. The thought that maybe if she stopped messaging guys on fetlife behind my back, or not spreading lies about on fetlife to thousands of people, or not accusing me of cheating 5 times a day every day with no reason or evidence to ever think so, or maybe not cheating on me herself, or maybe not lying about why she would never do any of the things I wanted to try and then doing them with everybody else the first chance she got, or maybe if she hadn't spent our whole time together never buying any new outfits or shoes to wear while we played and then spending thousands of dollars on them 1 week after we split to impress strangers the way I guess I had never deserved. Moral of the story here is that you shouldn't take it lightly because to some people it means A LOT more than to others

[sw****]

51 minutes ago, Mr_A_999 said:

I bought one once for somebody I had never so badly wanted to give one to. Then she spent every day for 18 months showing me that she would do anything for anyone except for me breaking my heart every day over and over and never once trying to change or do a single thing to prove otherwise. It still sits in the box as a reminder to never trust or love anyone ever again. Needless to say be careful who you do that with it means a lot more to some people than others as I found out. My ex wanted one but only as something to show off to her friends online. She could care less about what it meant or doing any of the things necessary to earn or deserve it because I wasnt the prize to her the collar and the attention it brought was. The thought that maybe if she stopped messaging guys on fetlife behind my back, or not spreading lies about on fetlife to thousands of people, or not accusing me of cheating 5 times a day every day with no reason or evidence to ever think so, or maybe not cheating on me herself, or maybe not lying about why she would never do any of the things I wanted to try and then doing them with everybody else the first chance she got, or maybe if she hadn't spent our whole time together never buying any new outfits or shoes to wear while we played and then spending thousands of dollars on them 1 week after we split to impress strangers the way I guess I had never deserved. Moral of the story here is that you shouldn't take it lightly because to some people it means A LOT more than to others

Thanks for sharing - that sucks. If I may ask what made it so special to you? How did you develop your perspective and attachment to a collar? Is it like a wedding ring? What would have been different if she wore it in your ideal world? I appreciate those may be tough questions so I understand if you wish not to reply.

[sw****]

2 minutes ago, Thefuncouple69 said:

We have a few love it check us out on x thefuncouple69! Let us know were you found us

I will, In your case is it a commitment symbol or more fashion, sensation, playful - like lingerie? Do you both wear them like switch?

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, swm3642 said:

Thanks for sharing - that sucks. If I may ask what made it so special to you? How did you develop your perspective and attachment to a collar? Is it like a wedding ring? What would have been different if she wore it in your ideal world? I appreciate those may be tough questions so I understand if you wish not to reply.

To me it meant ownership and total submission and trust. In my opinion saying a collar from a dom to a sub is a piece of lingerie is like saying a wedding ring is just a fashion accessory. To me it is very on par with a wedding ring in everything that it symbolizes and the trust that lies between them. I know that may not be everyone's definition and its a big ever shifting world out there for everyone to interpret as freely as they want. Just make sure they have the same interpretation as you before diving in. I was sure I had found someone who held the same interpretation of it as I did from our conversations stating such. Then all I did was wait for her to show just one action confirming she meant what she said. 18 months of disappointment and second chances later that collar still sits

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, swm3642 said:

I will, In your case is it a commitment symbol or more fashion, sensation, playful - like lingerie? Do you both wear them like switch?

Just to clear this up I am a former Dom. My experience that im referencing in this thread caused me to lose all self esteem trust and thus interest in kinks fetishes and sex altogether. I cant even look at another woman without feeling sick anymore

[TheBookCollector]

The only meanings are what the people who wear them decide they mean. I use collars mainly in play.
.
Too much emphasis is often put on physical collars, and most of.the time its the mental collar that matters.
.
People put too much emphasis on physical collars before the relationship is secure.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, TheBookCollector said:

The only meanings are what the people who wear them decide they mean. I use collars mainly in play.
.
Too much emphasis is often put on physical collars, and most of.the time its the mental collar that matters.
.
People put too much emphasis on physical collars before the relationship is secure.

I agree 100 percent. The collar was just a physical manifestation of something much bigger on a psychological level

[BC****]

Means different things in different circles and even within those circles it can mean different things to the individual. Some people just treat it as a fashion accessory as some people only treat their wedding ring as a prize. But what it's supposed to mean is a solid bond of commitment and control 🤷

[ce****]

Collaring is a personal thing..
For some it's a mark of ownership and the sign of a well established and permanent relationship.
For others it's just a mark of who they are, they are submissive, and they enjoy letting other people know that..
Collars do not necessarily have to be worn around the neck although that's the implication that many draw from the act of collaring.
Some are quite happy to accept a ring as a similar token some enjoy bracelets it's whatever the submissive is truly happy to wear as a mark of respect and/or ownership.
I enjoy making collars from steel bar and decorating them with rhinestones and other pretty baubles..
An idea I got from my interest in steampunk.
Essentially a steel collar is a slave mark from back in the day, they were purely functional for the purpose of marking the person that has owned and a way of subjugating them. By decorating them with rhinestones and such it subverts the original meaning of the object into something a little more personal and fun and that's what Steam punk does to many things.
I have made probably in excess of 25 steel collars some I have sold some I have given away not all of my submissives have a steel collar that I have made some people cannot wear jewelry of any kind unless it is of precious metals and the costs of producing a precious metal collar would just be quite prohibitive.... although for the occasional submissive that would be a cost I'd be more than willing to bear.
If you feel the need or desire to wear a collar as a mark of your submission and not necessarily as a mark of ownership to an individual that is entirely your choice and don't let anybody here tell you otherwise.
At least half a dozen submissives have approached me in the past and asked me to make a collar for them to wear especially when they attend events irrespective of the fact that they are currently single.
By wearing a collar at events it often allows the person to interact more freely with other people, as they are marking themselves as already taken and people tend to be more reserved when they approach them than if they thought they were single and available.
I spoke with somebody recently who was proud to announce that they had discovered king as recently as three years ago and they were pontificating on the wearing of a collar claiming that they knew everything there was to know about the subject and essentially belittleing anyone who chose to do it in any way other than in a way that they agreed with.
There is so much variety within the kink world as to kinks and styles and desires that there is no point in being too prescriptive on what wearing collars should or should not be.
It is simply a matter of personal choice.
I like the fact that my submissives wear a collar or some other token that they are mine and I do not find that this conflicts in any way with the fact that I am also polyamorous.... as all of my submissives know that they are free to date whomsoever they choose and do not need to ask my permission to date or talk to anybody even when or if they are wearing my collar.